Luis pulls a face, shakes his head.
‘Oh. Well, I …’ Ash is impressed he doesn’t know, and relieved. It’s interesting CJ hasn’t spilled the tea, had a little gossip. Discreet of her. Discreet is … good. Discreet is very classy. CJ earns another point on the ‘actually isn’t that bad’ scorecard Ash is apparently keeping in her mind. Those points are adding up. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Ash decides. ‘Don’t worry.’
‘Do you need to go and get anything?’ Luis asks. ‘Your bag, or …?’
‘Gimme five minutes,’ Ash nods. ‘I’ll need a cardigan.’
Ash takes the stairs two at a time and bursts into her room to quickly brush her teeth, spray some more deodorant, and for reasons she refuses to fully examine, straightens out her bedspread and leaves on a lamp. She’s not planning on bringing anyone back up here! But. You know. If anybody did end up back here, at least the mood lighting would be on point. Also, purely as insurance, she goes to the loo and uses a wet wipe between her legs, for freshness, vaginal PH levels be damned. She throws a jumper over her shoulders and touches up her make-up, then heads back down to Luis in record time – only to hear voices as she gets to the bottom step. She registers them but doesn’t process it fast enough to linger around the corner to double-check who it is, and soshe walks directly in on Luis and CJ laughing about something, and feels like she’s interrupting when they both turn to look and stop.
‘She lives!’ CJ says, eyebrows arched and tone dripping in sarcasm.
Ash can feel herself colour up, heat rising to the surface of her cheeks like red wine dripped onto a tablecloth. ‘I do live,’ she answers, and she feels inexplicably shy. It’s mortifying she made a scene on Sunday, sure, but on balance everyone here is an adult. A bit of banter is to be expected so that they can all move on. ‘You got your jumper back,’ she adds.
‘Yes. Thank you.’
‘Thankyou.’
Luis chips in, ‘Does anyone want to thank me?’
CJ hits his shoulder. ‘You don’t get thanks, not when you almost forgot the confirmation sheets.’
‘Ouch!’ Luis cries, dramatically, rubbing the site of impact. ‘Look, I will do it now, OK? Ash, I will be two shakes of a lamb’s tail.’ He looks to CJ. ‘I said that correctly, didn’t I?’
‘You did,’ CJ concedes, and as Luis dashes off to do whatever it is he’s just been told off for forgetting, CJ and Ash are left alone. Just Ash. And CJ. Nobody else in the mess.Whereiseveryone?wonders Ash. It’s so quiet they can hear a funicular shuddering up the hill, one street over, the voices on the street outside, belonging to tourists gathering at the wine bars.
‘So—’ Ash says, not knowing how she’s going to finish that sentence, right as CJ says, ‘How are you—?’
Both women stop talking at the same time, gesturing for the other to go first, that CJ is sorry to have spoken over Ash,that Ash is sorry to have spoken over CJ, mirror images of each other’s flustered and overly pronounced good manners.
‘Sorry,’ CJ flushes – and Ash half wonders:Is she … is she actually blushing?The other half of Ash’s brain is busy turning to certified mush. CJ makes Ash’s tongue tie itself in knots, her heart beat in double time and not quite regular. She hates that CJ has that kind of power – not that CJ is taking it. Ash is bloody giving it away. She’slettingCJ be the cause of her feeling so … so … undone.
‘No,I’msorry,’ Ash babbles. ‘After you. I don’t even know what I was going to say.’
CJ furrows her brow, like she doesn’t believe her, but she presses on regardless. ‘I was just going to ask how you’re finding it. You know, a week in. Settling in? Got everything you need?’ She’s wearing barrel-legged jeans slung low on her hips, a thin sleeveless T-shirt falling over her voluptuous chest and flat stomach, the armholes big and low so part of her torso is exposed, all tight abs and the suggestion of side boob. Ash glances down, impressed by CJ’s body, but knows this probably isn’t an appropriate thing to do – or say – and pulls her eyes away. It takes a lot not to take a second glance. Or third. The woman is just so damnedfit. Must be all that tennis.
‘Yeah! Great! Lovely, thanks!’ Ash answers, and she’s aware it comes out a beat too fast, a volume level too loud. But can she stop? Can she hell. On she goes. ‘I mean, obviously, you know, we had that … thing’ (she isn’t looking at CJ’s side boob, nope, not at all) ‘that first day, or second day, or whatever, so that wasn’t great, but then Luis hasbeen friendly – we’re just on our way out, actually, to this park he knows – and I’ve met the other residents here’ (still not looking), ‘urm, Carley, I met her, the South African? And Jeremy, I played table football with him’ (OK, just a quick look down. CJ doesn’t have an ounce of fat on her, she’s like, an actual athlete, it’s impressive, honestly) ‘and then yeah, you know, just chilling, been to the museums and oh, god, well, I met this woman? Mona? Just when I was out on Sunday, and, well, I’m sorry you had to deal with all that, you know, it’s not like me at all to drink until I’m sick, but the wine’ (OK, stop looking now, just focus on CJ’s actual face, focus!) ‘at the restaurant, it just kept coming, and we were talking, and laughing, and you know how sometimes it’s easier to talk about things with a stranger than somebody from back home or whatever, I guess it was kind of like that, and—’
CJ reaches out a hand to Ash’s shoulder, her hand small but her grip firm, her touch warm and comforting, like slipping into a gently heated bed on a cold night, when it makes you want to go,ahhhh. ‘Babe,’ she says. ‘Take a breath.’
Ash halts her speech – what was that? Those words, pouring out of her like an exorcism. She can’t even remember what question CJ asked her, but shit, Ash had acted like it was an invitation for her life story. They look at one another, CJ’s full lips upturning at one corner, the beginnings of a smirk, and Ash can see she comes in peace. It relaxes her, and so she smiles too. The invisible ice is broken. ‘I just meant like, is your shower hot enough,’ CJ clarifies, and Ash laughs.
‘You make me nervous!’ Ash says, before she can stopherself. Her hand shoots up to her mouth. ‘I mean, not nervous, it’s just. Well …’
She’s gone from speaking in endless sentences to incomplete ones.
‘I’ve got resting bitch face and wasn’t very nice the night you checked in?’ CJ supplies, and Ash throws up her hands. That’s it exactly. Ash pulls a face, confirming CJ’s theory. ‘Yeah, well, you were three hours late and hadn’t let us know,’ CJ presses. ‘You messed up my entire evening. I was pissed.’
‘Oh my god,’ Ash says. ‘It never occurred to me to call to let you know. I’m so sorry. Oh, wow. Maybe I deserved the cold shoulder, then. So it’s me who is the arsehole?’
CJ shrugs, doesn’t quite laugh but is softening for sure. ‘How about neither of us is, and we just start over?’
Ash takes a big breath. ‘Yes,’ she says. ‘Ohmygod, yes. Great.’ She sticks out a hand. ‘Deal.’
CJ shakes it. ‘Welcome to Lisbon,’ she says. ‘Anything you need, just ask.’
Ash nods her head, can feel her breath coming back to her, heart rate slowing.
CJ and Ash stand, fingers interlocked, palms touching, the pair staring at one another, Ash’s cool gaze upon CJ’s dilated pupils, lump in her throat so big that as she tries to swallow she lets out an audible gulp. Fucking shameful.
