He has no idea what uncomfortable and small is. Compared to where I’ve been, this is heaven.
When I say nothing more, he twists his head and looks at me, eyebrows lifted. I have absorbed so much of their signed language from dinner. Not everything, but enough for this.
I point to myself, then sign, ‘Me. Stay. Yes.’
His face softens, then he closes his eyes, lays his ear against my thundering hearts, and eventually his breathing evens and he falls asleep.
I wake alone. There’s pain in my body, but not nearly as much as there has been. And there’s a scent in the room which is the reason I’ve come around.
Cum.
I peel one eye open and find two small bottles sitting on the nightstand. It takes me a moment to realize where I am and why everything smells like Dante. I’m still in his bed, and the fact that I slept through him leaving is…
I don’t know what this feeling is, but I don’t like it.
I want to be aware. Alert. I want to protect him should anything threaten to hurt him. This is what I was trained to do, but how can I do that if I don’t even notice him shifting out of my arms and leaving?
I know it’s because I’m still healing. Everything the Vyastil guards did to me…
But no. I don’t want to think about that now. My people are fair, but when the need arises, they are brutal. And when it comes to enforcing laws, there is no room for interpretation or negotiation. The fact that I was released is a miracle.
I should have been sent to the mines to live and die a shortened life for my transgressions.
But I am here. I am torn from my family, never to see them or Erethar again. But I am alive.
And, against all odds, I am comfortable.
My fingers tremble as I take both bottles off the nightstand, and my tongue laps at them eagerly. The few times I had tasted cum before coming here were also from factories. Those bottles were old and stale, mixed with synthetic liquid to make them last longer.
They were not the same as this. Dante told me he procured this from the same place, and I do not believe he would lie to me, but I don’t understand why it is so different. Why is my craving almost unbearable?
I lick the bottles clean, then drop them on the nightstand as the cum courses through me. I feel a rush of energy, surges of clarity in my head. The pain eases, and I feel…strong.
Alive.
The fatigue that has plagued me for decades is nothing more than a ghost.
I turn my head and notice a piece of paper resting on Dante’s pillow. It simply says that he’ll be home after work and that I should rest. My gaze lingers on the swoop of his neat handwriting and the curves of his name.
Drawing in a deep breath and pushing myself to stand, I look down to inspect the wounds on my chest from the whips, but there’s nothing more than twinging scars left behind. I peelaway the bandages completely, then wander into the human’s bathroom and stare at the shower.
I’m far too large to stand in there comfortably, but the thought of warm water washing away the last vestiges of my blood mingled with the healing herbs Rathyn provided is too tempting.
And I do not think Dante would mind.
It takes me a moment to work out how to get the water running, and it comes out so cold I almost give up. But eventually the temperature changes, and soothing steam begins to billow from the stream.
I drop to my knees to fit beneath the spout, the tiles unkind to my aching body, but that pain is nothing compared to what I’ve felt before. Dante has sweet-smelling soaps that lather with thick bubbles, and they collect the sweat, blood, and dirt left behind on my body.
It swirls down the drain, and as it does—as I feel clean—the grief from everything I’ve been through and everything I’ve lost starts to set in.
I do not regret helping Everest. I do not regret saving Rathyn.
But I feel the loss of my world a little too keenly in this moment, knowing that it’s not just me who will suffer, but my brothers left behind in the village…
My chest begins to ache from the inside. No amount of cum or herbs will heal that pain. Knowing I will never see our moons again, our sky, the eriek trees, the ashahl flowers in the Outerlands when they are in full bloom?
I pass my hand down my chest and startle when I realize they’ve removed the metal from my nipples and my navel. In the pain, I hadn’t realized the demotion.
