“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” I grab the goat by the leg. He bleats loudly as I pull him down. Since nothing in my life is ever easy, he fights back, showing me his ninja kicks. Eventually, I get him on the ground, and then it’s like a switch is flipped—he trots off down the hill like he has no intention of ever going back in that pen. I glare after him, shaking my head. “Why on earth does Lottie bother with these nuisances? There’s no way she likes all this trouble.”
“Why do you love Lottie if you know you’ll never tell her?” His face is dead serious.
My chest caves, and I shoot back, “Why do you breathe if you know you’re going to die?”
“So, you admit it—you do love her.” Ham chuckles.
“Well.” I can’t sayitout loud. My head starts to bob in a yes motion, but I’ll never be able to speak it. I turn back to my rental and place a hand on my hip. “I should leave before that goat comes back—or, you know, I have to look at Bodan with Lottie again …” My voice trails off as my gut tightens even further.
“See ya.” He’s almost taunting when he sidesteps, tossing the hacky sack in the air. “It’s probably no use, but I’m going to try to fix the gate again.” He slides two fingers into his mouth to whistle. Miraculously, the goats round up and follow him down the hill. I get in my rental and slowly back away, making sure not to accidentally hit one of the goats. Even though, at this point, it’s a tad tempting.
I would never do that to Lottie.
Of course I wouldn’t.
A blur of something catches my eye in the rearview mirror.
Lottie is on the porch, giant tears streaming down her face.
And Bodan is nowhere around.
As much as I’m over this fake-dating orientation, I could never turn my back on Lottie crying.
My foot stomps on the brake.
My heart crawls into my throat.
thirteen
Lottie
I’mstandingontheporch like an idiot, arms wrapped around myself. There’s no doubt my mascara is absolutely not holding the line. I swipe at the tears on my cheeks like I have the power to erase the evidence of crying. Up the drive, brake lights flash on Ty’s rental, and…I’m busted.
I slipped out here for a safe place to cry. There’s no way I can cry in front of Bodan. When Ty stops his car in the middle of the drive and steps out, my stomach flips. His gaze locks on mine instantly, searching. “Lottie, what’s wrong?”
I don’t say anything.
He jogs toward me, asking a follow-up question with a growl in his throat, “Where’s Bodan?”
“He’s fine. I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t about him.” I shake my head a little too fast, making me dizzy. I grab hold of the rail and steady the spinning. “He’s inside. My dad took him to see his collection of fountain pens that have been touched by presidents. I just needed some air, and seriously, he’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
I’m only halfway lying about the part that I’m fine.
I’m not okay with a lie so big it’s starting to choke me. How am I supposed to go onstage and act like I’m in love with someone I can’t even look in the eye because I’m that shy? I’ve never had a boyfriend, never known what it’s like to go on a real date—unless you count that bar encounter with Brett, but I’ve long since burned that from my memory. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.
I’m mad as a wet cat at my mom for willingly giving away my dates like they mean nothing and are all for her political gain. Dating someone—even if it’s fake—should mean something. I couldn’t even sit next to Bodan on the couch because it felt too intimate. I know it shouldn’t, but when you have zero experience with that stuff, everything feels heightened.
Ty stalks toward the porch, his eyes stay locked on my face. “So…” he says gently, like he already knows. “Bodan is fine, but you’re not, and you can’t lie to me. What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine.” The lie falls apart immediately. My voice cracks, and I look away, staring at the porch railing. “It’s just…it’s stupid.”
He stops a few feet in front of me, but he’s close enough that my breath catches. “You’re crying, which tells me it’s not stupid.”
I almost manage to swallow everything down, but he tilts his head, and his warm eyes soften so much it’s like they back me into a corner. Something in me snaps. “It’s that, you know, I love my mom. I want her to succeed, but this is too far,” I blurt. “Lying about a boyfriend. I mean, come on!”
He blinks but doesn’t say anything, and I rush on, “I mean, Bodan is being a great sport about this, but he has no idea what he’s getting dragged into. I’m so mad at my mom I can barely breathe, and it’s just—man—it’s so awkward. I don’t want to be close to a man I don’t even know. You know me. I don’t date much. This is a whole new thing, and it’s so—” I bubble out an embarrassed laugh as I picture myself sitting on the exact opposite side of the couch in the living room. “I refused to sit by him. Something in my body spasms just thinking about getting closer to him. How am I supposed to get onstage and pretend like we’re in love in front of the whole world?”
Ty steps forward—not in a creepy way, but more like he’s trying to be a source of support. “It’ll work out.” His voice is rough, cracking with honesty. “You’re always amazing.”
