Now dressed, she uses two fingers to gently caress from the top of my head, halfway down my length. “How was I supposed to know my pet would get jealous seeing my hands all over someone else?” Carefully lifting me up, she helps me onto her shoulders before lightly running a finger beneath my jaw, down my throat. “As needy as a puppy, this one. I should have guessed Mason would smuggle him in after as restless as he seemed earlier today so we wouldn’t have to leave him alone.”
As she helps Crystal divide the money into separate stacks, I coil my tail around her upper arm. While they count and stuff their purses, I simply soak up her presence, enjoying the brief time I get her to myself.
I’m not much for solitude, always finding comfort surrounded by my nest as opposed to most vipers that branch off on their own as soon as they’re able. It’s why I was so fucking miserable until Stryker moved in; first my parents left me, and then grandpa chucked me out of the house the day I turned seventeen.
I can’t stand being alone, and my friends have always been two steps away from self-destructing, would leave me behind if it meant escaping the pain that they struggle to live with. Now Risa’s here, healing them in a way that I never could, and the world wants to rip her away from us, fromme.
So for just a moment, I pretend that she’s solely mine. That if I hold on tightly enough, she won’t disappear the moment I blink. I imagine what it would be like to rest easy, wrapped around her so no one can take her away.
I let myself pretend that the universe will eventually forgive me for being too needy as a kid, forcing my parents to drive off of that cliff just to escape being around me.
It’s the one and only time I’ve ever lied to my mate; I wasn’t a toddler when they killed themselves, I was six. I still remember the blank look on their faces as they dropped me off with a suitcase on my grandfather’s doorstep. They didn’t even say goodbye, just got in their car and never looked back.
I’m cursed; I’ve pulled Mason and Stryker back from the brink of no return, time and time again, all the while wondering if it’s being around me that keeps pushing them back to the ledge. Yet I’m selfish enough to keep them close, because I’m terrified that if one more person leaves me, I won’t be able to deny the truth anymore. I’m either too much or not enough, but for all that I preach about loving them until they figure out how to love themselves, I’m a hypocrite.
I hated myself the day I tried to drown myself in my grandfather’s lake, and I continue to hate myself every day that I wake up, unable to tell the people I love to run before I end up suffocating them too.
Risa says her goodbyes and heads out to find the others, still riding the high from tonight and full of fire in a way I’ve never seen her before. Then there’s me, who literally sucks the life out of her, using her so that I can actually feel alive for once, to be happy.
And all the while, I remain wrapped around her throat, her living noose that tightens more with each passing day.
Chapter 21
Risa
––––––––
Setting my empty glassin the sink, I head out of the kitchen to get dressed and see if I can con the guys into going to the bookstore today. While we shouldn’t go crazy stocking up on things during our temporary stint here, I’m bored out of my ever-loving mind. Hell, we could spend the day at the library so we don’t need to buy anything and I’ll be thrilled.
Pausing, I glance back towards the front door, changing direction. A small corner of a manila envelope is peeking out beneath it, and I slide it the rest of the way inside without opening the door, already assuming the worst. Carefully opening it, I reach inside, frowning.
“Oh, now that’s disgusting.”
I promptly drop the photos back inside the envelope and wipe my hand on my shirt. Internally, I’m cringing, because I already know nothing I say is going to keep the guys in check after they see this.
Goodbye, bookstore.
