“I want this,” I tell him, my voice sounding lustful and throaty to my ears. “I promise you, I want it.”
“But?”
“But if we’re going to…do this…” I swallow. “It needs to be slow. Disgustingly slow.”
His lips curve again. “Okay.”
“I’m just scared that if we jump into this too fast, I’ll…” I trail off, biting my lip.
“You’ll what?” he says gruffly.
“Hurt you.”
Gray’s eyes take on a wry glint. “Funny, because I’m worried about the same thing.”
“You are?”
He bridges the distance I tried to place between us, lacing his long fingers through mine. “I’m not good at relationships. As Karra can attest.”
“I think I might be bad at them, too,” I confess. “And I think if I jump into bed with you, part of me is going to feel like I’m using you, or like it’s just a rebound, and I don’t want that.”
“Nah, you can use me. Please, use me.”
I choke out a laugh. “No.”
He rubs the center of my palm with his thumb.
“Are you grounding me right now?” I demand.
“No. I’m just holding your hand.” He keeps stroking. “And you don’t have to stress about this. Slow is perfect. I can do slow.”
Our gazes lock and my desire rushes back, seizing my core and making me take another breath. Again, I will it away. I’m not just afraid that I’d be using him. I’m afraid of lighting a match to afriendship that means so much to me, all because my heart isn’t ready to fully invest yet.
“I’ve been trying so hard,” I admit, hating the sliver of vulnerability in my voice. “To be less impulsive.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“I think being sheltered by Jim created this monster inside me. This need to prove myself and show that I don’t need protection, that I can run headlong into danger and come out victorious. But I need to start weighing my actions before I act on them. And I don’t want you to be a distraction for me, or to fill some space that…someone else left behind.”
Gray’s jaw tics slightly. He knows who I mean. Then he relaxes, his thumb stroking the curve of my wrist. “You don’t need to keep explaining. I get it. If you want to make out with our clothes on for the next year, I’m game—”
“Ayear? I mean, I’m not game withthat,” I squawk, and he starts to laugh.
“All I’m saying is, you’re not offending me or hurting me by taking your time. I want the same thing. Keen?”
My throat constricts with emotion. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear him say that. “Keen.”
I wake up the next morning and wait for the guilt to rush in.
I kissed Grayson Blake last night.
With tongue.
A lot of tongue.
That should feel like a betrayal to Cross, but…it doesn’t. Yet at the same time, it hasn’t erased my feelings for him, either. I know I’m still in love with him.
But I also know it’s time to let go.
