“Don’t do that,” he scolds. “Don’t start dissecting yourself. This isn’t your fault.”
I take a deep breath and allow the silence to surround us. My mind is running in a million different directions.
Could I have prevented this? Did I do something wrong? I’m not perfect. I can admit my flaws. My body never bounced back after my oldest son was born. I have stretch marks in places a bathing suit won’t cover. My breasts are no longer perky without the right bra. My thighs rub the fabric out of jeans, and shopping for clothes is no longer something I enjoy.
I’m not a social butterfly like him. I don’t draw attention to myself the moment I walk into a room. Unlike him, I don't keep up with politics or discuss the financial crisis in our country. Is that why he wants a divorce now?
“You’re doing it, aren’t you?” Mitch’s voice brings me out of my thoughts.
I look over at him. He’s frowning, and those blue eyes are narrowed.
“Whenever he messes up, you find some kind of way to turn it onto yourself. This isn’t your fault.”
Turning away from his gaze, I focus on the cars out in the parking lot.
“You’re beautiful, funny, devoted, kind, and intelligent. You’re not to blame for this,” he goes on to say.
I appreciate what Mitch is trying to do, but I know the truth.
“What am I going to do? I’m a 37-year-old mother of two. What happens next?”
I look back at him. He shakes his head, his hands stuffed down in his front pockets. “You are so much more than those two things.”
I snort. “Yeah, I doubt the next guy is going to hang around long enough for me to explain that.”
I know I sound crazy. Dating should be the furthest thing from my mind. Andrew is the breadwinner of the household. Sure, I work, but my income is nowhere near Andrew’s salary. Plus, I’ll have to find another place. I can’t afford our house.
Although I have all this to worry about, I can’t help but think about how lonely I’ll be. I love being in love. I enjoy being in a relationship, and I’ve been in one since I was fifteen. The thought of being alone scares the shit out of me.
He laughs. “Any man who has eyes and common sense will know how much of a catch you are. I’ll bet within a year; you’ll be fighting off men with those delicious red velvet cupcakes of yours.”
At this, I laugh. Mitch has always had a way of making me laugh in the darkest of situations.
Tonight, my life has fallen apart. I know I have a long journey ahead of me to get it back on track. I can only hope that one day I’ll be happy again.
New Beginnings
Chapter One
Ella
A year and six months later...
“Boys, I need you to pick up the pace. Your dad will be here soon, and I need to get ready for my book club.”
“You mean you have to get ready for your wine club,” AJ calls out to me from down the hallway of my little three-bedroom home.
My house is much smaller than the home I shared with my ex-husband, but it’s mine and I absolutely love it.
Mitch helped me find this little gem. Not only is it in his neighborhood, but it’s right beside his. It’s a Cape Cod-style home built in the 90s with a large front porch. But the best thing about it, it’s all mine. I used the settlement money from the divorce to buy the little fixer-upper outright.
“Don’t worry about what we do, pack your bag,” I shout before heading back into the kitchen to pull the salted caramel chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.
“Are you listening to me, Ella Marie?” my mom calls out my name through the phone I have propped up on the counter.
I sigh and roll my eyes, only because my mother is miles away from me and can’t see me. Despite being a grown woman, I still won’t let my mother see me rolling my eyes at her. I was threatened so much about it when I was a kid, I’m not convinced she won’t actually knock them out.
“No. I missed what you said.” I hadn’t really, but I don’t want to continue talking about this topic with her. My hope is that she drops the subject altogether.
