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But if he could get those enhancements, he could find out the truth, and if his suppositions turned out to be right, he could set the world free from this godlike monster who was set to destroy it in only a few years’ time, in order to prevent being called to account by the humans from Earth, who had the power to override his control of the computers and expendables.
Only when Rigg actually had those enhancements would he know how it would affect his time-shifting. Everything depended on his being able to get to Ram Odin at a time when there was no way an expendable could save him. No way that Ram Odin could command the mice to send some kind of object into the past that would prevent the assassination.
Or Rigg might find out that he was wrong, that Ram Odin was not alive, that the expendables were simply capable of lying, that the situation really was as chaotic and unknowable as it seemed. Maybe this brilliant guess of his was just wishful thinking. Maybe there was no theory that could unify and explain everything.
So Rigg tried to keep himself calm during his flight to the Wall. But then, he didn’t really need to conceal his trepidation, his excitement. After all, whatever changes in his behavior and vital signs the flyer’s sensors picked up could be completely explained by Rigg’s stated decision to go get a facemask. Who wouldn’t be tense, flustered, fearful, excited?
The flyer landed and Rigg got out.
Waiting on the other side of the Wall was Vadesh, looking so much like Father.
Rigg’s first thought was to wave him over. Don’t pretend you can’t go through the Wall, because I know you can.
But no, better to just go along with the way the expendables pretended the world worked.
Rigg walked into the Wall and felt the frisson of distant dread and anguish, the rekindling of language. In both the jewels and the knife, the ships’ logs would be updating. Rigg kept his attention focused on Vadesh.
“I was right, wasn’t I?” Vadesh said when Rigg was close enough.
“No,” said Rigg. “You weren’t right. You let all your people die. You’re a failure. But I don’t want to be a failure like you. When the Visitors come, I need to have the enhancements that Loaf has, so I’m better able to assess them and figure out how to prevent the destruction of Garden.”
It was a long speech. It sounded rehearsed, even though Rigg had not known what he was going to say. How would Vadesh interpret it? Or, more to the point, how would Ram Odin, listening, interpret it?
Am I defending myself when nobody has challenged me? Probably. But will the expendable conclude from this that I’m deceiving him? Probably not. Humans always defend themselves when they think they might be wrong. And anyone about to receive a facemask who doesn’t wonder if his decision is wrong must be an idiot.
“In other words, I was right,” said Vadesh. “But it’s perfectly understandable that you don’t want to admit it. Ego plays such a strong role in the self-deceptions of human beings.”
“With a facemask, will my self-deception be even more effective?” asked Rigg.
“Oh yes,” said Vadesh. “But so will your ability to see right through your own self-deceptions.”
Even now, knowing what he knew, suspecting what he suspected, Rigg couldn’t help feeling a closeness to Vadesh, especially when he talked in conundrums and paradoxes the way Father always did.
He also felt as much loathing for Vadesh as ever.
Any human who is guided by his emotions is a fool, thought Rigg. Because we can feel absurdly opposite things at the same time.
“Did you bring a facemask to me?” asked Rigg.
“No,” said Vadesh. “You don’t want to take on the struggle for dominance here, where there is so much outside stimulation to distract you. You’d be swallowed up.”
“You found that out by seeing people go mad?”
“Of course,” said Vadesh. “There’s such a steep price for failure.”
“But you never pay it,” said Rigg.
“I’m a machine,” said Vadesh. “And the Pinocchio story is absurd. Machines don’t want to be real boys. Real boys are so corruptible, so easily distracted, deceived, killed.”
“And no one deceives you?”
“Many think they do,” said Vadesh. “And I pretend that they’ve succeeded.”
“So you’re the deceiver.”
“We’re all deceivers, Rigg Sessamekesh,” said Vadesh. “I’m just better at it.”
“So is there any point in my asking you whether you have prepared a facemask for me that will be too powerful for me to master?”
