Her voice badly cracked, and she sank into sobs again, burying her face in her hands. While Gwyn’s own misery and guilt felt like an ever-tightening vine, clamping close around her chest.
“I’m so,sosorry I put you onto this, Stella,” Gwyn said, her voice hitching. “I should have come up with a better option for you. Should have told you that it was — risky, coming here. Should have been a better friend.”
Stella glanced up, her wet eyes wide, her shivers briefly stilling — and then she flapped both hands toward Gwyn at once, the tears still streaking down her face. “Goddess, Gwyn, you’ve been awonderfulfriend,” she choked. “It’s me who’s ruined everything. I knew it wasn’t safe, Iknew, and it just — it just felt like something broke, inside me. Like I didn’t even care anymore. Like it would be better for — for everyone — if I just disappeared, and —”
The words sank away into sobs again, her whole body convulsing, her hands now clutching at her rounded waist. “W-what’s wrong with me, Gwyn?” she gasped, her eyes molten, desperate. “Why did I do this? Why am I sostupid?!”
Gwyn was fighting back the urge to sob too, and she yanked Stella close again, rubbing her hands firmly up and down her trembling back. “You arenot stupid,” she said, her voice hard, her brain shoving down the odd, horrible familiarity in those words. “And I know I’m not your midwife, but I can absolutely assure you that acute anxiety and depression are very,verycommon in pregnancies, especially difficult ones. And any added stress will only make it that much worse. Like this awful new law we’re dealing with, the way it’s changed your life, and put you in constant danger. Or — or your relationship with Silfast, surely that’s been a major stressor too, and —”
But that was without question the wrong thing to say, because Stella burst into tears again, her body stumbling backwards from Gwyn’s, her hands clutching at her face. “Oh goddess,Silfast,” she gasped. “Do you know what I did to him, Gwyn? I knew he wouldn’t let me leave, not without him, or at least a dozen warriors flanking me, so I — Idruggedhim. With the henbane. My ownmate. And he’s been so patient, so strong, so — so attentive to my every need, while I keep pushing him away, and turning into this — thiswraith. And I repay him like this? When I know how much he’s been struggling too, what with the long-lost Bautul Seer suddenly showing up to take his place, and making amockeryof him before his entire clan? After all Silfast has done for them? Everything he’s sacrificed?!”
Her voice had nearly risen to a shout, the broken words ringing through the room, shuddering into Gwyn’s belly — and then Stella visibly snapped to stillness again, her wet eyes wide and chagrined on Gwyn’s face. “Oh, Gwyn,” she gasped. “I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to insult your mate. I know you love him, and I’m sure he didn’t want any of this either, he wassucha Skai, before all this, and —”
She broke off there, her eyes shimmering, her lips pressing tightly together — and blinking back at her, Gwyn suddenly felt oddly far away, her thoughts swimming in a fog. “I — Joarr’s not my mate,” she said, her voice hollow. “It was actually all just a — a ploy. To get me pregnant, and send me back to testify against the law. Using me, and — and then throwing meaway.”
And goddess, perhaps she was finally going to start weeping here, too — but Stella’s sobs had actually stilled, her forehead creased, her head twitching back and forth. “N-no, Gwyn,” she countered. “That’s not right. I mean, m-maybe that was Joarr’s original plan, but then he — he told everyone he’d changed it. I mean, he claimed you as his mate at our hearth, and g-gained the goddess’ blessing on your union. Even if he hasn’t spoken vows to you yet, he might as well have, because after that —”
She flapped her hand at Gwyn again, as if this shocking statement were entirely self-explanatory — and Gwyn found that she couldn’t move, couldn’t think. “What?” she heard her distant voice say, so thin. “No. Joarr — he — he even made that unbreakable pledge to the Bautul about me. Thegreat service.”
But Stella’s head was shaking again, the confusion still palpable in her wet eyes. “Yes, but then — then he set you up as our midwife. And he sent word to every Bautul camp — even the far south — that you would help their women, and treat them with only acceptance and kindness. Which youhave, Gwyn. It was a great service, on his part. And on yours.”
