“Of course,” I say automatically.
Cameras flash around us. A few people line up to talk to Bodan. In a way, it feels like the room is closing in. The weight of expectations—to be perfect and pretend to be in love with this guy—squeezes around my ribs.
Ty leans in, whispering, “You look like you need some air.”
“I think I do.” I exhale, relief flooding through me. Waving at Bodan, I smile and say, “I’m grabbing some air while you wrap up questions.” I don’t wait for a reply. Ty and I slip away together, heading outside, where the air feels instantly lighter, even in July. The sun isn’t as hot as it could be, cloaked behind a promising gray cloud. We haven’t had much rain this summer; cooler weather would be nice, though I’m not getting my hopes up.
We walk a few steps while my brain buzzes, and I struggle to find the right words to explain what’s going on inside me, finally blurting, “That was interesting. What did you think?”
“I don’t know if I found it interesting, but it was okay for a change of pace.” His eyes never leave mine, wicked flickering happening. “But if I’m being honest, I think the goats are more fun.”
I laugh, even though my chest aches to spill out what I really feel. That I hate pretending to love Bodan while denying that I lovehim. “Next time,” I say with an irritable nod, my intestines twisting in protest. I’m starting to wonder if they will stay like this forever.
“Oh, next time.” His smile is instantly playful. “Does that mean you’re asking me to hang out again?”
“It sounds like you are upset about missing the goats. I’m not going to deny you the goats, if that’s what you want. We can go to the farm, where it’s just us—” I cut myself off, realizing how that sounds. I meant where there are no fake dates or crowds ofpeople, but it’s too late to walk that back. Heat flushes my face as I fumble for a rebuttal, but Tyson makes it easy.
“Just us.” Without missing a beat, his smile tips higher on one side. “Is that a promise?”
Dropping my gaze to the sidewalk, I finger the hem of my shirt. It’s not unusual for him to ask to hang out, especially since we only have a short time. It’s getting harder to pretend all of this attention is easy for me. “Yeah, just text me when you have time off.” I try to sound as casual as possible and toss out a joke, “I’ll make sure Bodan has to work, so we don’t have to hear about—” I stop, because I have no idea what he said. After wracking my brain for a solid ten seconds, I give up. “You know … whatever he just talked about for the last hour.”
I wait for him to chuckle, but his eyes continue to glint at me in a way that makes my knees weak, and his voice deepens into something caramelly. “I’ll text as soon as I look at my schedule.”
“It’s a plan.” I start to back away before I say something I’m not ready to say. “Anyway, I better get back to the office. I only marked myself out for an hour lunch break.”
“Same. I need to get back to work too.”
I wave over my shoulder as I turn. As we part, I can’t stop thinking about all the mounting lies.
I’m lying to the world about Bodan.
So is my mom.
Technically, Ty has been lying to me, because he hasn’t been truthful about his feelings. I don’t blame him for that though.
I’m technically lying back to him.
It’s getting hard to keep track of. Shaking my head, I let out a sigh. I don’t know if I’ll ever be brave enough to tell the truth. I hope I am. It’s the right thing to do. Even if it’s the impossible thing.
twenty-three
Tyson
It’sbeenovertwenty-fourhours since I saw Lottie, and I’m still hung up on not being able to say what I needed to. I wanted to so badly. As much as the museum seemed like the perfect place to meet up, it was, in fact, not. It was too public, and the vibe was off.
Not to mention the fake date lurking around.
That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy my day with her, but I failed. I had one task; tell her how I feel. As my frustration mounts, I zip my bag, and it’s all I can do not to hurl the whole thing at my stall. Not wanting to draw that kind of attention to myself, I carefully stow it.
I’m only here for a few weeks. Every day that passes is another day she’s spending with Bodan. Sure, she says it’s all business … but I don’t trust him. I’ve seen the way he looks at her, and he loves every minute of her attention. I would put money on the fact he’s waiting to make his move.
To top that off, it’s game day, and I’ve developed a lump in my throat. I’m chalking it up to the pressure riding on me to perform. I’ve done enough deep-breathing exercises to know this lump is going nowhere. There’s a low murmur from the guys as they pull on gear. I don’t engage much with the chirping, but as team captain, I make sure to give everyone a nod. I mostly hover near my stall.
Taking another deep breath, I focus so hard on filling my lungs, I barely hear the vibration. When it buzzes again, I realize it’s my phone. I’ve got a few seconds before I need to get on the ice, but I grab it, and my stomach drops like I’ve taken a punch.
Lottie: Hey, just letting you know I made it to the game, and I’m wearing the holy jersey.
Chuckling, I catch what she did with the wordplay—from holey to holy—and I smile. Sure, it’s not the wag jacket I often pictured her in, but my jersey feels special too.
