Something on Simon’s face twitched, but he didn’t speak, and Maria had to keep going, had to. “And worst of all, to involve achild,” she whispered, wretched, her hands again clutching at her waist. “Who perhaps you — you didn’t truly want, with me. Or perhaps you did want, but only to make a point to your kin, to gain the future you long for. Or —”
Or wait.Wait. Because if Simon had known who she was, this entire time — a powerful duchess, wed to the awful duke who’d so aggressively warred against the orcs — what other motives might the orcs have had, in this? And Maria knew how much Simon cared about his people, about their future. So maybe… maybe…
“Or maybe you only accepted me as a public play against my husband,” she continued, wooden, every word a bitter, broken blow. “I suppose that” — she had to wipe at her leaking eyes — “would have been the logical thing to do, wouldn’t it?”
And good gods, fucking over her husband was exactly why Maria had come here too, so why did everything feel so empty, suddenly, so hopeless. Why did she feel so sick, like she’d been kicked in the gut, like the one last missing piece had snapped into place.
“And that’s why you were willing to put me at such risk in your fight against Ulfarr,” she whispered. “That’s why you worked so hard to make me truly yours. Because it didn’t m-matter.Ididn’t matter. I was just someone you —bought. Someone trying to play agamewith you.”
Something had again twitched on Simon’s face, something perhaps like disbelief, and Maria’s thoughts were scrambling again, skipping backwards and forwards and sideways. “B-but our son,” she said, her voice badly trembling. “I — I thought you wanted him. You — you wouldn’t truly sacrifice him for my falsehood, would you, Simon? Gods, I” — she gripped her hands together, scraped their cold dampness against her tunic — “I know I signed the contract, I know I said I’d hand him over to you, but could we — could we please make another amendment, for his sake? Please, Simon?Please.”
But Simon still wasn’t speaking. Was only looking at her like that, his face so blank, so distant, somewhere else. And what the hell was Maria supposed to do with this, and finally she turned toward Baldr, her mouth opening, perhaps to beg him to plead her case to his captain, or Lady Norr, or —
But Baldr was —weeping. The tears streaking freely down his scarred face, and he was shaking his head, his mouth tight, his dripping eyes fixed on… Simon.
“I can’t,” he said to Simon, his voice clipped. “Ican’t. You fucking Skaiassholes. You need to sort yourselves out, and fix your precious fuckingways, and learn how to stop hurting people you claim to care about. I’mfinished.”
With that, he turned and strode for the door, hands in fists, shoulders hunched — but then Maria’s blurry eyes saw him hesitate, his shoulders sagging. “I am happy to offer whatever help you need, Maria, whenever you are ready,” he said over his shoulder, his voice flat, slightly formal. “I assure you that if you had touched any orc but a Skai that first day you came, he should be rejoicing in his bright gift from the gods, and filling your ripe womb with seed and sweetness.”
And with those words still ringing through the air, Baldr strode off, without looking back. Leaving Maria standing there alone with Simon, who still hadn’t moved, his eyes on her so heavy, so cold, so bleak. So… broken.
And suddenly Maria couldn’t bear to look at him, couldn’t bear to stay one more instant, and she jerked sideways, toward the door — and found, somehow, that Simon was standing before it. His huge body fully blocking it, his chest heaving, his eyes wide and fixed and far too close.
“Maria,” he said finally, his voice a croak. “I — wish for our son. I have wished for naught more in all my days. I” — he cleared his throat — “I shall guard him in this life, and far beyond it. I shallalwayskeep him safe, no matter what comes for him, or for me. I swear this to you. Ach?”
And despite everything, the relief swarmed in a rush, powerful enough that Maria slightly staggered, her breath exhaling harsh. And she nodded, again and again, and even felt herself give him a wan little smile.
“Oh,” she whispered, her eyes dropping to his feet. “I — I hoped you would. Thank you.”
But Simon still wasn’t moving, why wasn’t he moving, and suddenly she could hear his breaths, in and out. “I shall keep you safe also,” he continued, his voice still not sounding like his. “I neveroncethink you no matter. I neveroncemean to risk you in this battle against Ulfarr. I never once evenfearUlfarr, until this. Until it came clearer” — his breath exhaled, harsh — “all I might lose, in my defeat. Ach?”
Oh. And that should have helped. It should have. Maria hadn’t only been part of Simon’s game. It had been more, even if only in some small way. Even in the midst of all these secrets and lies.
But the heaviness was still here, dragging on Maria’s breath, her eyes, her heart. And she couldn’t move, couldn’t find a way through the sickening, deadening mess in her thoughts. Defeated. Destroyed.
“Maria,” Simon breathed, and in a flick of movement, he was close, so close, his scent swarming, his trembly hand touching her face. Wanting her to see him. And Maria obeyed, had to obey, even now, her bleary gaze catching on his, on that strange arrested stillness in his eyes.
“Maria, I —” he began, and she could see his mouth grimacing, his throat convulsing. “I — met you, when you first came here. I —chosethis.”
He chose this. Maria blinked at him, not at all following, and Simon’s chest heaved again, in, out. “Joarr hunted you here,” he said, in a rush. “He followed you, when you ran from your husband’s house. We watch this house for many moons now, but you surprise us with this, ach? And stronger still when we see where you run. When you seek to comehere.”
Maria kept blinking at him, her brain uselessly whirling, fighting to make sense of this. The orcs had been watching the house, he’d said. Warmisham House. For many moons. They’d been —targeting her husband?
They’d love nothing more than to publicly ruin me, her husband had told her that day.Just like they did to Norr.
And he’d been…right?
“We think, first, that this duke send you,” Simon continued, still speaking quickly. “Captain and his mate decide we meet you. Offer you help. Learn more of duke’s plan before we choose next path.”
The understanding was finally, slowly creeping in, and with it, suddenly, was a deep, dragging shame. Good gods, they’dallknown who Maria was, all this time. The captain. Lady Norr. Those women. Baldr. Drafli. Joarr.Ulfarr. Every orc, perhaps, in this damned cursedmountain.
“Joarr ought to have first met you,” Simon’s voice said, flatter now. “He has long sought a mate, and he hunted you all this way from Preia. By rights of the Skai, you were his to claim, had you wished for this.”
Something jolted unpleasantly in Maria’s gut, and Simon’s eyes seemed to sharpen on her face, his hand rubbing at his mouth. “You ken your first day here,” he said, “when Nattfarr speak of this…bondto you?”
This bond. Maria did remember, vaguely, and when she nodded Simon’s throat convulsed again. “It is no… easy,” he said, “for a woman to choose any orc, ach? The first orc to meet her — to put scent upon her — already begin to build this bond. This is nofate, the Ka-esh say to me again and again. Noforce. Woman or orc can yet break this. But it makes…preference.”
He spoke the word carefully, his eyes still heavy and intent on Maria’s face. “Joarr,” he continued dully, “was to be first orc to meet you. But Joarr is also good brother to me, ach? He watch you for all these days, and he then send word to me. He tell me,Skai-kesh make this woman for you.”
