Something dark and possessive sweeps through me, and for a moment, I’m tempted to shove my cock back inside her, if only to hold my cum in.
Perspiration dots her skin, and I press a kiss to her shoulder.
“We can’t keep doing that,” she says, her breath fanning over my chest.
“Yes, we can.” My arms around her tighten. “You can be angry. You have every right to be,” I tell her. “But don’t …” My voice grows thick. “Don’t push me away.”
Cecilia pulls back. Lifting her chin, her dark brown eyes meet mine as she bites on her bottom lip. “I don’t think I can get past this,” she whispers.
Her confession breaks something inside of me, but I refuse to allow her words to take root.
“Then don’t,” I tell her, shoving my emotions in a box and tucking them away. If I’ve learned one thing in dealing with all the rejection from my own family, it’s that I’m great at compartmentalizing. “Don’t get over it. Don’t forgive me.” I press a kiss to her forehead. “Hate me if that’s what you need to do,” I tell her, and I mean it. I’ll take her anger and hatred. I’ll accept whatever she decides to throw at me. “Just don’t push me away.”
CHAPTER 65
CECILIA
I’m honest enough with myself to know I’m avoiding Gabriel, but I no longer ignore his calls and texts.
We fall into a pattern of sorts over the next two weeks.
We talk on the phone almost daily. He keeps it short and sweet. Casual check-ins and hellos. But I avoid him beyond that.
Sleeping with Gabriel again was a mistake. I know that, and I think he does, too. It’s why I haven’t allowed myself to go to him again.
There’ve been plenty of opportunities.
He invites me over or asks to come see me virtually every other day. And every now and then, I catch sight of him outside my bedroom window, leaning against his motorcycle across the street. He never lingers for long, but he always parks somewhere where he knows I can see him. It’s his way of telling me he’s not giving up on me. That he’ll always be there.
It’s sweet, but despite his efforts and pleas for me not to push him away, it’s exactly what I do.
I don’t know how else to get around it.
If I allow myself to see him, I’ll sleep with him again. My willpower is only so strong and right now, Gabriel is the only person able to grant me even a molecule of solace.
But at what cost?
It doesn’t matter if I tell Gabriel I can’t be with him. That it’s only sex and nothing more. That’s what we agreed to, but what goes on between us doesn’t feel like just sex.
It never has.
I wish I could lie to myself a little longer and convince myself it’ll all be okay, but I don’t think I can.
Julio was right. It’s not fair to him.
And despite my anger, despite feeling betrayed, I won’t do that to Gabriel. I won’t use him.
So I brush his efforts off instead.
We’re still dealing with reporters and Dad is knee-deep in his attempts to salvage his re-election campaign. What happened with Austin doesn’t only affect my life. It affects my entire family. And I’m trying to be there for them as much as they’re trying to be there for me.
I’m back to therapy twice a week. For right now, at least.
I agreed to the increase mostly because it gave me another reason to tell Gabriel I was busy, but it’s been helping. Now that everything's out in the open and I don’t have any more secrets to hide, things are … not easier, per se.
But they’re different. In a good way.
I don’t know how else to describe it. Some of the weight’s been lifted off my chest, I suppose.
