Ican’t sleep again, which isn’t a surprise. I keep thinking about what I could do differently, torn between trying to keep Mackie with me and letting him go. The thought of him leaving, though, makes pain fill my chest.
Can I truly let him go? I know it’s for the best. He has Conan now, and leaving Starfire would allow him to forget the last remnants of whatever we had. I’m such a fucking liar though. I can’t let him go like that. I thought I was okay as long as he was close, even as my racer, but the idea of him not being here anymore?
It scares me more than what’s slowly killing me.
I wanted to protect him so he would never hurt, but the bitter truth is, lying to him and pushing him away has hurt him more than that ever could.
I hate that I’m the cause of his pain, and I hate even more that it cost me the one thing in the world that brings me comfort—him.
Everything is so messed up, and as I stare down at the Polaroids we took after our first win, the ache in my chest only grows. My arms are around him, and his are around me, and we are smiling. There are no lies, secrets, fake promises, or broken rules, just happiness. When did things get so messed up?
Closing my eyes, I bend over, paralyzed by agony as I try to breathe, but I can’t get enough air. My lungs scream, and I am so dizzy, I start to see spots. Panic floods me as my body begins to weaken. All I feel is the lack of oxygen, my brain shutting down, yet he’s still all I think about until I hear the phone ring.
My hand scrambles wildly until I get my phone and hit a button. “Noah.” He’s slurring and sounds wrong, but it’s his voice, and at the first note, air floods my lungs and I can breathe again.
“Mackie?” I ask as my hand covers my chest while I struggle to control my breathing. The dots in my vision disappear, even though my head still aches.
“Noah.”
I hear music in the background before he curses, and I frown.
“Are you drunk?” I snap as I sit upright. He wouldn’t call me if he wasn’t, but I’m thankful he did, even if it’s because of alcohol. I worry more, however, because he shouldn’t drink this much.
“No,” he retorts angrily. “I just had a few drinks.”
“How many?” I ask roughly, already on my feet.
“Five . . . or ten.” He laughs, and it’s high-pitched. There’s a fumble, and Sky’s voice fills my phone, relaxing me a little since Mackie isn’t alone.
“It’s fine, old man. I can take him home, don’t worry. I told him not to call you. Sorry?—”
“Skylar, where are you?” I ask.
He’s silent for a moment, and when he speaks, he sounds unkind. “Don’t ask me that, Noah, if you have no intention of fixing his broken heart. If you are just doing it out of duty or guilt, then let me take him home. He doesn’t need you making it worse.”
“Where?” I ask as I grab my keys and shove my shoes on.
“I mean it, Noah,” Sky protests.
I freeze at my front door. He’s right. I shouldn’t go unless it means something, but I need Mackie right now. Maybe it’s my head or what just happened, but I need him.
I can’t seem to find the will to fight this right now.
“Where?” I ask once more, sounding tired. I know what it will mean if I go there, as does Sky, but I can’t stop myself.
“Bar Five,” Skylar mutters as I climb into the car and start the engine, tossing my phone down as it connects. “I mean it, Noah. Don’t break his heart again. I’m your friend, but he’s my brother. Don’t make me hate you.”
“I’ll be there in ten. Get him to drink some water, and Skylar? You can’t hate me more than I already hate myself.” I hang up and make the twenty-minute drive in under ten.
Pulling up outside of the club, I turn off my engine and ignore the calls and whispers about who I am since I grabbed the closest car and it just so happened to be my custom Bugatti Divon—the one I try to hide since it’s too obvious, but Mackie needs me. Ignoring the bouncer who tries to stop me, I walk into the club and search the interior. The pounding music goes straight to my aching head, and the bright lights don’t help, but I narrow my eyes to stave off the pain and look for him.
I find him in a booth at the back. He’s curled into Sky, resting his head on his shoulder.
I march over and meet Skylar’s eyes, who watches me carefully. Ignoring him, I crouch at Mackie’s side, placing my hand on his shoulder. “Mackie?” I murmur as softly as I can. “Come on, let’s get you home, okay?”
“No.” He recoils from my touch, burying his head in Skylar’s shoulder, but there’s something wrong with his voice, and Sky’s eyes look tight.
“Mackie, look at me,” I beg, and he moves closer to Skylar. “Mackie, right now.”
