“That’s how it sounds!” He chuckles and jabs an index finger in my direction. “Plus, you agreed with me.”
“I was like ten and, remember, I was in an experimental spelling program that focused on sight words, and I never learned phonics! You had to be like, what, in middle school?”
“I was twelve.” He laughs, throwing his head back. “Yeah, maybe you were that young, but you fooled me.” I swallow as his jaw twitches, tipping me off that there’s some double meaningthere. As much as I miss the way it used to be between us, I can’t live in the past. I have to face the fact that we grew up. Our lives moved on. Just like we are more than likely selling our family lake home—it doesn’t make sense to keep it anymore. Some things just make sense to let go.
Even if it’s hard.
Even if it’s excruciating.
I make the mistake of leveling my gaze with his, and I quickly lose myself in the spirals. Brown eyes as thick as a mystery novel. Ever-changing, full of surprises, and now they fire all the hues of caramel at me. “I should go.” I shift the weight from one leg to the other until I am leaning toward the exit. “Ham’s waiting.”
He pushes back his chair and stands, taking a step toward me. He’s close enough I feel the brush of his arm as he walks behind me. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “Guess you should.”
“You’re not coming to the parade?”
“Nah, you know your mom doesn’t welcome me to that stuff. Since this may be the last time we’ll be here, I think I’ll go fishing.” His lips purse before his head jerks toward the screen door that leads to the back deck. “You know, say goodbye to the place my way. But I’ll catch up with you guys later.”
“Later.” I surprise myself how defensive my echo sounds. “Aren’t you flying back to Minnesota tonight?”
“Oh, yeah.” There’s a flicker of disappointment in his eyes. “I guess I am. So, I’ll, ah, maybe see you …” His voice drops off as he forces a chuckle, then says, “I was going to say next July, but if you’re not coming back here, I’m not sure when I’ll see you.”
“Right.” Stunned at the sudden realization this is arealgoodbye; it’s never been harder for me to force even one tiny word through my lips. I wait for him to take the first step away from this conversation. My heart slams against my rib cage like it wants to break free. It never dawned on me I would ever have to say goodbye to Ty—like a final,finalgoodbye. “I’m sure we’llrun into each other sometime. If you ever make it to DC, be sure to call.”
“Sure. You bet.” It might be my imagination, but his voice cracks, and he doesn’t move away.
And I don’t either.
I need to ask why things got so complicated. I wish I didn’t have this stupid parade. There’s nothing I want more than to head down to the docks and waste the day away with him like we used to.
That’s not my life anymore.
I have to work. Not just because it’s my mom, but it’s my job as her assistant. “Well, I guess goodbye.” I flash my palm and slowly start to pivot.
“Wait, one question before we do this goodbye thing.” His voice cracks, and he doesn’t pause long enough for me to ask what. “Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we never had to move apart?”
“I—” My teeth crash down, holding my lip back, and I freeze like I did last night. This is it! Our chance to finally break past the guardrail.Please don’t gasp again.Say something—
“Seriously!” Ham’s voice blasts from the doorway. “How are you still standing there, Lottie? I was outside waiting for you. We need to leave now.”
My heart squeezes. It’s always been faster than my words, beating me to every reaction. I mean, what am I really going to say to Ty’s question? Ham’s standing there, and he’s right—I need to leave. My mom needs me, and I need to end this conversation.
What do I even say?
My eyes snap to Ham, whose hand rests sharply on his hip. Then back to Ty. His eyes have darkened, almost as if pleading with me to not drop the conversation.
I don’t have any words that can match what my heart is doing in my chest.
So, I turn on my heels and call over my shoulder to Ham, “Just one second. I need a minute to change.” Then I rush toward the stairs with tears brimming in my eyes. I wish I could tell Ty how I feel, but it will only make things worse. He’s living his dream. I’m moving to DC full time. It doesn’t make sense to hold on to something that can’t ever be.
three
Tyson
Five Years Later
Theweightbarshakesas I inhale and lower it to my chest. My muscles loathe Monday mornings as much as I do. The only good thing about today is the last of the snow is gone. On my drive to our practice facility, I saw nothing but sweet, sweet grass. Mostly dead grass, but it was dry. That’s all I care about. Seriously, Minnesota winters are no joke. I exhale and raise the bar, racking it. I should do another set, but my eyes drift to theoverhead TV that one of the guys has switched to the national news. My breath catches in an instant.
Standing in the center of the screen is Lottie. It doesn’t surprise me one bit she’s right next to her mom, shaking hands with several important looking people. Knowing nothing about politics, I therefore have no idea what they are doing, but I beam at the TV. Dressed in a patriotically colored blazer, with her long blond hair tied in a bun, she looks untouchable. I haven’t seen her in five years, and my chest swells with pride. She’s living out her dreams, helping her mom save the world. I don’t doubt there’s anything she won’t accomplish. I truly want her to have everything she desires in life. The camera zooms out.
