We would love to have you too. Maybe we can work out some kind of part time consulting thing.
Juniper squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment. What was she? The scraps? Second best? Alternate to the starting player? Always too much, yet somehow never enough.
She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep until she heard a knock at the door. Her heart lurched from her chest. She didn’t even check herself in the mirror by the front door before she opened it. She couldn’t give two shits at this point. Everyone inthe world was going to get exactly the Juniper she was going to give them. The completely stripped down, bare, vulnerable-at-the-core version. As much credit as she’d like to give herself for her ability to close herself off completely, she couldn’t make that cracked shell seal up all the way again. Bitterness took time to heal. She’d be left exposed to the elements for a while yet.
Anxiety spiked as she opened the door to find Rowan, who was still dressed in her work clothes. Her shirt was frumpy, and her hair was a mess, like she’d been running her hands through it in frustration all day. Her eyes were so constricted around the edges, it actually pained Juniper to witness. Rowan looked like shit too.
The last time Rowan had left her, she did so without speaking a word of it for fifteen years. If she were going to leave her this time, at least she had the decency to explain herself.
Rowan lifted up a black convenience store bag. “I brought you those strawberry shortcake ice cream bars you love. I realize you probably couldn’t care less about this right now… I just didn’t know what to do with myself while I waited for the gas to pump. Please just talk to me Juniper. Please.”
Juniper softened despite her best efforts to remain hard. She rolled her eyes and sighed. “You know I never turn those down. Damnit, Rowan.”
“I promise I’m not acting like that’s going to fix anything.” She shook her head in reassurance, like her words needed to be underscored by any other gesture she could fathom to prove her point.
“I know. Come in.”
Juniper grabbed the bag and walked over to the freezer to put the extras away. It looked like Rowan bought out the entire store.
“Do you want one?” She called back to her.
“I got some of those creamsicle ones.”
“Gross.”
Rowan chuckled. “I know.”
“Do you want to sit on the back porch?” Juniper asked.
“Wherever you want.”
Juniper tossed the empty packages in the trash and followed Rowan to the steps on the back porch. She handed her the ice cream.
“Cheers,” she said, tapping it against hers.
Rowan smiled weakly. “Cheers.”
They sat there for a minute before Rowan cleared her throat.
“So, I wanted to explain what you saw earlier.”
“Okay…”
Juniper flipped her ice cream over to eat the other side before it melted. The weather had definitely shifted to the warm humidity of early summer, the wet salt air of the coast bearing down on her skin. Instead of feeling oppressive, it felt comforting. It wrapped its weight around her and held her.
“I applied for that job over three months ago. And I will tell you exactly when I did. It was after the first time we went to the gardens. I felt something for you so strongly that it scared me. And I suspected you may have felt something too. I didn’t want to stick around and hurt you again, so I thought it was best if I left. I now know that was stupid.”
She couldn’t look at Rowan. “Are you taking it?” She asked with no inflection.
“Of course not. I want a life with you, here. I’ve never felt so sure of anything in my entire life.”
“Don’t make that decision because of me. You make that decision because it’s what you truly want. Take me out of the equation. I’m not going to be the reason why five or ten years down the line you lament the fact you stayed here.”
“Juniper, will you please look at me?”
“Rowan, if I look into your eyes, I will start crying again. And I really,reallydon’t want to cry anymore.”
“I understand. But Juniper, please don’t run away from this because you’re scared.”
