I laughed.
"Anyway, his papers go through the end of the year," Shane said. "Slot opens after that. Could be late January, could be February. I haven't said anything to anybody else. I wanted to ask you first."
I looked at the boxes in the hallway. Then I looked at Penny on the rug.
"Put my name in."
A beat. I heard him smile.
"Good," he said. "I'll put it in. I'll have to take it to the chief, but I think it'll be a clean call."
"Yeah."
"Alright, brother. I'll let you know when I know."
"Thanks, Shane."
"Hey, Ford."
"Yeah?"
"It'll be good to have you back."
"Yeah, brother."
"Talk soon."
He hung up.
The kitchen was very quiet.
I stayed there at the counter with the phone still in my hand.
Every plan I'd come up with for the last year and a half had started with her gone. Sell the house, because she's not in it. Box up the recipe cards, because she won't be making the pot roast anymore. None of the knowing had ever made the doing feel less like I was using her death to get something I wanted.
I looked down the hallway at the boxes I hadn't packed.
Penny lifted her head from the rug.
"Hey, Pen."
She looked at me.
"We might be goin' home."
The next shift, I drove to the station and didn't tell anybody about the call.
The Hartsdale firehouse smelled the way every firehouse I'd ever stood in had smelled: diesel, industrial soap, and coffee that had been on the burner since the night shift signed off. The light came in high through the bay windows and hit the side of the rig at a slant, making the whole place look better than it was.
I'd been working out of this firehouse for two and a half years. Long enough that Lou, the lieutenant, didn't have to look up from his clipboard to call me by name.
Duke was on his third protein bar of the shift, leaning against the front bumper of the engine with one boot up on the running board, halfway through whatever he was about to make myproblem. The wrapper crinkled in his fist every time he took a bite.
"So," he said. "Maddy."
I didn't look up from the compartment latch. "No."
"You haven't met her."
