He and these men have my gratitude forever.
Apparently, coming to peace with a murderer is easier than accepting the fact that Levi was stalking me, or rather, that I liked it because it makes me feel special.
My head is such a mess, and that’s what makes me think maybe I shouldn’t be in a relationship.
“She died right in front of me in that fucking basement, giving birth to my little sister.”
I still at this, my heart contracting with hurt just imagining him having to go through that. “I’m so sorry, Levi.”
He doesn’t turn to me, as if looking at me right now brings him discomfort. Instead, he proceeds to tell me his horrific backstory, a story that destroys my soul.
One shouldn’t compare suffering. It’s not a competition, but as shitty as my childhood was…he had it way worse.
“It’s the first time I've ever told anyone about my past. Even Wyatt doesn’t know all the details.” He walks toward the banister, letting the rain, which has grown less heavy, fall on him, and he spins around, leaning back while our eyes meet. “Now you know everything. Why I do what I do. I would never apologize and never stop, because if me being a murderer means that fewer children will have to watch their mother die in cages while rapists go on to live their perverted lives, then that’s the price I’m willing to pay in this world.” A beat passes. “That’s my only way to atone for the fact that his blood runs through my veins.” He taps his index finger on his forearm. “I used to cut myself as a teen, wondering if my blood looked any different than anyone else’s because it’s polluted by his poison.” A humorless chuckle slips past his lips and it only intensifies my pain for him. “It doesn’t, not that it changes anything.”
“You’re your mom’s son. It’s her body that grew and nourished you, her love that raised you and made you strong enough to withstand hell. And it’s due to her intelligence that you managed to survive in the wild.” She must have been very smart and clever despite the hand life had dealt her. “And whatever Robert did, it’s not your fault, and you’re nothing like him.”
“Yet I was the source of her greatest pain, because I think she would have killed herself if it wasn’t for me. And I’ll be honest. I would have preferred to never be born over having my mom suffer with that piece of shit.”
So much self-loathing coats his tone. Everything in me wishes to come closer to him and soothe it, but I don’t dare.
Not now at least.
“You want to find him, and you think he’ll come after me? Is this why you agreed to keep our affair a secret?” Looking back now, his understanding of me wanting to keep our relationship under wraps makes no sense unless he needed it himself.
“Robert was delusional enough to believe they loved each other, and the only obstacle that stood in his way was me. So I knew he’d want payback, and once he finds me…he won’t just want to kill me. He’d want me to suffer the way he did, and for that, he needs you.”
I jerk when thunder booms in the sky, startling me, and whisper, “I don’t understand. How would he know you’re his son?”
He taps on the little scar in the shape of a star on his neck that his tattoo covers. Now that I think about it, it’s the one thing most visible on him in all his social media posts. “He gave it to me when he beat me up once. I knew he’d recognize it, so it was just a matter of time.”
“And you think he found you.”
“I don’t think. I know.”
“So he’s hunting me now?”
Levi showed an interest in me, and maybe Robert took it the wrong way, so he probably had no other choice but to continue pursuing me to catch his mother’s rapist?
I step outside myself, extending my splayed palm and watching the raindrops fall on it, wondering why this knowledgedoesn’t soothe the fire spreading in my veins. It just intensifies the betrayal.
Levi hasn’t done anything wrong. Granted, he wasn’t honest with me, but I was a willing participant in all our sexual encounters. So what if he didn’t plan forever with me and just wanted to use me?
Didn’t I plan to use him myself, and was just stupid enough to fall for him?
I’m not sure if it’s love. I’ve never experienced it, but feelings are involved, and I have only myself to blame.
No one promised me forever.
“That’s why you put a tracking device in me and have all these cameras around. You’re not stalking me, you’re making sure you won’t miss him once he tries to take me under false pretenses.”
The glass in his hand crushes, and I gasp when he drops the pieces on the floor. They barely miss his bare feet as blood drips from his open wound, creating a red pool around him while anger laces his every word when he replies, “Moy cvetochek, get it through your pretty head that my obsession is what triggered his desire to get you. Not the other way around.” Warmth washes over me at this, and once again, I wonder if I’ll ever be normal. “The only reason I’m watching you so closely is because I want to protect you and cannot breathe without knowing what you’re doing and where. I’m afraid being mine includes me stalking your every move and making sure no one hurts what’s mine. Like that fucking guy who dared to insult you.”
My eyes widen. “What did you do to him?”
“Taught him a lesson and broke a few bones. He’s doing time in jail. Don’t worry about him.” It sounds like a command, and I barely hold back the hysterical laughter.
Oh my God!
