“Focus on the thread,” he reminded me, his voice so calm and kind that it was impossible to tell if he was hurting.
My breath quivered when I inhaled, but I needed to do this. If I could find the bonds between me and my husbands, maybe I could use them to find Tor. It was a tiny hope, easily distinguished, but it was something. So I brushed an inner touch to the gleaming star that arched from me to Pain.
“That’s it, breathe evenly,” he coached, his hand warm on my breastbone. “Don’t think about anything else, just focus on the bonds.”
Of course, as soon as he said that, all I could think about was the temple Cruelty’s illusion threw me into, and the gravestone that bore Tor’s name. She was going to kill him. She’d wait for the moment with the most impact, when it would crush us the most, then she’d kill him. Would I ever see him again? Would she wait for me to witness his murder, or would she just send him back to us in a coffin?
I tried to hold onto the bright star of Pain’s soul, but my mind spun around the gravestone over and over, imagining all the horrific ways Cruelty and Violence could kill my husband.
I jumped so hard my heart knocked into my ribs when someone threw their arms around me, squeezing so hard that I yelped. I was still so attuned to that bright star that IfeltMadde. Not just his arms crushing all the air from my lungs, buthim.Ephemeral and vibrant like a fire. If the first bond feltlike starlight, this was a burning sun, hot, passionate, and more dangerous than I could have imagined.
Like I had with Pain, I reached out to touch the thread linking us together, and it vibrated like a violin string in my chest. Madde squeezed me tighter, until Miz had to intervene.
“Touch me,” I urged him without opening my eyes. “I think I can find the thread of our bond, but I need you to be touching me.”
Miz didn’t hesitate. He cupped my face with a warm hand, fingertips sliding into my hair, and when his lips brushed my temple, I felt him. Unlike the others, this wasn’t a bright burst of sensation but a slow, measured unfolding, like a rose unfurling its petals. Misery felt like warm rain after a drought, like standing by a waterfall as the sun blazed down. A weight slid off my shoulders and I fell into him, arching against the feel of his soul like a touch-starved cat.
“There’s my girl,” he breathed, his lips moving over my temple. “You feel… like a miracle. Like I’ve been frozen cold and now I’m warm.”
My eyes stung. The temptation to open them, to look into his eyes, was so strong, but if I stopped now, I was afraid I’d lose all the bonds. None of us really knew what we were doing, but it wasworking.
“Death,” I breathed, holding my other hand out and surprised when he immediately clasped my hand. Had I sensed where he was, even without a grip on the bond? He brought my hand to his mouth, pressed his lips to my knuckles and held there, and I gasped as another sensation filled my chest, wistful and calm. Images flashed through my mind this time. His soul was a forest—ancient and reassuring, a place to leave all my worries behind and let nature wash my fears away.
Air filled my lungs, somehow clearer, crisper with my bonds flaring to life within me. I couldfeelthem, and it was wondrousand a little bit terrifying. Just days ago, I’d been Cruelty’s captive, tortured by Violence, and now I was free and alive and full of awe. It gave me whiplash.
“Don’t think about that,” Death murmured. “You don’t need to go back there.”
I wasn’t sure I could ever stop going back there. But I made myself nod, and while I still had enough amazement and belief, while I feltpowerfulinstead of powerless, I reached for the other tether I felt in the heart of my chest.
No sensations sprung to life, and I didn’t get a real sense of it right away, but I held onto the thread. There were probably better ways to do this but imagining I ziplined down the thread was the best I could think of right now.
“I think we can all agree I’ve beenvery goodat staying quiet for the past few minutes,” Madde began.
“Shh,” Pain hissed. “Let her concentrate.”
“Fine, I’ll be good for another minute,” Madde sulked.
I reached further, stretching a hand out blindly, waiting for fingers to grip mine as if I could pull Tor from a dark ocean before he drowned. But all that happened was I reached, and reached…
My shoulders dropped.
“It took Tor a whole day to find you,” Death said, startling my eyes open. “Don’t give up on your first try.”
“Tor was the one who found me at Darkmore?” I asked, pain gripping my throat, making my voice small.
“He was,” Death confirmed, giving me a steady, settling stare. I felt that calm in his soul, the forest that would bend under a violent wind but never break, ageless, stronger than anything. I filled my lungs with another deep breath and nodded.
“Okay. I’ll try again.”
But three more attempts got me the same result. I reached into the endless space between Tor and I and found nothing. And by the time I finally gave up, I was exhausted both physically and mentally. My brow was sweaty, my heartbeat laboured, lungs raspy like I’d been sprinting.
“Sit down,” Miz ordered bossily, “before you fall down.”
He still sounded like the asshole I’d first met, but when he’d bustled me into a well-stuffed armchair, he brushed a lock of white hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear, as loving as ever. I caught his hand when it dropped and squeezed tightly.
“I’ll find him,” I promised, holding his heavy golden stare. When was the last time he slept? He looked more exhausted than me. They all did.
“Wewill find him,” he corrected. “Together. Don’t even think about going off on your own to save one of us. Not again. I forbid it.”
