“He must be proud too,” he replies.
“He was.” My smile fades, and for a moment, I can’t breathe. My chest is so tight, I struggle to draw in air. “He died a few years ago.”
“I’m so sorry, Conan.” He places his hand on mine this time, and the warmth and comfort he offers causes the air to whoosh into my chest. I practically slump in relief at being able to breathe again. “I didn’t mean to bring up something painful.”
“It’s okay. It’s nice to talk about him.” I don’t ever talk about him, but as I stare into Mackie’s eyes, I realize it was a dishonor to him. He deserves to be remembered by everyone. He was so fucking perfect, the world should remember him, but I’ve been keeeping him to myself. “There aren’t many people around who remember him now. His parents moved away, and our friends moved on.”
“You loved him a lot, and you remember him. That’s enough, isn’t it? I think being remembered by the person who loved you most would be enough for me. Besides, if he loved you, he wouldn’t want you to feel sad or guilty.”
He wouldn’t. He would hate it. He would be so mad at me for how I’ve been living, but I’d gladly take his ire as long as he was here to do it.
Mackie smiles softly at me and squeezes my hand. “If you everwant to talk about him, you can talk to me. I might be a stranger, but sometimes that’s easier.”
How do I tell him he isn’t a stranger?
How do I tell him that when he was a stranger, he saved my life?
Mackie hasn’t changed. I always wondered if I had built him up in my head. Grief and hopelessness made me cling to him, making him an angel when he was just a man, but as he smiles at me, I know he truly is that person I met on the worst day of my life.
In that moment, I vow that not only will I repay him, but I will also help make his dreams a reality. I’m only here because of him, so I might as well use my life to make sure he gets the one he deserves.
“Thank you, Mackie,” I say, wishing I could tell him that my gratitude is for more than just now. He frowns as if he senses I mean something more. “Thank you.”
I feel tears well in my eyes. He’ll never know how much he saved me. He doesn’t remember me, and that’s okay, as long as he’s happy.
A loud noise makes us break apart, and we turn to see Noah thrusting his chair back as he gets to his feet, glaring at us.
“Mackie, with me,” he snaps, and then he turns and walks away.
I watch him go, and Mackie looks confused. “Sorry, I’ll be back,” he murmurs as he follows Noah.
It’s in this moment that I know it isn’t one-sided.
Why aren’t they together?
“Ignore them,” Skylar mutters. “Noah is too much of an idiot to admit he’s in love with Mackie, and Mackie will get tired of chasing him.”
“I see.” I eye where they went.
Life might have taken my love away from me, but maybe I could get Mackie his.
Knowing he’s happy and in love with someone would be enough to repay him, right?
SIX
I’m really tired of Noah’s mood swings. When I was talking with Conan, it was nice, not to mention he was sharing something obviously very painful with me. He didn’t deserve Noah’s anger.
Scrubbing at my hair, I step through the open door and into the smoking area he’s waiting in. It’s empty, the cool air making me wrap my coat tighter around me.
“What’s up, boss?” I ask, genuinely confused. I haven’t done anything to piss him off today. At least, I don’t think I have. I haven’t flirted or pushed him, as much as I wanted to. Even now, when he turns to me, I want to kneel and tell him how fucking amazing he looks in those clothes and kiss his snarling mouth until he smiles again, but I don’t.
He wouldn’t like it. He’d get angry and push me away again.
“Seriously? What’s up?” he shouts, and my eyes widen as I gape at him, realizing he’s actually mad. His anger washes over me, cutting me down to pieces until I feel like a naughty kid.
It’s cruel, and it makes me feel like shit, but only Noah seems to have that power over me.
“What did I do?” I ask as I step closer, but he steps back. I stare into his furiousface as he crosses his arms and glares at me. “I’m sorry, Noah, for whatever?—”
