“Ach,sæti,” Salvi breathed, into Tristan’s hair. “You ought to scream at me. Scorn me. I have held back all these truths from you. Forso long.”
But Tristan didn’t yell, didn’t scorn. Only buried his face into Salvi’s tunic, his shoulders shuddering, his hand clenching at Salvi’s back. “You are a fool,elskan,” he whispered. “A stupid,stupidfool.”
Salvi’s whole body seemed to sag into Tristan’s, his arms wrapping tighter around him, his head bending into his neck. “I know,” he replied, soft. “Ég elska þig, sæti minn.Fyrirgefðu mér.”
I love you, my sweet, it meant. Forgive me.
Tristan was nodding fervently into Salvi’s chest, his leaking eyes squeezed shut. Dragging in multiple long, deep breaths, until he finally drew backwards, wiping at his face.
“Now go hunt,elskan,” Tristan said, flashing Salvi a small, twitching smile. “Well away from any humans, ach? And I shall be waiting here when you come back. As always.”
It sounded like a promise, like something that extended far beyond just this moment, and Salvi seemed to know it too, his head giving a jerky nod, his eyes unusually bright.
“And I shall always return,” he said, as his trembling hands fumbled for Tristan’s face, tilting it up toward his. “Always,sæti. To you. Only you. For as long as you’ll have me. This, I” — his throat convulsed — “I vow to you, Tristan of Clan Ka-esh.”
Tristan nodded back, his eyes locked to Salvi’s, another streak of wetness slipping down his cheek — and then Salvi ducked his head, and kissed him. Hard, thorough, desperate, as though all the world depended upon it, and maybe, in this moment, it did.
When they pulled apart again, Tristan looked stunned, dazed, blinking — and also happier than Rosa had ever seen him, his mouth curving into a slow, truly stunning smile. “Thought you were going for a hunt,elskan,” he murmured, his hands sliding up Salvi’s chest to curl around his neck. “Bring me back a taste?”
“Ach, I’ll bring you more than a taste, my hungrysæti,” Salvi said, with a wink, and a purposeful grasp of his hand against Tristan’s arse. And after another hard kiss to Tristan’s mouth, Salvi spun around with surprising speed, shoved open the stone door, and took off. Leaving Tristan standing there, flushed and smiling, with a visible bulge in his still-bloody trousers.
It was almost as though Rosa’s happiness had risen throughout all this, blooming to match theirs — but suddenly, the sight of Tristan’s trousers, of all the foolish things, set her heart plummeting again. Tristan and Salvi had — settled matters, maybe. But she was still unsettled, unwanted, uncared for. John had still seduced her, and used her, and then thrown her away, for good.
He’d stilllied, just like Salvi had. He’d still made all those promises, those vows with no words, andbrokenthem. He hadn’tcared.
Rosa distantly felt something warm sink down beside her — Tristan — and his knee bumped against her own, companionable, kind. “How fare you, Rosa-Ka?” he asked. “I am sorry to have drawn you into all this.”
Rosa’s mouth made a strange noise, something like a laugh. “Don’t apologize, Tristan,” she said, her voice thin. “I’m so happy for you both. And you didn’t draw me into anything, I’m the one who draggedyouinto this whole mess. I should have” — she pulled at her hair — “I should have thought. Done it properly. I should have gone to Jule, and gotten supplies and scouts and things, I know she would have helped me, I should never have put this kind of thing onyou—”
Tristan’s knee bumped against hers again, harder this time. “Stop this, Rosa-Ka,” he cut in, his voice firm. “You are one of us. You are John-Ka’s mate. We are glad to help you.”
But Rosa felt perilously close to weeping, and she shook her head, wrapped her arms around her knees. “You shouldn’t, Tristan,” she choked. “You shouldn’t, because I’mnot. Iliedto John. I betrayed him, and I betrayedyou. And in return, he betrayedme. And maybe” — she gulped back air — “I might have evendeservedit, Tristan.”
Tristan didn’t answer this time, didn’t offer approval or condemnation, so Rosa kept talking, feeling her way, seeking her truth. “Because I just kept on lying to him,” she whispered. “He asked me. He gave me a chance to tell him. Hewantedme to tell him. And I didn’t. I just kept hiding.Lying.”
Tristan still didn’t speak, just listened, and Rosa scrubbed at her wet eyes. “I just wanted to pretend,” she breathed. “I wanted to believe it was real. That he really cared, and I was really his — hispet. That it wasn’t just about me spying. Or him not wanting mybloodon his hands.”
Beside Rosa Tristan made a huffing sound, his shoulder nudging against hers. “John-Ka is not one to oft speak of such things,” he said, his voice soft. “But I am sure it was not only this, for him. He would not have tended to you as he did, had you meant naught to him. He would not have allowed you into his library. He would not have granted you such freedom in our home, or answered so many of your questions. He wouldnever” — his shoulder bumped hers again — “have traded away a fortnight of his own suppers, to gain youhoneyfor a single breakfast.”
Rosa couldn’t help a tentative, darting glance toward him —surelyJohn hadn’t done that? — but the look in Tristan’s eyes clearly suggested otherwise. “John-Ka will give much for those he cares for,” he said, resolute. “He will giveall.”
Rosa’s eyes clenched shut, thinking of Salvi’s words from earlier, and she knew Tristan was thinking of it too. “John-Ka gave all for me, and for Salvi,” he continued, his voice lowering. “I know he shall do the same for his mate, and his son.”
Rosa twitched a convulsive grimace, a frantic shake of her head. “He sent me away,” she said, her voice frayed, pleading. “He said he would make me meet with Lord Kaspar. Alone. He” — she shivered, her head ducking closer into her knees — “he threw Lord Kaspar in my face. Itoldhim what Lord Kaspar did to me, Itrustedhim with that, and he —”
She couldn’t finish, couldn’t bear to, and beside her Tristan let out a sigh, slow, regretful. “John-Ka ought not to have done this,” he said. “I cannot excuse this. But” — he sighed again — “this is also, mayhap, all he has known. To defeat a monster, John-Ka throws its truth back in its face. He wins his battles not by strength, but byknowledge.”
Knowledge. Knowledge, to defeat a monster. A monster like Lord Kaspar. The Skai. Rosa.Himself.
Knowledge informs new choices, new actions. Knowledge changes us, if we’ll accept it. Knowledge changeseverything.
Rosa’s head was shaking, her eyes welling with prickling dangerous heat. She couldn’t. Shecouldn’t. John had lied, he hadn’t cared, he’d yelled at her and betrayed her and chased her away from him.
And without John, without Lord Kaspar, whatwasRosa?Whowas she? A cheap strumpet with a ruined future, a prattling pest who asked too many questions, a bald-facedliar. And now, apparently, the foolish, would-be mother of an orc’s son, lost and worthless, when the orc himself had promised no falsehoods, had promised to keep her safe, and then —
It was too much to bear, too much knowledge, thick enough to choke anddieon — and Rosa finally bowed her head, covered her eyes, and wept.
33
