God, I’m a horrible person.
He doesn’t even know the truth, and for some reason, I need him to. Like he senses me, he turns, tilting his head as I cross the room and grab the counter. “I need to tell you something.”
“Uh-oh, that doesn’t sound good.” He focuses his full attention on me. “Did I make a mistake? I’m sorry if I overstepped.”
“No,” I cut in. “You didn’t at all. You were amazing. I’m so glad you were here. I haven’t seen them that happy in a long time, and it’s all thanks to you.”
His shoulders slump like he was genuinely worried, but as I stare, he blinks. “So what is it?”
“Can you sit?” I guide him over to the couch and take his hands. “I want you to understand before I tell you that this changes nothing between us, and I never meant to lie or hide things from you, but I was worried once you found out, you would look at me differently. When you didn’t recognize me, it felt like a chance.”
“Conan, what are you talking about?” he asks, his eyes tight.
“We have met before.” I blurt it out and the rest rushes out like vomit. “On the day my husband died, you were there.” His eyes widen as he stares at me. “I was on the side of the road, broken and coveredin his blood, crying my eyes out as they took his body away, and you passed by in a car, stopped, and got out, and you sat with me. You held me together when I would have shattered. You took me to the hospital and stayed with me until I had company. You didn’t even know me, and in my very worst time, when I was completely catatonic and in shock, you helped me. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. I wanted to die in that car with him. I wanted to climb in and never come out, but you saved me. We were strangers, but I never forgot you. I always wanted to thank you. When we met again, it felt like fate. You didn’t seem to remember me, but that was fine. I told myself I’d be in your life and help you the way you helped me that night. When you asked for my help, it felt like my chance to do that, but then we started getting close, and before I knew it, it felt like it was too late to tell you. I thought you’d hate me, and that terrified me.” My lips slam shut, and he gapes. “Say something, please.”
“I remember,” he murmurs softly. “I never forgot that day. I often wondered how you were. You looked so different back then. Your image was fuzzy in my head.” He looks at me for a moment. “I can’t believe it was you.”
I was braced for his anger, but he looks . . . no different.
“You aren’t mad?” I hedge.
“I wish you would have told me, but I understand why you didn’t.” He nods. “I guess some people are always destined to meet.”
For my heart’s sake, I’m glad we did too.
“You saved me back then, and you keep saving me now,” I admit. “I will always love him, I can’t apologize for that, but I love you too. I will give you my entire future and the rest of my scarred heart. Whatever you want.”
“It’s enough,” he murmurs as if reading my thoughts. “You are enough, Conan. I meant what I said. I will never try to replace him. I’ll help you keep him alive. We’ll talk about him all the time. He was such a big part of your life and always will be. You don’t have to shoulder this alone.”
I don’t know why, but I break down. A sob escapes my chest, andbefore I know it, I’m curled into him as I cry my heart out, and he’s there, rubbing my back, telling me it’s okay.
He holds me until I fall asleep, his words following me into my dreams, offering protection for the horrors that usually grip me in the dark.
I always thought I’d be Mackie’s protector, but the truth is, he is mine.
I couldn’t love him more.
FORTY
The garage is weirdly quiet when I get to work. As I put my stuff in my locker, I feel eyes on me, but when I turn around, everyone is looking somewhere else. Narrowing my eyes, I head to the table where Skylar is clutching a mug with a paper bag in front of him.
“What’s up? You’re weirdly quiet. No sex jokes this morning?” I tease as I drop into my chair.
“This is for you,” he says as he pushes the bag and coffee toward me.
“Thanks?” I respond, confused as I open it to find pastries from my favorite bakery. I perk up. I didn’t have time to eat this morning since Conan and I were busy after he climbed in the shower with me. I shiver at the reminder before stuffing a croissant in my mouth.
“Now that you have a sweet treat and coffee, I need you not to be mad.”
Swallowing the mouthful of pastry, I tilt my head. “About what?” I murmur and take a sip of the coffee. “Did you break something of mine again while fucking Bones? Shit, did you do it in my car this time by mistake, thinking it was yours?”
“No, not recently at least,” he replies with a sly smile.
“Sky!” I groan.
“What can I say? Watching me race gets my boy going, and whatever he wants, he gets.” He shrugs. “But that’s not what it is?—”
“Did you get arrested again and need me to lie to Noah?” I ask as I take another bite.
