Noah lowered his head, gathering himself as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He blinked hard, shaking his head slightly, and looked back up to meet Liv’s watery smile. In all the years they’d known each other, Callie had never seen Noah cry. He rolled the ring over in his fingers, as though he was loathe to let it go even as his words gave it away.
“You were the light of his life, for the few years you had together. And I know he’s here now and he’d want you to have this.”
Liv sprang to her feet, throwing her arms around Noah’s neck and half crying, half laughing against his chest. He held her against him with one hand, placing the ring into the palm of his sister’s hand and closing her fingers around it. He held her closed hand against his chest, and with his other hand, he reached back towards Callie, capturing her hand in his and squeezing. Like he needed to know she was there, like he was inviting her into this sacred moment. Callie squeezed back and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.
“I’ll keep it safe for you until you get married,” Liv said as she pulled away with a glance at Callie before leaning back into Daemon who now stood behind her.
Noah squeezed Callie’s hand again and she fought back her own tears. Maybe Noah would get married someday, but it wouldn’t be to her. He’d been very clear that all he had to offer her was another few days together at best. Hoping for more was asking for heartbreak. But the way he gripped her hand begged her to hope.
He dropped back into the seat beside her and looked at her with so much emotion in his eyes that she was afraid to hear what he might say, what words he might speak as her fake boyfriend that she’d want to believe for real. So she pressed her hand to his face and kissed him before he could speak. The kiss was tame compared to the ones they’d shared behind closed doors, but it was full of all the things she would never say to him, all the things she’d always want him to say to her. When they pulled away, he cupped her face, using his thumb to wipe away an errant tear still lingering on her cheek.
It was almost too much, this tender, raw side of him so overfull with emotion and love that she would never share. She looked away, laying her palm high up on his thigh, gripping his leg through his dress pants. He tried to catch her eye again, but she kept her focus on her hand, digging her nails into his leg.
It’s just pretend, she told herself.Only the sex is real.
She needed to remember that this onslaught of emotion was temporary, an extension of their charade. The way he thickened behind the placket of his pants, the cool metal shifting within her as she moved—those were the only thing she could count on. Those were the only things they’d promised each other.
Chapter 20
Callie was quiet through most of dinner. She didn’t even hum when the server placed a thick slice of cheesecake in front of her. She hadn’t hummed since the rehearsal had started, and her silence was setting off all kinds of alarm bells in Noah’s head. Callie was never silent. She laughed and sighed and hummed—a cacophony of sound that Noah had grown accustomed to over the last week. More than that, he missed the music, the soundtrack she supplied for the time they spent together.
She hardly said a word through dessert and her smile seemed forced as they said goodnight to their families.I asked too much of her with the plug.It was hours since they’d left the hotel room, a long time for someone who wasn’t used to this kind of play. What if he'd caused her physical pain? The idea made him sick to his stomach.
The elevator doors closed behind them, sealing them off from the others, and Callie pulled her hand from his, leaning against the wall of the elevator and blowing out an exhausted breath.
“I pushed you too hard,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets and avoiding her eyes as a familiar tendril of guilt twisted in his stomach.
“What?”
He shook his head. “You’re uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have asked you to wear—”
“I’m not uncomfortable.”
“You’re not?” He met her eyes, hunting for the lie.
“No.” She flashed a sad sort of grin.
“Then what’s wrong?” Noah leaned his shoulder against the wall so he could face her, but he kept his hands in his pockets, afraid that if he touched her, he wouldn’t be able to stop. And something was definitely wrong. His Callie was never quiet for so long.Not yours, not really.
She dropped her head back against the wall, closing her eyes as though she were tired of the conversation. “It’s stupid.”
“It’s not.”
“You don’t even know what it is.”
“I know it’s not stupid.”
She turned her face towards him, searching his eyes. Her lips parted as if she were about to speak, but the elevator chimed and the doors opened on their floor.
They walked to their room in silence, a silence that now felt thick and suffocating, isolating. He took off his shoes, a watchful eye trained on Callie as she slipped off her own shoes and unwound the bun at the top of her head. Noah came up behind her and took her hair in his hands, working his fingers through the strands to release the braid. As he worked, her shoulders softened, tension melting away beneath his hands.
“Do you ever get lonely?” she asked.
His hands paused for a moment, his heart clenching in his chest at her soft question. “All the time.”
“I think I’ve been afraid to admit it to myself, but I want what Liv and Daemon have. What Liam and Min have.” She blew out a slow breath, her voice growing softer. “And I don’t think I’ll ever have it.”
He closed his eyes, his hands wrapping around Callie’s waist and pulling her back against him, her body tight to his. He pressed his lips to her shoulder and breathed in the scent of her, that tendril of guilt from the elevator growing into a thick vine, wrapping around his lungs and squeezing. “Callie—”
