He said the last with a ferocious, shuddering certainty, and Ella felt herself shudder too, something seeming to shrink and wither, deep inside. “So you lied about that too, then,” she said, her voice hollow. “And these next few days together — they’re maybe just —goodbye.”
The word seemed to hang between them, so small but so breathtakingly fatal, and made only worse when Natt’s face in her neck tilted, and inhaled, deep. Like itwasgoodbye, like every breath, every time he did this, was one closer to the last.
“Ach,” he said, so quiet. “I am sorry, lass.”
He was sorry. Again. And it was true, he’d lied to her again, she too was betrayed and lost and alone. And what happened now, what came next, what was left in the wake of such emptiness?
There was nothing,nothing, and finally Ella relented to the darkness, and wept.
22
Ella’s sobbing was loud, shameful, and impossible to stop. Complete with leaking eyes, a running nose, and desperate, high-pitched gasps that seemed to wrench into her bones.
But in it, somehow, Natt had maneuvered her into his strong arms, and tucked her face close into his warm chest, against the steady pounding of his heart. And his gentle, clawless fingers wiped at her wet eyes, and smoothed back her hair, and silently said, it’s all right, you’ll be all right, I’m still here.
When the sniffling finally faded to silence, Nattwasstill there, still petting and stroking Ella with an intent, fierce gentleness. Speaking with every touch of those hands, whispering of his regret, his truth, his affection.
But not love, Ella knew. Because she’d spoken that painful word, earlier in this, and betrayed that dangerous truth — and Natt had seemed to entirely disregard it. Because did one lie like he had, to someone one loved? Did one deceive, and mock, and yell, and make demands, and — Ella swallowed — drawblood?
“So is there anything else I should know?” she made herself ask, her voice coming out croaky, cracked. “Anything else you’re not telling me the truth about,Speaker?”
Natt’s big body twitched against her, and his hands still stroking her had briefly hesitated. Saying yes, in fact, there was, and suddenly Ella wanted to shake him, to scream at him, to run away and never come back —
“I have not,” Natt said, his voice halting, “yet told you of the other side of my gift. As Speaker.”
Ella’s heart was pounding, her face jerking back to look at him, and finding only this damned darkness, hiding him from her eyes. “And?” she demanded. “What is it?”
His hands had begun stroking her again, smoothing at her cheeks, her hair. “It seeks truth,” he said, “from both speakers. From not only the one I speak to, but from — me. Whether I wish for this, or not.”
From him. Ella blinked, her thoughts twisting away after that, and finding — more memories. Natt looking into her eyes, into her soul, and speaking. Will you have me. You shall be safe. This truth is ours. You belong withme.Mine.
Ella sighed, slow, and gave a little bump of her head against Natt’s solid chest. “You orcs,” she said, with another bump, “areabominable.”
There was a rumble from Natt that might have been a laugh, and then the distinct feel of warm lips, kissing soft against her forehead. “Ach,” he said. “Mayhap now I shall catch you a fresh rat to eat?”
Ella’s replying shudder felt like sheer relief, somehow, especially when Natt chuckled again, and pressed another kiss against her skin. “Or should you like a pigeon?” he asked. “Or mayhap a snake? I could give you the rattle to wear, as a gift.”
Ella elbowed at him this time, but she was smiling too, and when Natt drew her up, she willingly went. But still folded into his arms, and she could feel his chest rise and fall, his hands gripping her strong and close.
“I ought not to have shouted at you, or mocked you as I did,” he said, soft. “I must learn to hold better sway over this. My anger is not” — he swallowed — “only toward you. You are a bright gift to me, lass. You have brought me great joy, these past days.”
Oh. But that didn’t mean hewasn’tangry with her, either. Angry because Ella hadn’t asked the real questions. Hadn’t wanted to know. And instead, she’d wanted to use him. To keep him, just where she wished. As apet.
And why, truly, would Ella have thought she had a right to such a thing? Because of her wealth, her standing? Because she would be a lady? Or because Natt was — an orc? Not human? Not —real?
Ella’s face felt uncomfortably hot, and she drew in breath, felt the warmth of him, the strength of him. “You’ve brought me joy too, Natt,” she whispered. “And I should have thought. I should have asked. I need to —think, more, about all this. It’s been — a lot.”
There was a squeeze of those claws against her, a brush of warm lips to her temple. “Ach, I ken,” he whispered. “I ought to seek to bring you only peace, and ease, these next days.”
Ella’s chest tightened, but she heard herself snort, a rueful smile curling at her lips. “And yet, Nattfarr of Clan Grisk, we both know you shall do no such thing. You shall only continue being devious, and shocking, and rude, and — utterlyindecorous.”
Natt’s laugh sent a shiver of warmth down her spine — and so did the sudden, purposeful slide of his hand under her fur cape, his claws plucking lightly at her nipple. “I know not of what you speak,” he murmured, as his fingers tweaked, squeezed, staked their claim — but then he pulled away, and suddenly, there was light.
It was from a candle, Ella noted, as she squinted through her fingers — and wait, he’d had a candle there, within reach, this whole time?! But her accusing glance up at his face met a wry half-smile, a brief pat of his hand against her cheek.
“I did not wish you to wonder if I was using my Speaking against you,” he said. “I wish to give you room to —think, upon these things.”
There was a curious clench in Ella’s belly, but she managed a nod, an attempt at a smile. And when Natt drew her up after him, his hand strong and warm against hers, it was easy to go, to cling close against his warmth — at least, until she felt even more of his mess, slipping down her bare thighs.
