I mean, what am I going to say to him? “So, about last night… you were sort of a creep, so ah, yeah, let’s pretend that never happened.”Oh, wait—we work together, so I still have to see him…every day. Doh!
I scrub a hand through my hair, hating I slept down here. With an open floor plan and the kitchen as the hub of all the rooms, I have to walk past everyone to get to my room. I can’t hide forever, so I pad down the hall and slip into the half bath near the kitchen for a quick refresh. Just as I feared, I look a mess. I never even washed my face last night. Double-wear mascara has blackened all around my eyes, like I’m experimenting with some new gothic makeup. I splash water on my face and dab as best I can, but until I get makeup remover from my bag upstairs, it’s pretty pointless. Giving up, I pat my face dry with the hand towel and head to the kitchen.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee and pancakes greets me. Ham is at the stove, of course—always the one concerned about filling his stomach. Already dressed for work, he’s wearing dark pants and a black T-shirt. My parents aren't here, but that doesn’t surprise me; I’m sure they had to get to the Fourth of July parade lineup early. Ty is at the round table with Maddie Malone, our mutual friend, who’s in town for a horse event and staying in the guest room. Though they are sitting next to each other, I know Ty’s not interested in her, because she’s an ex-girlfriend of Taz, his hockey friend. Nonetheless, their cozy laughter irks me in a way it wouldn’t have yesterday.
Maybe it wouldn’t have bothered me yesterday.
Ty nonchalantly glances over his shoulder as I pass behind them. I try not to notice the deep smell of oak from his aftershave wafting off him. He’s not one to overspray himself,but he’s clearly just showered. The ends of his hair are damp by his ears, and he’s wearing a fresh T-shirt and basketball shorts.
“Well, Lottie Dah, look who finally woke up from her traumatic night.” My intestines loop as he deploys the nickname he’s had for me for years, and his voice is soft enough for me to feel the secret message he’s sending. Sure, he doesn’t come out and say it, but I know his word choice alludes to what happened in the car.
“Hey, hello, ignore the hair.” Forcing a joke to lighten the mood, I avoid his eyes and go straight for the full coffeepot on the counter.
Maddie turns toward me, looking fully awake as horse people who have been up since the break of dawn are prone to do. She’s also wearing the cutest denim dress that sits above her knee, a contrast to my hot-mess couture. “What did you do last night?”
She’s unaware of the situation, and I shoot her a look to drop it. Ham tilts his head, studying me in that big-brother way, assuming I’ve done something stupid. “Wait, what time did Brett bring you home?”
Before I can answer, Ty does it for me, still chewing on his pancake. “I brought her home right at midnight.”
My heart stumbles as my mind instantly replays that awkward lean in. Or maybe I never stopped remembering it. It’s been there all night. Am I going to remember that forever?
Possibly.
Especially since it’s something I’ve dreamed about for years. I wanted to kiss him so badly my stomach hurt. Something about the timing of it made me not know how to act. I had literally just come from a date with Brett. It felt so rushed, like we missed a step. Maybe he thought we would casually hook up. I’m not that girl. Yeah, I’ve dreamed of kissing Ty so many times, but when I do, I’m NOT giving him back into the world of hockey fan girlsswooning over him. He’s going to have to lock it down better than that.
Ham’s brow shoots up, interrupting my thoughts. “Please don’t tell me something bad happened with Brett.”
I groan as I grab a mug from the cupboard and fill it with the aromatic dark roast coffee. “Nothing happened. Brett was fine. I was ready to go, and it made sense to ride with Ty since we were going to the same place.”
“Brett probably didn’t even care if you made it home safely,” Ty mumbles softly as he serves himself another pancake from the stack at the center of the table. Even though he’s engaging in the conversation, his shoulders tighten, like he doesn’t love hearing about Brett. Or maybe because last night sits heavy on him too.
I open the stainless-steel fridge to retrieve my favorite cinnamon dulce creamer. After dumping a generous amount into my mug, I return the creamer to the fridge. Then, because I don’t want to appear as if I’m avoiding Ty, I force myself to slide onto a chair at the table, leaving an empty one between Ty and me.
I can’t make this up, but it’s like the whole right side of my body heats from his nearness. So much so that I lean away, bracing an elbow on the table as I do everything I can to avoid feeling his presence. It’s no use. Not only is the memory of last night burned into my brain, but apparently his nearness now burns me too.
Maddie looks at me with that bestie look that says, “Girl I expect the full story ASAP!” I groan inwardly to not draw any more attention to myself. I’m not ready to voice what I’m thinking about.
Ham finishes frying the last of the pancakes and brings another full stack to the table, pulling up the chair next to me. “So, are you done with Brett?”
“What do you meandone? I wasn’t everstartinghim. Mom pressured me into going because he came all the way to Mapleton to help her, and he doesn’t know anyone. She wanted me to make sure he had fun. Plus, why do you care?” I give him a side-eye. “It’s not a big deal that we hung out. I sort of see him every day.”
“Of course you do,” Ham mutters through a full mouth of pancake. “Maybe that’s all the more reason to avoid dating him.”
Ty’s jaw flexes. It’s just once, but I catch how he locks it tight.
I shouldn’t notice. Like I shouldn’t notice the subtle ways Ty tenses up when I talk about any guy, even if it’s just a guy I’m friends with … but I notice everything about him. If I’m honest with myself, I’d say I have similar reactions when I hear about him with another woman. It’s seriously the most messed-up situation. Every summer since I was sixteen, I wondered if this would be the summer we finally cracked and dropped this invisible guardrail between us, but if anything, we’ve only drifted further away.
Maddie helps herself to a pancake before leaning toward me. “If anything untoward happened, I’ll finish him. Just say the word.”
As I picture her horse tossing Brett off his back and down a long, jagged cliff, I shrug, unable to stop my voice from rising. “Nothing happened. Everything wasfine.” I force the f infineso hard my jaw drops open. Everyone’s gaze locks on me, a little stunned by my mini outburst.
A cracking beat passes as everyone exchanges indiscreet looks. Ty sets down his fork and finally looks directly at me, and I swear I feel my hair expand at least another inch. Self-conscious, I run a palm over it. The unusual sharpness in his deep espresso-colored eyes takes me by surprise. And now, for the third—or is it the fourth—time I’m back in the car, his face inches from mine.My brain throbs with the memory of how close I came to leaning in.
Or maybe it’s throbbing because I didn’t lean in.
All I’ve wanted for years is for him to see me.
I just know my heart wouldn’t have wanted to stop at one stolen kiss. I want it all. I want to be the girl he calls when something good happens. And something bad. I want to be the person who has inside jokes with him, and we make our holiday plans together.
