I found the injury, a fractured toe, which isn’t as minor as it sounds. If he had continued to heal in the way it was, with Ang pushing through the pain, he would have been forever misaligned and painful. Ang gasped as I healed it, because I hadto pull it out of its crooked state before I could put it back into alignment correctly.
We sat there together, opposite one another, hands held longer than we needed to. The sensation of just being together, being connected, it was more comfort than anything I had experienced since losing Sasha. My eyes flew open. What was I doing? I jerked away, and to my shame, I ran.
* * *
The punchbag got another pounding, as it all too often did. Despite our conversations, Ang Shi kept pushing Fin way harder than he should. Fin was coming home exhausted. Happy, yes, but exhausted.My request for reassignment had been declined again. If I worked hard enough, maybe I could sweat away the other feelings I had for Ang Shi. That feelings I was hating myself for.
I was unwrapping my hands when Ang Shi arrived. He nodded once to me, then turned his back, removed his jacket and then his shirt. And that expanse of skin wasn’t as touchable as my guts wanted. By the Gods, so close. So out of reach. I couldn’t keep doing this. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right to remember Sasha and want—
“You’re pushing him too hard.”
I hadn’t meant to say it, but the words slipped out. Torturing myself wasn’t enough, now I was striking out at him. Unfairly. Shi’s spine straightened. Carefully he turned to face me.
“What was that, Flight Sergeant?”
I couldn’t hold back my glare, so I turned away, concentrated on removing the bindings from my hands instead. This wasn’t his fault, but he was there, he was the easy target. “Nothing, sir.”
“Nothing?” he asked, standing braced before me. The wide-legged stance invited the eye. I determinedly did not give in. “Strange, because I could have sworn that you claimed I was pushing ‘him’ too hard. By which I take it you are questioning my training regime for Fin Segast. Is that right, Flight Sergeant Segast?”
I dragged my lip into my mouth to stop myself from responding.
“As Flight Captain of this outpost, I have the final say on what happens in this fortress. I have been training Riders for many years. Are you questioning my abilities, Flight Sergeant?”
This time I shot to my feet. “This has nothing to do with my rank, or yours. Fin’s still a kid. You can’t push him like an initiate at a college.”
Now we were eye to eye I could see that calculation in his expression, that hardness. The bastard didn’t care, and that boiled my blood.
“Fin is fifteen, he needs to channel his energies into something, you can’t keep pulling him or yourself out of every social situation in this place. The Fortress isn’t that big.”
“I’m his father, not you.”
He reared. “That you have made perfectly clear.”
I couldn’t have felt colder if Salvadora had breathed ice on me.
“Get out of here, Flight Sergeant. Before you lose that rank.”
* * *
My gut churned and threatened rebellion. Fin had, over breakfast, reminded me that I had promised he could have a formation flying lesson on a clear day. The promise had been rashly made based on the idea that in Unkea, misty was usually considered a clear day. Unfortunately, that day had dawnedclear and bright and blue-skied everywhere. What cloud there was light and fluffy and as scary as Dora’s paw down feathers. My arguments that Fin didn’t have a dragon to fly lasted all of a heartbeat when Flight Captain Shi pointed out that he could ride Salvadora, with him and Wingmate Gahunia.
Gahunia was another Rider who had come to Unkea a year or two before. He was younger than me and someone I trusted. Yet the idea of staying on the landing platform while the others flew sent pain along my jaw.
I’d had to put my eyes to the table not to snap at Shi even as my chest tightened. Yes, Ang Shi was a good teacher, a great leader. But Fin was my son.
That argument about his pushing Fin had been months ago. I’d done everything I could to avoid a repeat of it. I’d basically avoided interaction with any and all of the men stationed here, and reduced Fin’s contact as much as I could. But he wasn’t a baby, I couldn’t confine him to his room. So I functioned as a Flight Sergeant, as a member of the Fortress community, but I was only functioning. I felt nothing. I could not afford to feel. Any emotion threatened to swamp me, and if Ang Shi took against me, he could have Fin and I kicked out, not of Unkea, because where did you go from the pit of the service? No he’d have me kicked out of the service entirely, and then where would I go? Being a Rider was the only thing I knew.
That day, between my pleading son and my commanding officer making everything oh so easy for him, there was little I could do to hold them back. Fin had nearly burst with pride when he’d walked up to the platform with the others. I was incinerating within my own skin. Had I been sick, I would have spewed nothing but ashes.
The skies were clear and blue, and I watched with either the naked eye or with a telescope as the three of them soared in the air. I could hear Fin with Salvadora, I could hear Salvadora’sresponses to the other dragons. It sounded like they were having fun out there while I was stuck here.
Then they were too far gone. Out to sea, beyond the horizon. I didn’t care that it was only three miles. All there was out there was ocean. If Fin made a mistake, if he fell —
No, I was being foolish. Fin wouldn’t make that kind of mistake. Dora wouldn’t let him. Besides, if he fell, assuming she didn’t catch him, Gahunia rode a purple, Hemi Kaelan, they could dive into the sea and rescue Fin.
I retched at the idea of Fin falling into the sea.
Suddenly the trio reappeared and headed directly for the landing platform. They flew well in formation, Ang Shi at the front, Gahunia and Fin behind. Salvadora wasn’t in entirely the correct position, and I wasn’t sure if that was down to her or Fin, I was only glad that Fin was okay.