What? No.No. Surely Joarr hadn’t done that. Surely. Right? Claiming Gwyn as his mate? As Orc Mountain’s midwife? Changing the plan, changing his pledge?
But wait, hehadspoken again and again about changing things, hadn’t he? He’d said it again and again.I seek new way. I alter my means. You break my sight. We try.
But then — Gwyn’s scrambling brain was flipping, searching, scraping — Joarr had never said anything about her being his mate. And surely she had even asked him that night in the rain, about him not wanting her for a — a real Bautul, and he’d said… what? Had he said anything? That quip about Maria, maybe?You ken I bear this in my mate?
His…mate?
“I mean, he adores you, Gwyn,” Stella said now, with a loud hiccough. “How could he not? You’re so… so poised, so clever, soconfident. And we’ve all seen how he’s always cooking special meals for you, and chasing you around the mountain, and guarding the Ka-esh corridor while you work. Not to mention moving your entire garden into his own — you realize he never let anyone stepfootin there before you? — and showing you off in public all the time, and flaunting how much you enjoy each other. And now even” — her voice broke, her eyes dropping, her hand waving frantically toward Gwyn’s neck — “evenmarkingyou, like a true mate should. You’re solucky, Gwyn. The goddess hasblessedyou.”
Gwyn stared blankly at Stella, her body fully frozen again, while her fingers skittered up to touch against her neck. Against that still-present twinge of pain, of his teeth, of the way he’d felt, looked, tasted.
And what had he said in the forest?I never know care like this. Never know hunger or peace like this. You are true goddess. Kind. Kindred. Worthy of deep fealty. Of worship.
Mine.
“But,” Gwyn said, her voice so strange, so far away, almost pleading, “he never — he never —said.”
But Stella only flapped another dismissive wave of her hand, gave a jerky shrug of her shoulder. “Sometimes they’ll wait, to speak vows,” she said. “Silfast, he — he waited forweeks, even after we’d earned the goddess’ blessing. It was set for him, you see, but he — he still wanted to make sure I was ready. That I would be happy there, with him, and —”
Her voice had been thinning, rising, her eyes welling up — and then the sobs tore from her again, wracking her taut body, dragging down her head. “And Iwashappy,” she gulped. “Iwas, Gwyn. For the longest time. Until —”
Her hands clutched again at her waist, her misery like a battering punch to Gwyn’s gut. And goddess, Gwyn had to do something, be a friend, be a Bautul, fight this, face this. She was. Shewas.
“Youwillget through this, Stella,” she said, as resolutely as she could. “You are a Bautul. You bear the goddess’ blessing. You’re so kind, and thoughtful, and hardworking, and you have the makings of a top-tier herbalist. You have friends who care for you, and want the best for you. And Silfast, he —”
Stella’s desolate eyes had snapped back to Gwyn’s, her head shaking. “Silfast willneverbe able to forgive me,” she whispered. “Not after this. Not after I’ve put his son at risk like this. He wants a son so much, it’s been the only thing bringing him happiness, and I’ve been one constant disappointment to him, he’ll be better off once I’m away from him, and —”
And behind Gwyn, there was the sudden boom of a rough, rumbling bellow. Aroar. And then shouts, and a flurry of movement. Coming closer, closer —
Oh goddess, it was the men, it wasRoy— and Gwyn leapt into motion, and yanked Stella away from the door. Just in time for something to barge through it, banging it against the wall, flooding the room with wind and cold and fear. With a huge, vicious, deadly body, covered in mud, crawling on all fours, androaring.
Gwyn bit back a shout — it was a beast, something feral and lethal, the men were sending dogs again, it was going to hunt them,destroythem — but it was too late, the beast was already here, inside the house, rising up to its staggering feet.
“You shall never escape,” it growled, the words shuddering into Gwyn’s bones. “For you aremine.”
34
