He stares at me before wrapping his arm around my shoulders and dragging me closer. “I won’t go easy on you,” he teases as he leans into me, “but I’ll support whatever you decide. I want you to be happy too, Mackie.”
Speaking it out loud has made it real.
Can I do it?
Can I leave Starfire and Noah for good?
Can I walk away from the things that have defined my entire life up until now?
TWENTY-THREE
My door crashes open way too early, and I lift my pounding head to see Skylar. Unlike his usual smile, he wears an ice-cold expression as he slams the door shut behind him, rattling the frame.
“You need to fix it right now. Seriously, we can’t do this. You need to figure out a way to make him change his mind. Stop being such an idiot before it’s too late,” he babbles, and I pinch my nose, breathing through the pain before I focus on him again.
“Skylar, Skylar,” I bark sharply until he stops talking and looks at me. “Slow down. I can’t understand what the fuck you are talking about.”
His eyes narrow into a vicious glare, and I get one of my first looks at the street kid everyone spoke about. Skylar Warren survived on these streets for years, and sometimes that’s easy to forget since he’s always so playful, but staring into his face, I realize why he was so feared. “Mackie is talking about leaving us and going to Blizzard, something about a fresh fucking start and moving on. I’m assuming you know what that means.”
The words hit me like a bullet, and I slump into my seat. I knewpushing Mackie away would cause distance, but I always thought I would have him here. I never thought he would leave me.
Panic tightens my chest, making it hard to breathe and adding to my aching head. “You know this for sure?”
“I spoke to him last night. He hasn’t decided yet,” he snaps, pacing as he glares at me. “But yeah, he’s considering it.” When I remain silent, he slams his hands onto my desk, making everything jump, including me. “Stop being such a fucking idiot, Noah. Not only will you lose the best thing in your life, someone who loves you deeply, but your best racer as well. Is this self-righteous bullshit or whatever you’re spewing to keep him away worth it? He loves you, and you love him! Don’t fucking deny it, I’m not stupid.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I mumble as my eyes drop to my desk. My chest feels too tight, so I rub it. Am I having a heart attack?
“Why not, for God’s sake?” Sky demands, and when I don’t answer, he slams his hands on my desk again. “Noah!” he yells.
“Because I’m dying!” I roar as I surge to my feet and stare into his eyes, shocked I admitted it. No one knows, only my doctor. He recoils, and I sink back into my seat, rubbing my chest again as I blow out a breath.
“What?” Sky whispers.
“Enough. Get out,” I order.
“No, what the hell do you mean?” Sky retorts.
Looking up, I meet his gaze. “I’m dying,” I repeat. “I’m going to die, Skylar, and I won’t do that to him. I won’t make him love me and then break his heart like his parents did. I don’t want to lose him, but if he needs to go, then I’ll let him. I’ll do anything for him.”
He stares at me before he sinks into the chair opposite my desk. “You’re sure? There are doctors?—”
“I’m sure. I’ve known since my last race, which is why I had to quit. You’re right. I love Mackie. I love him too much to do that to him. He lost his parents, Skylar, and it broke his heart. Could you imagine me loving him and Mackie having to watch me die? No, I won’t do that to him. Let him hate me. I won’t be the reason his heart breaks again.”
“But it already is,” Sky replies softly, “and so is yours. If what you’re saying is true, if you’re dying . . .” He stumbles over the words. “Don’t you want to be happy before that?”
“I’ve made my decision. I’m not asking you to understand, but you must respect it.” Standing, I walk around the desk and open the door before I hesitate. “Don’t tell anyone, especially Mackie, or I will never forgive you. It isn’t your secret to tell.” I know he won’t, because Skylar isn’t like that, but as he stares at me, for once he looks so young.
“How long?” he asks.
“Enough.” I swipe my hand through the air. “Go back to work and don’t speak about this again. I’ll deal with Mackie.”
“By giving him permission to leave?” Sky asks as he joins me. “Is that really what you want? To spend the rest of your life, however long that is, away from the person you love?”
“No,” I admit, “but I will for him. Don’t ask me to change my mind when it took everything I had to do this.” Pushing him through the door, I shut it in his face and lean back against it.
I kept my secret since I’d learned about it, but now someone knows.
It’s only a matter of time before everyone else finds out.
