“Well, in return, I’d be happy to do whatever I can for you,” he heard himself say, as he attempted his best, most alluring smile up toward the healer’s face. “How about a quick fuck, maybe? Or a suck? I have” — he let his tongue brush against his lips — “averydeep throat, you know.”
The words seemed to ring between them, far too loud and brazen — and for a single, dangling instant, the healer snapped to sudden, perfect stillness. His body, his eyes, even his magic. All fully taut and frozen, and glimmering with shock, and disbelief, and…
And then he reeled backwards, his magic lashing almost painfully away from Kesst, his head whipping back and forth, his long braid flaring out behind him. “What?” he demanded, far harsher than before. “No.No. Of course not.”
Oh. And without that magic, without the healer’s strangely fortifying touch, it felt like something had crumpled, deep inside Kesst’s ribs. Something that flashed out the first full flare of pain, enough that his hand clutched against it, his body curling forward in the bed.
Gods, what the hell was wrong with him? Of course this healer didn’t actuallywantanything like that from him. He was just doing his damnedjob, he’d already put up with far too much of Kesst’s rubbish, and Kesst was… he was…
“Oh,” he heard his voice say, sounding so small, so pathetically fragile. “Oh. Right. I — I see. I —”
He what? Gods, what? He’d thought a brilliant, noble orc like this would want him?Him? A pitiful, used-up plaything? Especially after everything Kesst had said to him? Everything he’d done?
And the miserable shamefulness just kept swinging, echoing, rattling deeper. Gods, Kesst hated this, hated himself, hated his entire damnedexistence—
When before him, the healer suddenly coughed, and stepped closer again. “Look, I —” he began, and when Kesst risked a wet-eyed glance upwards, the healer was rubbing at his face, his claws out, his scent flaring with inexplicable urgency.
“Look, you’re very beautiful,” he continued, in a rush. “And your scent is exquisite, and of course I’m very flattered. But I — I don’t need payment, all right? And you’re stillhealing, and” — he rubbed harder at his face — “and aren’t you with that… that big Ash-Kai?”
Something far too powerful was washing over Kesst’s body —beautiful, he’d said,exquisite,flattered— and it was enough that he heard himself bark a giddy, incredulous laugh. “Withwho?” his high-pitched voice asked. “Wait, withSkald?”
The healer was giving a helpless-looking shrug, his expression almost bewildered now. “You aren’t?” he said thickly. “He came down here the other day with a whole band of hangers-on, railing on about how I needed to wake you up, so you could — well. But I sent him away, because you obviously weren’t in any condition to do such things, so —”
He’d broken off there, but Kesst’s mouth had fallen open, while sheer, barrelling horror surged through his chest. He hadn’t dreamed that, about Skald coming down here, and asking for him? That had actually happened? This outrageous healer hadsent Skald away?
“What the hell, healer,” he breathed, his voice cracking. “That was real? You sent Skald away?Skald? When he came here wantingme?”
The healer was looking even more bewildered than before, but he nodded. “Yes?” he replied. “And why shouldn’t I? He had no right to barge in here and start making demands of you, especially after —”
But Kesst was frantically flailing his hands again, and furiously shaking his head. “Stop, stop, stop,” he snapped. “You cannot send Skald away like that. You cannot even look Skald in theeyes. If Skald comes to you and tells you to dance on your head, youdoit!”
The healer blinked down at Kesst, and then folded his arms over his chest, his bottom lip jutting out. “That’s ridiculous,” he replied flatly. “You almostdied, and where the hell was he then? And until you’re fully healed again, no one is risking your health undermywatch, inmydamned sickroom!”
Kesst stared blankly up at the healer, while something new seemed to roil through his body. Some unholy blend of shock, and terror, and envy, and blatant downrightawe.
“You clearly have a death wish, healer,” he finally said, his voice very faint. “This is going to come back to wreck you, you know. It was already bad enough that I went and —”
And threw that target on your back, he’d been about to say — but now there was just so much guilt, so bitter and brittle, splintering in his gut. And that look in the healer’s eyes said he already knew that, of course he already knew that, and he’d still kept doing all this? Still?
Suddenly Kesst couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, and he painfully rubbed at his eyes, fought for something, anything, to say. “Well,” he choked, “on a purely selfish level, I’m very grateful that you healed me before you went off and got yourself slaughtered and fed to the crows, at least.”
And gods, it was the worst joke, the worst thing to say, again — but before he could fumble for yet another useless apology, he heard the healer…laugh? The sound low and indulgent, firing impossible licks of heat all the way up Kesst’s too-stiff spine.
“Me, too,” his voice replied, slicing so soft and deep into Kesst’s belly, into his soul. “And look, don’t worry about that swine, all right? I’m not fussed over some loud overgrown lout barking at me.”
It was enough to snap Kesst’s face up again, exposing his sheer disbelief, his still-wet eyes. “Unbelievable,” his thick voice said. “You’re a reckless, ruinousmenace, healer. I give it one more day, at most, before I’m weeping over your dead body.”
But the healer was still smiling —smiling!— and gods, the warmth in his scent, the way it almost tasted like…
“Weeping, huh?” he replied, even softer, arching a thick black brow toward Kesst. And suddenly heat was swarming Kesst’s face, his tooth biting awkwardly at his lip, his lashes fluttering like he was some startled, staring innocent.
And oh, the healer’s face had slightly flushed too, his gaze finally angling away, breaking the rising tension between them. And again, there was the overwhelming urge to start babbling, or perhaps pleading. To keep pushing this, even, seeing how far he could take it, because the longing was suddenly so strong he felt faint. Gods, how would it feel to touch a magnificent doomed angel like this, to suck out his seed, to make him moan and beg for more…
But instead Kesst only sat there, breathing hard, while the heat kept prickling at his face. Until the healer finally cleared his throat, and shifted on his feet.
“You should probably get some more rest,” he said, his voice gruff. “Do you mind if I put you out again for a while? Though I’ll need to touch you again, if that’s —”
But Kesst was staring at him again, pleading at him again, needing him again. “Yes, of course, whatever you like,” he heard his flustered voice say. “And you really don’t need to keep asking, I really don’t mind, I…”
