Unable to settle after a night shift, I padded down to the nests. Salvadora was having no trouble sleeping, she was curled up and warm. Lord Aurexian was absent, so Ang Shi must have been out too.
“The privilege of command,” Fenwick said as he moved up to me. “He can go out any time he wants, no need for permission or explanation. How’s you?”
My stomach made bad sounds, not exactly a gurgle, not exactly a wretch, but not nice.
“Do you need to eat or throw up?” Fenwick asked.
“Both, probably,” I admitted. “I thought Fin would be down here.”
“Another half hour or so,” Fenwick said. “He’s still in class. You gonna tell me what the problem is?”
I leaned on the post marker between nests and hung my head. “I’m just wallowing.”
“Not something I’ve seen you do for some years now, so what are you wallowing in?”
“How useless I am as a father and a Rider.”
Fenwick nodded. “Well, that really is deep shit.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that.
“Because you’re not useless at either.”
I looked him in the eye. “Doesn’t feel like it.” The sigh felt like it came from my toes. “I’m forever at odds with the Flight Captain and feel like I’m the worst role model there is for Fin.”
“I see.” Fenwick widened his stance and folded his arms. “So how are you not helping Fin?”
“I haven’t been able to help him with his magic or his mind-speech. I can’t teach him on the mats. His schoolwork sends me cross-eyed. About the only thing I’ve taught him is how to cook. Jimny had to teach him how to iron a shirt.”
“Shirts can be hard to iron,” Fenwick said. “It’s the gathering at the shoulders and cuffs. And you haven’t had to iron for years because of the swap you did to save Jimny’s hands. Cooking is a great skill, one more of us need to learn. His future wife will thank you for passing that on. Schoolwork sends every adult cross-eyed because none of us have to be that academic, post-college. As a parent, you are not allowed to teach Fin on the mats, that’s a service rule, nothing against you. And as for the magic work, well Ang Shi is unsurpassed when it comes to teaching that. I think it’s all about his sensitivity to even minor electrical currents.”
“And listen to what you just said, Fenwick. Shi’s teaching him more than I am.”
“And Fin is doing really well at rebuffing the Evanovs’ attempts to bully him. That comes from you, not Ang.”
“Unlikely.” I shook my head. “Every time I see either, I just want to punch them.”
“Yep, most of us feel that way. Even Ang.”
I huffed a bitter laugh. “Oh look, common ground! And yet I can’t even find a way to get on with the guy. I never get it right around him. I’m always on my guard. And after all the years I’ve been here, you’d think I’d be better at that, but Iswear it’s getting worse. Even Dora and Lord A are doing better together these days.”
“They’re having sex,” Fenwick pointed out. “Not sure that would work for you and Ang Shi. Yet.”
* * *
3952, New Translaw Calendar
“Fin?” I called after my son from my seat by the fire.
“Night, Dad,” he mumbled and staggered straight to his room.
I put down the newssheet, got up and followed him through. He had already crashed on the bed. “Fin? What’s going on? You’ve come home like this every night for the last week. What are you doing?”
“Ang said…”
But I wasn’t to know what Ang had said, because that sentence ended in a snore.
This was ridiculous. Some parents had to cope with their sons coming home from the pub drunk on cheap beer and stinking of cheaper women. My son came home too overworked for supper. Or even to undress before getting into bed.
