Marry me, Lisa.
I freeze.
Marry me, Lisa.
I said yes.
I saidyes.
I sit up straight. The comforter drops; I’m still in yesterday’s wrecked dress. I look down at my hand and…
Oh!Oh!
Oh, Adam Maksimov, you absolute deranged Scottishpsycho!
There’s a rock on my left hand. A ROCK. A diamond the size of a knuckle, set in a thick gold band, and it’s on my finger. This thing has apparently been on my finger for hours, and I only just clocked it.
I stare at it, open my mouth, and close it. Open it again. Nothing comes out but a laugh…wet and startled, and half a sob, awhat the entire fuck is my lifelaugh, bubbling out of me until I’m bent over my knees cackling. Imelda flicks her tail at me in disgust, and I cackle harder.
I said yes to a Scottish lunatic. Then I fell asleep, and the man went and got me a huge-ass diamond.Lord. Lord. LORD.
My laughter dies down.
The ring is heavy. HEAVY! This thing is a boulder. I stare at it until the staring turns to crying. The good kind…the kind that shows up when something happens to you that you didn’t know you wereallowedto have.
That’s when I hear a noise. Voices. In my house.Manyvoices. Female, male, the thud of something heavy dragged across the foyer, somebody holleringby the staircase,someone else yelling back,got it,a vacuum running, and…is that ahammer?
I scramble out of bed. My legs would like a word about that… I grab the bedpost, and Imelda watches with the look of a catwho’s known her human was a fool for a while and is delighted I’m finally caught up.
I crack the door open.
I hear music. Something classical drifting up the stairs. And a woman on the phone…yes, the white peonies, a hundred more of the small white roses, we need them by two…and somebody yelling for a Marcus, Marcus yelling back from somewhere in the house.
I close the door and sit back down.
That motherfucker. He did this. He let me sleep half the day. Put his rock on my finger. And he’s out there somewhere in the city running his terrifying empire, and he sentstrangers in my houseto… to do… things!
My door bangs open.
“MAMA!” Jasmine yells.
She’s in the doorway with her hair in a towel, a facemask on. And she’svibrating!
“MAMA, OH MY GOD!”
“Baby…”
“GET UP! Get up, Mom! You’re gettingmarriedin like hours!”
“What?!”
“Adam said you said yes! When I came home, he sat me down all serious like,Jazzy, yer mother said aye, the weddin’s tonight, can ye walk her doon?”Despite my shock, I almost giggle at her imitation of his deep voice and accent. “I nearly hit the floor, and now there’s a florist and an officiant coming over…GET UP!”
She’s yanking my hand.
“Jasmine.”
“Get up, Mom!”
