My stomach twists painfully. "I don’t know where we stand, either," I tell her.
What I don’t say is that I know exactly where I want us to be standing. That she’s my girl. The only place she belongs is by my side, but for some goddamn reason, I can’t get the words out.
Because what if she doesn’t want to hear it?
She stares out the window, sunlight casting her in a soft glow. It makes her look almost untouchable. Several seconds pass in silence, and I fight the urge to fill it.
When she finally turns my way, her expression is tired but resolute.
“I need to know what this is,” she says, but her voice wavers. “I don’t know if I’m ready for—”she motions the space between us, ”—whatever this is. But I do know that I need boundaries and labels and just … I need to know, Gabriel. I need to know what you want from me? Where you see this going if it’s going anywhere at all? I just need to know.”
I step forward, closing the distance between us, my hands itching to pull her close. Every instinct screams at me to hold her. "It’s whatever you want it to be," I tell her, my voice soft but firm. "Whatever you’re ready for. That’s what this is. It’s you and me, and yeah, baby, we’re a thing. But we’re moving at your pace. This is all on your timeline, okay? I’m not going to rush you, but I’m here. I’m in this."
Her lip trembles, and for a second, I think she’ll let me in. But then she steps back, crossing her arms again. The warmth between us fades as quickly as it came.
“My life is a mess right now, Gabriel. I can’t tell up from down, and with the trial stuff coming up … I don’t see things settling down anytime soon.”
A wave of frustration builds in my chest, crawling beneath my skin. “I know. But, you’re not in this alone. All you have to do is let me in.”
She stays silent for a beat, the smell of coffee filling the air, her eyes flicking between mine as if trying to decide how much to let me see.
“It’s just really bad timing,” she says, almost pleading.
I nod, jaw clenched, heart sinking. "Right." The word tastes bitter, but I swallow it down.
The coffee machine beeps, breaking the tension. I pour us both a cup, watching as she adds a splash of creamer. She takes a tentative sip, a small smile passing over her lips.
"So, friends?" I ask, raising a brow, trying to keep things light. Even though it fucking kills me to say it. My chest tightens at the thought, but if that’s what she needs, I’ll take it.
Her smile falters, her eyes dimming.
Shit. Did I read that wrong?
“If you want that, I mean.” My voice wavers, panic bubbling up. Fuck. I sound like such a simp but I can’t find it in myself to care. “I know you have a lot on your plate, but I’m here,” I reiterate. “For whatever you need. You can lean on me.”
She shakes her head, her lip trembling again. “Yeah,” she stammers. “Friends is fine. Great even.”
Bullshit.
If friends was fine she wouldn’t look like she was two seconds away from crying. My heart swells in my chest. I hate seeing my girl upset, but does that mean she wants more? That she wants me?
I take her mug from her hands, setting it aside before grabbing her chin gently, forcing her to look at me. “What is it, baby?”
Her eyes drop, and she tries to pull away, but I’m not letting her. I pull her closer until her chest is flush against mine.
“None of this works if we lie to each other.”
She buries her face in my chest, and I wrap my arms around her, resting my chin on top of her head. Her body trembles against me, and my heart feels like it’s breaking for her. "I thought … I thought you’d want to give things a real shot. I know I already said things are a mess. And I know my problems don’t need to be yours. Right now is the worst possible time to start a relationship. Trust me, I know. And I get that it’s a lot to ask."
Her words sink in like a slap upside the head and I cut her off mid ramble. “You’re joking, right?”
Her brows furrow, and she hastily wipes at her eyes with the backs of her hands. “Sorry. God. I’m such a mess. I don’t know what I was thinking. Just ignore me, okay? Friends is great. It’s more than I?—”
“Cecilia, we’re getting our wires crossed.” I tilt her chin toward me again, needing her to hear me. “You said your life was a mess. I thought that meant you weren’t ready for a relationship.”
“It is a mess,” she stammers, her voice shaky. “And I’m not 100% ready. Not in the ‘lets be responsible and jump in feet first’ kind of way. I think I’m more of the ‘let's go head first and hope for the best’ sort of way. But that’s okay, right? Life is messy. We have ups and downs but umm … I’m not really sure where I’m going with all that but—” Her watery smile meets mine.
“Tell me what you want,” I say, needing to hear the words. “I’m all in, baby. Friends, dating, hell, marriage—you name it. Whatever you want, I’m in. Just tell me what you want and it’s yours.”
