Not just nice, it was everything. What he had with Desmond was everything he wanted.
Which was why it had to be protected so staunchly.
They sat like that for a few silent moments, just watching each other and the garden around them. They received more than a few odd looks, too.
Finally, when Javier was starting to really mind the soggy feeling of his pants, Desmond blew out a breath and said, “I’m sorry I offered you money. I won’t do it again. I can see it’s a sore spot for you.”
Javier smiled weakly. “Thanks, babydoll. And I won’t pester you with my problems and ruin our weekends together again.”
“That’s not what I—” Desmond stopped himself, his brow furrowing. Javier was half-convinced he would start up their argument all over again, but he shook his head, brushed a leaf of wet grass off his trousers, sighed, then said, “Alright.”
It was such a relief to know they were at peace again.
At the same time, Javier wanted to kick something. It was already too late. Without even trying, they’d burst their bubble, and he didn’t know what came next.
fourteen
. . .
By every ordinary measure of success, Desmond’s life was golden. The week after his and Javier’s awkward outing to the botanical gardens, he and Marcus managed to exceed everyone’s expectations by winning the Hongyuan Nanjing contract.
“You and Marcus have just made an incredible amount of money for this company and for yourselves,” Albert Jones, the company’s other senior partner congratulated Desmond by thumping his back and shaking his hand halfway through Tuesday morning. “Between this and the Peabody Honors, I’m sure you can expect an offer of senior partnership by the end of the month. You’ll be our youngest senior partner ever. It’s quite an accomplishment.”
Desmond had thanked the man graciously and maintained the mantel of top-notch professionalism, but the second he’d been alone in his own office with the door closed, he’d sagged into his chair and puffed out a bewildered breath.
He supposed he should be proud of himself for scoring a major contract and winning an industry award. But all he could think about was the underpinning of mud and muck behind his career that most of the world didn’t know about.
Javier had touched on that guilt inadvertently while they were at Kew Gardens. Ethics. Fairness. Following the law and what was good and proper. All of those things were important to his maybe boyfriend. They’d been important to his mum and dad, too. He’d been raised to believe those were the only values that mattered, and he believed that now more than ever. Javier had confirmed as much when he’d talked about his disappointment with his struggling business. Refusing Desmond’s offer of financial help was just another aspect of Javier’s good character.
An aspect that Desmond couldn’t live up to.
It was just his luck that the other amazing thing in his life, the one he valued more than financial gain or industry recognition, if he was honest with himself, was Javier himself.
What had he ever done to deserve such a kind, caring, beautiful soul for a boyfriend?
And how had he screwed it up so much already that Javier thought he would be burdening him with the troubles of his business and the rest of his life instead of believing he would embrace everything about him?
Of course, he wasn’t exactly doing the best job of being upfront about his own life. Yes, he was ashamed of the things he’d done and wanted to keep them from Javier as long as possible, wanted to hold on to Javier as long as possible. But with each day that ticked on, whether they were weekdays where Desmond cosplayed being a financial bigwig or blissful weekends when all he had to be was Javier’s, it was becoming more and more obvious to Des that something had to give. As much as he loved the bubble, it was time to burst it and merge realities.
Which is how he found himself standing beside Javier at the kitchen counter the next Saturday morning, working in tandemto make breakfast like they usually did, his lips twitching as the words he knew he had to speak kept trying to get out.
“Is everything okay, sweetie?” Javier asked, a bit more out of sorts than he usually was when they were being domestic together. “I noticed you didn’t sleep particularly well last night.”
Desmond tried to answer, but all that came out at first was a weird and embarrassing noise. “I have a few things on my mind, yes,” he admitted, hoping it would spur him on to more.
Javier grinned. “Does this have something to do with you winning that big contract?” he asked, managing to be the perfect, supportive boyfriend at exactly the wrong time. Des was supposed to be confessing his sins and merging his real life with his weekends, not being congratulated for achievements he wasn’t sure he deserved.
“Perhaps,” he said, turning back to the toast he was buttering. “Maybe. Also, maybe not. I’m still not sure how I feel about the Hongyuan Nanjing deal.”
Javier took the eggs he’d just finished scrambling in a pan off the hob and sent Desmond a curious look. “Is there any way to feel about it other than extraordinarily proud and happy?”
Desmond shrugged one shoulder. “It was a team effort,” he said, then was silent for a moment as they plated their breakfast and carried it to the table.
He really needed to stop faffing about and just tell Javier about Angus and the insider trading. Javier had come clean about his failing business, so it was only fair.
It took him several sips of tea and nibbling on the corner of a piece of toast, which felt dry and tasteless in his mouth, before he summoned up the courage to say, “It’s more about the award I’ll be receiving at the Peabody Honors this Friday, the Lundy Prize.”
Javier burst into a smile that was as bright as the new morning sunshine streaming in through the sunroom. “I’m soproud of you for that one, baby,” he said, reaching across the table to squeeze Desmond’s hand.
