Didn’t mean I didn’t feel it, though.
On Thursday afternoon, I finished up practice with the guys. We all headed to the locker room to shower and change, but as usual, I said my goodbyes and endured their ribbing on having to head up toice dancingrehearsal.
It was Dakvaar who stopped me on the way out, his hand going to my shoulder as he peered into my eyes. The older male shook his head almost sadly, then squeezed my shoulder.
“Good luck,T’mak.”
“Fuck you, I’mhappy.” I wasn’t lying; Lila made me happy, even if we were only dating.
He merely hummed and pulled his hand away, hoisting his bag over his shoulder and heading for the door.
Iwashappy.
Wasn’t I?
Maybe it was the pity in my friend’s face that made me more irritable as I changed into the specially-madetuxedo, or maybe I was just embarrassed to be seen skating in something this ridiculous. Granted, it had been tailored to my size,andmade so I could move on the ice, but still. Who ever heard of an orc ice dancing in a tux?
So I was scowling as I stomped my way toward the main rink, the one where this season’s Teal Terrors had spent the afternoon running drills and scrimmages under our coaches’ watchful eyes.
We were good, had a good group of males, and you know what?
After months of guilt and anger at myself, I hadn’t started this year’s training feeling like I needed to make up for my failure during playoffs. Just like Torrk and Bardon and the others had told me in the gym all those weeks ago: No one blamed me for my penalty.
Just like Lila had assured me: They all knew I’d just been doing my job.
My team didn’t consider me the reason we lost our spot in the playoffs, and I needed to get my head out of my ass. Yeah, maybe it was easier said than done, but a few weeks of working with the team again,feelingmy place among them, and I was doing better.
Not as guilty, that was for sure…although maybe it was because I was busy being torn up by all the emotions I was feeling over the Lila situation.
This afternoon was our last dress rehearsal before tomorrow’s performance, which is why we were on the main rink. I’d always felt at home here, even though we playedour games at the arena. I stepped out of the locker room, my skates over my shoulder, took a deep inhale…
And knew something was wrong.
Joshua was pacing, there were maintenance crews in the bleachers doing something to make the place more comfortable for the big spenders tomorrow…and Lila was nowhere to be found.
So yeah, I knew something was wrong before I saw her.
Slowly, I turned in a full circle, sending out my senses, searching for her.There. A knot of sorrow and fear and loss, slowly moving toward us from the admin wing.
I was already moving toward that door when Joshua turned and noticed me. “Kardok!” he yelled, relief in his voice. “Have you seen Lila?”
I didn’t have time to growl before the door opened, and my Mate stepped into the rink. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks tear-stained, and her lips pale. She was gripping her hands in front of her, and she hadn’t changed into her skating costume yet.
My skates hit the ground as I called to Joshua without looking, “Rehearsal’s cancelled.”
“But—” he began, hurrying toward us.
Lila was already shaking her head, backing away, her tear-filled blue eyes locked on mine. I saw her lips form the words, “I’m sorry,” even though no sound emerged, and myKteerbegan to howl in panic.
“What’s wrong?” I barked, striding toward her. “Lila, how can I fix it?”
She was still shaking her head, backing away as I reached the door and grabbed it to keep it from closing. Now I saw her taking a shaking breath, her fingers gripping each other in desperation.
“I—I came…” She swallowed down a sort of hiccup sound, her gaze dropping to my chest. “I have to cancel.”
“I cancelled rehearsal already, Lila.” When I reached for her, she flinched away, and that caused my stomach to heave in horror. “Dkaar, what’s wrong?”
“Cancel the exhibition, Kardok.” When she shifted her gaze to mine for just a moment, I saw the pain there. “I’m so sorry. I—I can’t be seen with you.”
