Javier waved to Katie as she rejoined her classmates, then turned to Desmond. He was still waving. The longing in his eyes spoke volumes.
“Do you want kids someday?” he asked, surprised at how breathless the question sounded.
Slowly, Desmond turned his smile away from Katie and met his eyes. He seemed to suddenly hear the question and flinched, his smile dropping. “Er, certainly not,” he said with absolutely no conviction whatsoever.
Javier smirked and nudged him, turning to head back toward his filming location. “If that’s not a rote answer, I don’t know what is.”
Desmond sighed and dropped his shoulders, which had gone tense again. “Matthew hated children,” he said. “So, of course, I dismissed the idea entirely. I haven’t thought about it in years.”
“But you’re thinking about it now,” Javier observed.
Desmond sent him a cautious, sideways smile that landed like a confetti cannon in Javier’s gut. “I don’t have time or spacein my life for children,” he said, a little bit sadly. “I work long hours and need to focus.”
“But if you weren’t one of London’s most important and ruthless financial wizards?” Javier asked as they crossed the street.
Desmond let out a puffed laugh. “I’m hardly any of those things,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“That’s not the impression I got when I was standing in front of your big, important desk dressed in wings and glitter,” Javier said.
Desmond laughed again, more genuine this time, real light in his eyes. “Yes,” he said. “Because all financial wizards entertain glittery Cupids in their office in the middle of the day.”
“It’s a rite of passage,” Javier shrugged, then nudged Desmond.
They reached Javier’s building, but to Javier’s surprise, the very last thing he wanted to do was say goodbye to his boyfriend and go back to work. It all seemed so pointless anyhow. For months, he’d convinced himself that the weekends were for fantasy and indulgence and the week was when his real life happened. Now he wondered if he hadn’t gotten things completely backwards.
“I’m still coming over tonight, right?” he asked, standing closer to Desmond than he should have.
“Yes, of course,” Desmond said, as if shocked Javier would consider anything else.
“Good,” Javier nodded. “Then I’m going to break the rules for just a second to?—”
He finished by taking one of Desmond’s hands and leaning into him, slanting his mouth softly over Des’s.
Desmond sucked in a breath, then relaxed and kissed Javier in return. It was bold and maybe reckless, but nothing had felt so right all day.
They broke apart when a rotten teenage boy who was part of yet another school group whistled at them.
Javier took a step back and shook his head at the boy, smiling. “I’ll see you later, sweetie,” he said, squeezing Desmond’s hand, then letting it go. “I’ve got more where that came from.” He pointed vaguely at his mouth then turned his fingers toward Desmond, then walked on through the door and back to work.
“See you tonight,” Desmond called after him before turning to go.
Javier’s chest tightened. It felt like he was leaving a part of himself behind, which it shouldn’t have at all. His entire arrangement with Desmond was supposed to be for fun, so the two of them could escape from the troubles of their lives with each other for a while. He wasn’t supposed to want more, but boy, did he ever.
twelve
. . .
Things were going well. For the first time in years, Desmond felt safe admitting that to himself. Matthew and the indiscretions of his past seemed to be fading into history. Everything at work was good. He’d even been informed by Harry Pickering upon returning to the office after his lunch with Javier that he would definitely receive the ethics award at the Peabody Honors next month. And Javier had been as amorous as ever once he’d made it to Des’s house late Friday evening.
By all reasonable measures, his life was amazing. He had a prestigious job, more than enough money, a lovely house filled with interesting plants, and a gorgeous, kind boyfriend. On the weekends, at least.
But as he stirred awake on Saturday morning, Javier naked in bed beside him snoring gently, Desmond was overcome with a feeling that something wasn’t right.
He blew out a breath, rubbed a hand over his face, and tried to push it away by rolling to his side and snuggling against Javier’s warm body. He didn’t want to wake his lover. He’d sensed during their lunch the day before and when Javier had arrived at his place in the evening that Javier had the weightof the world on his shoulders, and he didn’t want to interrupt the man’s sleep or disturb him even more than he was already disturbed.
That was part of their weekends only deal. The entire point of their bubble of bliss was to leave the stresses and problems of their weekday life behind so they could fully immerse themselves in the comfort of each other and the fantasy they’d created.
Except a large part of Desmond wanted to actually be there to help his part-time boyfriend through anything that was hurting him in the rest of his life. That was what relationships were about, after all. Two people who loved and helped each other through whatever they were dealing with.
