Marital History
oAge at Marriage:20
oSpouse:Cecilia Carpenter
oChildren:None
oStatus:Disappearance of Carpenter after two years of marriage.
oCircumstances:Carpenter reported missing 2 NE. Despite extensive search efforts, whereabouts remain unknown. Declared dead in absentia 3 NE.
oAge at Marriage:24
oSpouse:Marina Serrano
oChildren:Daughter (Stella)
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Chapter 30
Time is supposed to heal all wounds. Well, screw time, because it’s not doing me any favors. Every morning, I wake up hoping the agony will be a little less acute, and every morning, it isn’t. Every time I think about him, it feels like someone is scraping a piece of jagged glass over the wound, cutting it open and letting all the painful emotions come gushing out.
Time doesn’t heal a damn thing. That’s just a comforting lie.
I haven’t spoken to Cross in two months. After our rendezvous in the quarry, he shut down the lines of communication. On the rare nights when I succumb to weakness and reach out, he never links. His mind is bolted shut to me.
Where did he go? I wonder. Did he get in that plane and try to find Carora? Steal that boat and sail his way down to Tierra Fe?
It scares me that I don’t know where he is or if he’s safe, but at least I know he’s alive. His energy signature still lingers in my mind, haunting me.
Hurting me.
I’ve been trying to keep busy, to distract myself, waiting for time to soften the blow of losing Cross. I’m now the unofficial long-rangeinstructor on the base. It’s not my ideal job. I would prefer to run ops, but most of the mission leads won’t work with me, especially since Neema was on my team when she died, and neither Gray nor Saint has requested me for anything lately.
I know they’re planning things.Putting the pieces in motion,is what Kallister said the last time I pried. It would be nice to know what those pieces are, but my clearance levels are nearly as low as Xavier’s. Which means nonexistent.
Xavier and I occupy ourselves by shooting at the range or hiking the trails on the mountain. I’m starting to really enjoy the forest. It’s therapeutic, my boots crunching over the pine needles and overgrowth on the forest floor, the sound of the wind rustling through the trees. I don’t even mind Xavier’s excessive chattering and endless complaints about how the lack of excitement is slowly draining his life force.
I bet he secretly regrets telling Cross he’d watch out for me, but I can’t deny I enjoy his company. I’ve tried reconnecting with Tana, but she’s still keeping me at a distance.
It doesn’t help that there’s also a physical distance between us, with her currently living in the valley. Labor camp Mods who want to work on the base are required to stay in the valley for a certain period of time and must undergo mental health assessments before the Authority will sign off on using them as operatives. Gray told me that the freed slaves are oftentimes too angry or unpredictable.
I don’t know if Tana intends to work for the network. She and her father did so before. I assume she’ll do it again, but she’s barely spoken to me since she got here, let alone filled me in on her plans. I understand, but I wish we could talk the way we used to.
Today it’s raining, so I spend the morning training with Hawkins, who is delightful as always.
We sit cross-legged in one of the alcoves, the blue daggerstone casting an eerie glow over our faces. I rest my palms face up on my knees. I’ve found it’s the best way to stop myself from curling my hands into fists.
Hawkins has actually agreed to let me try to incite him, since Gray’s been too busy lately to help me train.
“You’re not focusing.”
His voice jolts me back to the present. He’s right. I let my mind drift. “Sorry.”
I try again, concentrating on channeling the gold dust dancing behind my eyes. This part comes easy to me now, the harnessing. I can gather the gold and let it flow through me without much effort, but as usual, it’s the incitement part that gives me trouble.
“Pick up the knife,” I tell Hawkins. He insisted I vocalize the command. I think he’s afraid that if I say it silently, I might change it up on him and try to incite him to do something we haven’t agreed upon.
