Or nothing. He would settle for nothing.
He had to focus, specifically so he wouldn’t embarrass himself even further by ending up with an erection tenting his pyjamas.
“Matthew had a very different sense of style from me,” he explained. “He was enamored of eclectic, almost avantgarde furnishings. There were lots of angles and chrome before. The couch was almost unbearably hard.”
“Ouch,” Javier said, likely meaning it literally and figuratively. “So why were the two of you together?”
Desmond blinked and nearly swallowed his sip of tea wrong. That was a bold question for someone he didn’t really know to ask.
Then again, if they were still roleplaying, Javier was his boyfriend. In fact, he’d told Matthew the two of them had been dating for months now, so he was more than entitled to information about his last relationship.
“Matthew was exciting and handsome,” he said with a shrug that only pretended to be casual. “I’d been alone for a while when we met and I was ready for a relationship. He was charming and intelligent as well, and we shared a lot of interests.”
“That’s the way relationships should start,” Javier said, sipping his tea and nodding.
“Yes, well, in the end, I think the interest that he had was predominantly in my money,” Desmond went on, being surprisingly honest, even with himself. “I knew it and I should have put a stop to his spending, but I’ve always been weak in the face of a sad story, and Matthew’s was quite sad.”
“In what way?” Javier asked, his expression serious and interested, like he was actually listening and taking everything in.
Desmond barely knew what that felt like. It made him want to give Javier everything.
“He never had money growing up, unlike me.” Desmond snorted. “I am ashamed to admit it, but I did not achieve my success by grit and determination alone. I was born with asilver spoon in my mouth, as the saying goes. Those people you encountered at the Royal Albert Hall tonight? Unfortunately, they are my people.”
“Where we come from is no indication of where we’re going,” Javier said sagely.
He was so generous that Desmond melted. “Yes, well, Matthew had come from a struggling, broken home. He did work hard to get his business degree and his job at Pickering Jones, but he believed that he was going toward a comfortable life spending my money while simultaneously engaging in extracurricular activities.”
AKA the Angus incident. Just because Desmond had been pulled into that episode didn’t mean it wasn’t extracurricular.
He’d been as vague as he could be, but Javier had him pegged instantly. “He cheated on you,” he said, expression going dark.
“Several times,” Desmond said, staring into his tea. “While berating me for working too many hours and ignoring him, like the cheating was my fault.”
“What an absolute wanker,” Javier said, then, despite his nearly perfect British accent, added what sounded like a string of obscenities in Spanish.
Desmond gulped his tea. He wouldn’t mind Javier uttering a string of just about anything in Spanish as he railed?—
No, he had to keep his mind out of the gutter. At least as long as his stomach was still iffy.
“I’m rid of him now,” Desmond said with a tight smile. “Well, mostly. Almost.”
“He does seem to think he can win you back,” Javier said. He leaned closer to Des and whispered, “I heard a rumor that he hired some ridiculous singing telegram guy to come to your office dressed in nothing but glitter and a nappy.”
Desmond had to shift the way he was sitting and was desperately tempted to drag a pillow across his lap. He didmanage to laugh, though, and a second later, a series of cock-withering thoughts fired through his head.
“I’m still paying him an allowance,” he admitted, unable to hold Javier’s gaze.
“You’rewhat?” Javier reacted with comical exuberance.
“I know, I know,” Desmond sighed, shoulders dropping. “It’s a horrible idea and the very last thing I should be doing, but?—”
But he had to keep paying Matthew. Matthew knew things. Things that would bring the whole world down if they got out. There were some secrets Desmond had that absolutely could not see the light of day. Ever.
“But nothing,” Javier said, shaking his head. “You’re a good man, Desmond White, but goodness does not extend to paying an ex an allowance. Especially when they cheated on you and made you sit on uncomfortable furniture.”
Desmond burst into a self-effacing laugh. He could have hugged Javier for bringing humor into what was a miserable situation. And for a lot of other reasons.
“I know,” he sighed. “The whole thing is a massive cock-up. If I could go back in time and do things differently, I would.” In far more ways than one.
