It’s not right.
Something needs to change.
Then I smile anyway. Because tonight, I played the best game of my life, and Lottie saw everything I’m doing is for us.
Even if that means tonight, I go home alone.
It’s crazy how in tune my body is when Lottie’s around. I don’t see her, but I get this notion to adjust my shirt. Right then, Iglance over my shoulder, and she’s walking my way, wearing a pink sundress that hugs her waist like it doesn’t know it has the power to make my heart race. Her hair is loose and down her back, exactly how she normally wears it when she’s not working. She’s absolutely the most stunning woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I can’t believe she’s here to see me.
We haven’t even spoken yet, but I quickly scan the courtyard. We’re behind the National Gallery. I spent an hour researching where we could go today. I didn’t want to hide in her car, but we still have to tidy up her arrangement with Bodan before getting careless. I think if we are careful this place is perfect for our first official date. It's right after practice and still early enough in the day that it's not packed with people. The fountain trickles softly, setting the mood. With everything pressing down on us, we need a calm environment.
“Hey, you.” She flashes her palm at me, and we sit on the fountain’s edge, leaving a foot between us, taking caution before we trust we’re safe.
“Hey.” I take in every beautiful feature of her face and marvel at my life. All the years of watching her from afar, wishing she’d notice me, tumble into my chest. Though we haven’t done anything to warrant a strong reaction, emotion clogs my throat.
Great. I’m already malfunctioning. Swallowing, I push it down. “I haven’t gotten a chance to ask you about the funeral yet. How was it?”
“It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and I didn’t go in thinking it would be easy.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.” My jaw tightens before I can stop it. I hate thinking about her with Bodan, even if I trust her. “What happened?”
“Well, my mom was my mom.” Her forced laugh is brittle. “That’s expected. But Bodan’s sweet grandma…looked at me with so much hope. Like I would save her family from all thegrief. Maybe I’m projecting, but I could hardly speak to her. I was so grateful when my mom announced she was too important to stay any longer.” Shaking her head she adds, “For the first time in my life, my mom’s overinflated ego actually saved me.”
“Your mom said that?”
“No, not in those words. But you know my mom. It was all in her tone.”
“So, how was Bodan?” I try to keep my face neutral, but the thought of her even being next to him makes me fume.
“Fine. He knows the job we’re doing. He’s professional about it. Though…I started to feel like maybe he’s enjoying the attention too.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand in alarm, and I lean in. “How so?”
“I don’t know. It was odd. Like, if it were me, I’d protect my grandma from the lie, and I wouldn’t want to drag her into it. But he seemed to relish the idea our dating pleased her. It rubbed me the wrong way. I feel guilty. I wonder if he feels the same, now that his whole family is being lied to.” She gestures toward me and tacks on, “Trust me, I can’t wait to fake break up with him.”
“Why wait?” I say, dead serious. “Point me in his direction. I’ll do it for you.”
“You can’t break up with people you aren’t dating.”
“Watch me.” I lift my chin. “I can do it by text or in person. Shoot, I can even write a poem if that’s what you need to give me permission. I’m with you on this. Three is a crowd. We need him out of our relationship.”
She blinks hard, like she misheard me. “Our relationship?”
The word hangs between us, fragile as glass, until I add a soft, “Yeah.”
“Oh.” She looks down at her hands, twisting the bracelet on her wrist. For a second, she looks overwhelmed, and my stomach squeezes. I’d anticipated pleasure in her reply, but nowI’m worried. “I didn’t know we were calling it that,” she says after a quiet moment.
“Oops.” I try to lighten the mood with a playful tone, though nothing about this feels playful. It’s delicate, and I slide a little closer until our arms almost bump and soften my voice. “I’ve been calling it that in my head ever since we kissed. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Maybe I should have asked first…”
“I…” Her gaze lifts, meeting mine, and a zap explodes in my chest. “I don’t want to mess this up by rushing.”
My chest tightens. This is news to me. I assumed since we kissed, and we’ve both said how much we care, that we weretogether.That’s what I want. I’m not looking at anyone but her. Ever. “I don’t want to mess anything up either…” I swallow. “I don’t think we’re rushing. We’ve spent years learning about each other as friends. We’re allowed to skip a few steps.”
A pause clamps my heart in a chokehold. I put my hand over my chest, waiting for her to confirm we are on the same page. When she stays quiet, I blurt, “I want to be with you. This isn’t just a hey-we’re -in-the-same-city-for-a-weekfling for me. Isn’t that what you want?”
Her breath stutters, but she quickly says, “It’s not a fling for me either.”
“Good.” I let the moment and my hammering heart settle. I don’t want to be confused. “So, we have Bodan, and that’s a technical issue we need to sort out, but just to be clear…we’re together, right? You want to be my girlfriend?”
