Eft’s answering moan sounded helpless this time, strangled, his head slightly shaking. “You don’t,” he croaked, “stillwantthat.”
But Kesst was still smiling, holding it all steady, holding it all in. “Of course I do,” he whispered, as he wrapped his hand tighter around his own shaft, and stroked up its full hardened length. “I want anything you’ll give me, love. I’ll doanything.”
But wait. No. That was the wrong thing, the wrong words — because Eft’s body beneath Kesst had suddenly twitched to rigid, unnatural stillness. His eyes rapidly narrowing, his jaw clenching — and without warning he’d sat back up again, his face thrusting into Kesst’s neck, his breath purposefully inhaling, while his hand spread wide against Kesst’s bare chest. His magic unfurling deep within, seeking, searching, knowing…
And finding. Finding the rapid pace of Kesst’s heart. The tension in his lungs, the effort it was taking to breathe. The seething sickness in his stomach. All the misery still there in his body, even if he’d somehow managed to hide it on his face, on his scent.
And suddenly Eft was reeling away, lurching up, his magic wrenching out behind him. Leaving Kesst sitting there bared and shamefully aroused on the bed, and staring blankly after him.
“Gods damn it, Kesst,” Eft hissed, without turning around, his shoulders rising and falling in an unsteady rhythm. “What the hell. You think I want that rubbish? Want you wheedling and simpering and playing up to me, like I’mhim? Thefuck!”
The anger was wheeling through Eft’s scent now, whirling out behind him like yet another strike, and Kesst felt his face whipping sideways, away, the misery swarming up in a blaring, overpowering flood. And there were so many words,I’m sorry, I need to try, I need to make it up to you, I need to do something, to be something, to try to salvage this, to feel this before we die today…
But none of it would seem to come out, and Eft still wasn’t looking at him, churning up the despair even darker, colder. “You do want it,” Kesst’s hollow voice finally said. “Because if you really wanted me, why wouldn’t you trust me? You know I’d have kept it secret, I’m good at secrets even under duress, I’d never have told.”
Eft didn’t reply, didn’t look, so Kesst kept saying it, his voice faded and bleak. “I could have helped you,” he whispered. “Instead of fucking it up at every possible turn. But this” — he gave a shaky wave at his bared body that Eft couldn’t see — “thisis the help you wanted, the help you need, from the pretty wench Grim promised you. So of course I want to give it to you, want to give youanything.”
His voice wavered into the silence, into the wall of Eft’s stiff back, and those shoulders rose and fell again, heavier this time. “Grimarr did not,” Eft finally said, his voice very tight, “promise meyou.”
But Kesst’s laugh escaped on its own, his head shaking. “And itnevercrossed either of your devious minds,” his thin voice said, “that with Skald out of the way, I’d be looking for a big, powerful, well-hung new orc to simper and wheedle and play up to?Really, Eft, you obviously know methatwell, at least, don’t you?”
Eft’s groan was thick and hoarse, his hands dragging against his hair — and he abruptly whirled around again, and came a swift step toward Kesst. “Stop that,” he said, his voice cracking. “I can’t bear you talking about yourself that way. You’re brave and clever and beautiful and impossibly gifted, all right? And I didn’t tell you the truth becauseIwas the coward, Kesst.Iwas. I was terrified of this. Ofthis.”
He’d flapped his hand between them, his mouth twisting, the bitterness curdling through his scent. “I never wanted you to think this was all some kind of ploy, or that I was using you to get tohim,” he said. “I never wanted you to think I had some ulterior motive for healing you, or touching you, or spending time with you. And I also didn’t want to give you any false hope, or make you feel like you needed to do anything, or owe me anything. In truth, I should have kept my distance from you altogether, kept you entirely out of it, but —”
The bitterness in his scent had condensed, sharpened, his eyes shifting and shining on Kesst’s. “But,” he said, with a sigh, as he came another step closer. “Ever since that first day we met, I’ve never wanted anyone else, never wanted anything so much. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw you, all right? Couldn’t believe how good you smelled, couldn’t stop wondering how you’d taste. You’re so damned stunning, Kesst,fallegur,stórglæsilegur, blameless, pure, perfect. Whatever the hell you need me to say, I’ll say it. I’m so sorry, Kesst, andég elska þig. Ég elska þig.”
A furious shudder chased up Kesst’s back, and he blinked hard, heard himself bark a distant, brittle laugh. “You don’t even know,” he croaked, “what that means.”
But Eft’s eyes didn’t even flicker, and he closed the last distance between them, his hand slowly rising, very carefully stroking along Kesst’s cheek. “I love you,” he whispered back. “That has to be what it means. Right?”
Kesst’s laugh sounded more like a sob this time, his head shaking. “You barely even know me,” he choked. “It’s been how long, a —”
But his voice broke there, his fear suddenly soaring, obliterating all else. Because once again, a familiar, horrible scent was charging down from the direction of the Ash-Kai rooms, coming closer and closer…
Skald, damn it,Skald. And with him, a good half-dozen other Ash-Kai and Skai, too. Coming for them.Fuck.
Kesst’s terror surged up higher, his head wildly shaking, his eyes angling toward the door. Because no matter what Skald remembered, no matter where things stood, this still meant their certain doom. Because the instant Skald smelled what they’d done, it was over, over, forever —
“We have to run,” Kesst gulped at Eft, suddenly clinging to his arm, pleading at his eyes. “We have to. It’s the only way. Please.”
But curse the stubborn bastard, Eft wasn’t moving, he was just standing there, his jaw set, his gaze glittering on Kesst’s face. “I can’t,” he breathed. “As long as that swine lives, and has you in his scents, you’re in danger. I need to do this, Kesst, need to keep you safe. I need to try.”
Kesst kept frantically shaking his head, flailing his hands, hot terror prickling at his eyes, screeching up his back. “And I need you tonot die!” he shot back. “You gods-damned menace, you can’t keep doing this to me, I can’t watch him hurt you again, I’m —”
Eft’s skittering hands were both on Kesst’s face now, his thumbs firmly wiping away the wetness pooling beneath his eyes. “You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met,” he whispered. “And now that you know everything” — he drew away a little, his throat audibly swallowing — “will you help me? Please?”
Would Kesst… help. And blinking at the fervent urgency in Eft’s eyes, Kesst realized that this was Eft… trying to fix this. Trying to be honest. Trying to show Kesst what he truly did want from him.Will you help me.
And surely it was their death, it was their devastation, their certain and unrelenting doom — but Kesst somehow, somehow nodded.
“Yes,” he whispered. “Yes, Eft. Anything.”
17
Eft’s answering nod was firm and forceful, his relief swarming through his scent. And without another word, he abruptly clasped Kesst’s hand, and pulled him toward the door.
“What are you doing,” Kesst hissed, as Eft drew him out and down the cramped corridor, straight toward the rising, rapidly approaching scents and sounds of Skald and his band of minions. “Why are you —”
