“Like youfucking care,” I snap, and he’s quiet. “You hurt him.”
“What?” he asks, sounding shocked.
“Where are you? Why the fuck weren’t you at his race today? I got you a ticket,” I say. He’s quiet for a minute, and I sigh. “Did you two fight?”
“No, nothing like that,” he promises.
“Then there’s no excuse. I don’t give a shit if we have issues between us—you don’t hurt him like that. He wanted you here and you weren’t. He was looking for you. He’s dating both of us, Conan. You don’t get to pick and choose when it’s good for you or just because it’s easy. You’re part of his life, you made that choice, and that means you’re here for his big days, and today was one of them.”
“I wasn’t sure if I was welcome,” he responds. “Racing is your and his thing, your domain?—”
“This is Mackie’s domain,” I grumble, understanding a little. “His life, his job. He wanted you here.” I hear his sharp inhale. “Don’t hurt him, Conan. He doesn’t deserve it. We are going to be unsure, but just ask. I’m not a total asshole. I’ll answer and be honest. We both want him happy, right?”
“Right,” he responds slowly. “I fucked up, didn’t I?”
“Yes.” I smile. “Lucky for you, Mackie is a forgiving person. Trust me, I’ve fucked up enough to know that, but you need to fix it. Tell him the truth. He values that, and he’ll understand. I’ll tell the staff to let you in when you come.” I hang up.
Who knew I’d be playing counselor between my boyfriend and his boyfriend?
FORTY-FIVE
Switching off the TV with the race coverage, I rush to the door, not even grabbing a coat, just my shoes and keys. I need to get there as fast as I can. My heart slams as I hurry down the corridor, stabbing the elevator button as I bounce on my feet.
I fucked up. I thought it would be weird if I went, and I didn’t want to hurt Noah and distract Mackie, but I should have asked.
I stab the button again, but it takes too long, so I shove through the doors to the emergency stairs and run down the ten flights as swiftly as I can. Urgency drives me to be there, to explain and apologize. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Mackie. I just didn’t know where I stood, since racing is Noah and Mackie’s thing.
I should have known better, and Noah was right. If I just asked, it wouldn’t have been an issue. I was in my head, overthinking everything. Between that and running into Penelope and Matt, I’ve been lost in my own thoughts, second-guessing everything, and without meaning to, I hurt Mackie, something I said I would never do.
Jumping in my car, I drive like I’m racing, and once I’m at the garage, I abandon it near the front of the lot and hurry inside. I search for Mackie’s familiar face, but I can’t see him. I do see Noah, however, so I push through the crowd.
Iinterrupt the conversation he’s having with some important-looking people in suits. “Sorry. Noah, where is he?”
He runs his eyes over me before nodding his head. “Excuse me.” He smiles nicely at the men and turns, and I follow him, dogging his steps.
“Hey, boss man!” Evan calls. I nod and hurry past Evan, and he frowns, but I don’t worry about him right now as Noah escorts me to the back, away from the crowd, and points at the locker room door.
“He’s been in there a while.” He grabs my arm as I go to step by him. “Make it right or I will break your stupidly handsome face.”
“I’d let you,” I reply as I shake off his arm. “Thanks, Noah.”
“Don’t mention it,” he grumbles, and I watch him walk away before turning to the door. Taking a deep breath, I push inside and shut it behind me.
It’s quiet as I move down the lockers, only to stop. He’s sitting in front of a mirror, wearing jeans, his chest bare as he runs a towel over his hair. I take the time to drink him in and try to calm the pounding in my chest.
“Mackie,” I call, and he freezes, but he doesn’t turn. Swallowing hard, I tread closer until he can see me, but he keeps staring at the floor. “Baby boy?” I coo, and slowly, he raises his eyes. He searches my face, but he doesn’t reach for me or smile at me.
He watches me almost carefully, as if he’s unsure of his welcome, and I hate it.
Where the fuck is my sunshine?
The fact that I did this makes pain echo inside me, and I drop to my knees before him, hating myself in this moment.
“I’m so sorry.” I cover his hands on his thigh, clenching the towel there, and when he doesn’t pull away, I shuffle closer, staring up at him. “I am so sorry, Mackie. I should have been here. I was watching at home, but it’s not the same thing. You were amazing. I’m so proud of you, and I hate the fact that you are unhappy right now because of me when you should be celebrating. I’d like to explain why I wasn’t here, not to negate how you are feeling, but just so you know.”
“Okay,” he murmurs, his tone tight.
“I wanted to be here, I considered it all night and this morning, but then I worried it would hurt Noah. Racing is your thing with him. I thought I was stepping on toes and would detract from your big day. I talked myself in circles and told myself you wouldn’t notice, that I would watch at home and celebrate privately. That was my problem, my issue, and I should have simply asked. I overthought it, but I never wanted to hurt you, Mackie. I’m so proud of you, and I regret not being here, but I promise I will be for every single race from now on if you want me to be.” I hold his hands, waiting as he processes my words.
