Jeff always blasted his music as he drove, but Min suspected he was playing it louder than usual on purpose. She had arrived back at the apartment before their agreed upon time, but Jeff had uncharacteristically already been ready to leave. By the time she climbed into his car, she could tell he was itching to put some miles between them and whatever was bothering him. The lack of conversation was fine by her, though. She couldn’t stop playing over her conversation with Liam that morning. She was going to have to tell him the truth about Aidan. And soon.
Jeff would drop her off at her parents’ house before continuing on to his aunt’s. The closer they got to home, the farther they got from Liam, the more she felt like she was suffocating under the weight of all the questions that waited for her. She couldn’t exactly admit to her family that she was dating her (much older) professor. And she knew they’d want to know what her plans were for after graduation – grad school deadlines were fast approaching and yet she was no closer to a decision. All she knew for certain was that she wanted to be with Liam. And she didn’t want to have to hide it.
As they hit that stretch of 95 North in Connecticut that seemed to go on forever, something shifted in Jeff. The tension in his hands eased and he slumped a little further in his seat. Min turned down the music, just enough that they could talk, but she waited for him to start.
Jeff never took his eyes off the road as he spoke a few minutes later. “I broke up with Henry.”
“Why?” She couldn’t even pretend to hide the shock in her voice.
“It wasn’t going to work.” She waited. “I’m not that guy.”
“What guy?”
“The relationship guy. I don’t do commitment. And Henry... He wanted things from me I can’t give him.”
Min rolled the statement around in her head for a long time before she responded, knowing he wouldn’t like what she had to say. “You care about him.”
For the first time, he glanced at her, his jaw clenched. “Yeah, I care about him. That’s exactly why I had to end it.” They drove in silence for a few more miles before he spoke again. “He wanted me to meet his parents. I’mnotthat guy.”
“You could be.”
“I’m not. And I’m not going to lead him on any more than I already have. It was fun. But it’s over. I can’t give him what he needs.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“It’s the same thing.”
Min bit her lip, debated letting it go. But she couldn’t. Jeff was her best friend, and he was never going to be happy if he kept denying the real reason none of his relationships lasted.
“You met Bobby’s parents,” she said softly.
He shot her a look. “That’s different.”
“Why?”
“Because Bobby and I are just friends.”
“Only because you haven’t told him how you feel.”
Jeff scoffed. They’d danced around the subject for years, though they’d come pretty close to discussing Jeff’s feelings for Bobby when he found out about the weekend Min had spent with him last year. She hadn’t known at the time how Jeff felt – how could she have? Her best friend liked to play the part of the open book but he didn’t let many people past the first few chapters, even her.
But when he’d returned to the apartment in the wee hours of the morning to find Bobby leaving her bedroom, the hurt in Jeff’s eyes had been undeniable. He pretended he was just surprised, acted like he was concerned that she was jeopardizing her friendship with Bobby, but she’d seen the truth all over his face. Ever since sophomore year when Bobby had told them that he was bisexual, Jeff had made jokes about hooking up with him, but she’d never taken him seriously before. That morning, she knew there was more to it than mere joking.
“It doesn’t matter anyway. Bobby has a girlfriend.”
“It does matter, Jeff.Youmatter. How many more guys are you going to hook up with before you admit that none of those relationships are going to work out because you’re in love with –”
“He doesn’t want to know, Mel!”
“How can you possibly know that if you don’t tell him?”
“Did you tell Dr. Jacobs about Aidan?” he spat back at her, wincing as soon as the words had left his mouth.
She recoiled and shook her head. “It’s not the same thing.”
“You want me to tell Bobby something he’s not prepared to hear. Tell me how that’s different?”
They drove a few exits in silence, both avoiding the things they couldn’t bring themselves to say to the men they loved. Jeff was always cagey about his feelings for Bobby, and she’d pushed him too hard.
