No, I hadn’t. Realising the relationship had been about noticing the subtleties, not the overt. Oh lord, they felt I wasn’t okay with their being together. I was restricting them, letting my friends down. I hung my head in shame and apologised.
“What for?”
“This whole conversation has been unfair to you.”
“This whole conversation is the result of a caring parent not knowing how to tackle a difficult subject.”
He was right. “I guess I get too much in my own head sometimes, especially when it’s about Fin.”
“I get it,” he said. “You don’t have backup at home to discuss things with. So take some advice. If in doubt, speak to Shi. He’s not a father himself, but he knows how to take care of those who depend on him.”
Again, he was right and I nodded.
“Good.” He took another slug from the flask. “Sullivan, tell me, what’s your vision of the perfect partner for you?”
Not a question I was expecting. I looked into the middle distance and wondered how to put it into words. “Erm. Kind. Caring. Intelligent. Inner strength.” I smiled. “Tall. Athletic. Long black hair.”
“Hmm,” he said. “Who are you describing?”
“Sasha.” I frowned at him. “My late wife.”
“Hmm,” he said. “You sure?”
Who else would I be describing? I took up the drink and downed it in one. “Yes.” I stood. “Look, I’m sorry, and thanks.”
“No problem,” he said. “And, just so you know, Flight Captain Shi spoke to me months ago about protecting Fin from stuff he’s not ready for.”
* * *
When Flight Captain Ang Shi returned, he did indeed have a surprise for us. Four breeding sets of pigs. We built sties for them along one side of the inner bailey, with access into rooms which at that point were unused. We had instructions to learn and follow on animal husbandry and butchery.
The addition meant that we had meat more regularly on the menu, and the small vegetable patch got bigger and better fertilised.
And the dragons got an occasional fresh snack.
Fin was horrified the first time he realised I was taking a live piglet to the nests for a dragon to eat, but he understood. He even grew used to having to take guts and entrails down to the nests if we butchered a pig. That was the bit that made me feel sick.
Chapter Nine
Cooking for sixteen people takes time and effort, and in the case of that meal it also meant a lot of heavy stirring. But it was my turn on the rota, and I enjoyed cooking, a skill I’d discovered when I married. Also, I knew Rider Klah was to cook for the next shift, and they weren’t a great cook, so I made enough for the full fortress complement of twenty-two. All Klah would have to do was cook some rice and heat the leftovers. Even he could manage that. Though the pan might need the rice unwelded from it in the washing up after.
Dinner was a raucous affair, not least of all because it was Fin’s eleventh birthday. Decorations were made from the newssheets we got, always late, with the various deliveries. Messengers rarely came with one paper or one letter. They were saved up and delivered once every three to five weeks. Or one of us would pick them up if we had to visit Ashland Harbour for some reason.
So we had pinned up printed bunting, paper chains, and put on silly hats. Except Shi, he wasn’t a hat wearer, and certainly not a silly one. All of it would stay in place for the nine days until the Saturnine Celebration. Except the hats of course, but we would keep those ready too.
“Mm-mm,” Fenwick leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. “That was luscious. Just how do you make a vegetable chilli taste so meaty?”
We’d not had our supplies in again and were keeping the slaughtering of another pig until Saturnine. So I had had to make do. “I saved the juices after that last side of beef was roasted and used them today.”
“Meat juice in a vegetarian chilli?” Jimny asked. “Sir?”
I grinned at him. “Only because no one here is an actual vegetarian. If I’d cooked like this at home, Sasha would have killed me. Shewasvegetarian.”
“Was she?” Fin asked. As it was his birthday, Shi had sat him at the head of the table and taken his seat beside me.
I looked at Fin and smiled. “Yes, she was. Never ate meat. Even before I met her. That was why I had to learn to cook, so she wasn’t the only one who could.”
I felt the hand under the table move to my thigh. The squeeze a small and unseen offer of support.
