I don’t know what I’m getting into with him. Do I even want to be with someone who’s gone nine months out of the year? The idea of being a baseball player’s girlfriend sounds fun, but what’s that life really like? With him traveling all the time, with women throwing themselves at him in different cities. I’ve never really considered it because I’ve never known a pro baller.
But now I do.
And I don’t want to let him go at the end of this.
Only…it doesn’t feel like that feeling is reciprocated. Or maybe it is, but he’s too scared to admit it. I want to shake him awake and remind him that I’m not his ex, that we won’t drift apart just because they did.
“What are you scared of?” I finally ask.
He’s quiet a few beats, and then he kisses my shoulder. “I’m scared of what’s coming in two weeks, but I’m also scared of jumping into something neither of us are really ready for.”
Beneath his words is the pain of what’s happened to him before—of trusting the wrong people, like his father. Of pouring himself into a relationship only for it to end. He doesn’t have a wealth of experience when it comes to women, and for as much as we feel like we’ve grown to know each other in the last two weeks, how well can you really know a person in that time period? How much can youtrustsomeone in that time period?
It feels real, but it’s easier for him to believe it’s an act.
Especially given my career.
He can’t give up that sort of power, and I can’t really blame him for that. It’ll hurt so much more in the end if this goes south.
And it’s not just that. He broke it off with Tatum to protect her, and she ran to his brother. He’s probablydoing this to protect me, too, in some twisted way. To keep me away from his family.
We’re safe here. It feels like we’re untouchable in this bed, in this suite, in this resort. On this island.
But back in the real world, we’ll be hit with real issues. And what was only ever meant to be a vacation fling surely can’t withstand the pressure of those real-world issues.
It’s disheartening. Heartbreaking, really. It’s unfortunate. But it’s also what tells me I reallyhavecome to understand him in this short amount of time.
So as much as I want to tell him I’m falling for him, I keep the words inside. I’ll relegate those feelings to the back burner, and I’ll mourn them when I get home.
Because for now, I’m going to soak in every single moment we get together. It’s my only choice when he’s not willing to pull the end date off us.
CHAPTER 33: Archer Bradley
Excursions
We do some more foundation work. Her gaze holds mine as we brainstorm ideas.
I wish I trusted my instincts more. She never said it, but I got the feeling this morning that she was holding something back. I should’ve asked her to spell it out.
I’m not sure if it’s related to her meeting with the manager or if it’s the fact that we’re both feeling the end of this month closing in on us. Either way, it’s the first time I can think of in my entire history of playing baseball that I wish the offseason was just a little longer. I wish I had to sit out sixty games instead of forty, that I could stay here a little longer with her.
Two weeks shouldn’t mean this much, and it’s clear that I’m falling too hard too fast. What if I told hersure, let’s try it? What if we get back and she resents my lifestyle, which leads to her resenting me?
And it’s not just that.
She’s had a dream six years in the making that’s about to come true thanks to her big break here at this veryresort, and I refuse to jeopardize her dreams. By the same token, I also refuse to be used.
Will I question every single woman’s intentions with me from now until the rest of time because of what I do for a living? Maybe yes, maybe no.
What couple doesn’t have their issues, though?It’s a small voice in the back of my mind fighting for this thing with Millie.
I wish I could listen to it.
Instead, I’m listening to the louder voices, the warning ones telling me she only wants me for the surface reasons.
The only way I’ll ever know the answer to that is to take the leap and trust her intentions.
And it’s not just that. It seems like I’m getting through to her. I find her picking up her phone less and less. I find her focusing on having fun, smiling with me, and laughing with me more and more. She’s living in the moment, and I’m not sure she’s ever really done that before.
