Before I can respond, another text comes in.
Adriana: You’ll be less likely to want to strangle her when she asks you invasive questions.
She’s not wrong.
The door opens and Dr. Tabitha Walker steps inside. I type out a hasty “thanks” to Adriana and tuck my phone back into my pocket.
“Good morning,” she says, taking a seat across from me.
“How’s your week been?”
“Fine.” I tell her, already hating this conversation, but that’s not anything new.
“Anything you’d like to chat about today?”
“Nope.”
She scowls before heaving a long, suffering sigh. “Cecilia, we’ve been seeing one another for a while now, wouldn't you agree?”
Four months, three weeks, and six days. But who’s counting?
“Mm hmm.”
“These sessions would be much more productive if you chose to confide in me. I’m here to help. You know that, right?”
I huff out a breath. “I know,” I tell her. “But that doesn’t make this any easier.”
She smiles. “We’ll start right there. What about speaking to someone like myself makes you uncomfortable?”
It’s a struggle not to roll my eyes, but I manage it. “Everything about this is uncomfortable,” I tell her. “I don’t need to share my damage. No one wants to bring their trauma up to the surface. It’s awkward, and it won’t make me feel any better.” It’s hard enough keeping that shit buried deep down.
“How do you know unless you’ve tried?”
Trust me. I know.
“Let me ask you this,” she says. “You go to an OBGYN for your annuals, yes?”
Interesting change of direction, but whatever. I nod.
“And you get nearly naked in front of a stranger, someone you see maybe once or twice a year, and allow them to invade your most intimate parts.”
“I have.” But that was before. I haven’t been to my lady doctor since before the assault, and judging by my internal recoil at the mere mention of going, I doubt I’ll be making a follow-up appointment anytime soon.
“Why is that? What reason do you give yourself to justify the personal invasion?”
I see where she’s going with this. “It’s beneficial for my health,” I say, giving her the answer I know she’s looking for.
A satisfied smile spreads across her face. “Exactly. Oftentimes throughout our lives, we have to endure uncomfortable situations for the benefit of our overall health. This is one of those moments, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Sure.” Not really.
“So for today, can we live in our discomfort? Just for the next hour. After that, if you want to go back to sitting in silence and riding the hour out, I won’t pressure you.”
I look out the window.
“Can we try?”
Without making eye contact, I let out a resigned sigh.
