“I don’t know. I guess it seems typical.”
Rowan’s emotions were on a pendulum, and she felt her indignation turning to ire.
“Typical, okay,” Rowan let out a choke of laughter. “It’s likegoing out with anyone you enjoy spending time with. But I see what you’re getting at.”
“I’m not getting at anything. Makes sense to me that even after coming home, you’d still choose to have one foot out the door.”
“So that’s really how you still perceive me?”
Was Juniper wrong though? She’d had one foot out the door the moment she made it home.
Rowan pushed herself off the wall, but Juniper closed their distance before she could make it anywhere. Juniper had her pinned and Rowan lost herself in their new closeness.
She saw a mischievous glimmer at play in Juniper’s dark hazel eyes, and even though they were technically fighting, she found herself re-captivated by how striking they were. She had always loved the way the brown on the outer rim gave way to a deep green and then to flecks of gold. She studied the infinite beauty of the subject of all her desire.
Juniper’s eyes darkened as she scowled. “I’m still sofucking madat you.”
Rowan inhaled sharply and surged forward. Juniper’s eyes widened in surprise as she moved her hands to grip Rowan’s shoulders to steady herself. Rowan grabbed Juniper’s hips, and Juniper whimpered when Rowan’s force faded before it caused her ass to collide with the other side of the hallway. Juniper bumped into it instead and melted against the wall.
“Don’t you think I know that, Junie?”
They both clearly wanted to chase this feeling again. Close enough to breathe each other’s air, it would be nothing for Rowan to brush her lips against Juniper’s. She thought about the way Juniper had given of herself so freely in this similar position, albeit with a much different kind of angst, fifteen years ago. She thought about how safe Juniper always told her she made her feel. Did she feel safe now? This didn’t feel much different than what Rowan was supposedly protecting Juniper from earlier.
She was so much better than that. Juniperdeservedso muchbetter than that. Someone who wouldn’t pull stupid shit like this. Someone who wouldn’t tell her they loved her then leave. Someone who wouldn’t come back, just to screw around with her life again, before leavingagain.
“I know you’re still mad at me. And I’m so fucking unbelievably sorry. But Junie, I promise you this, no one could ever be madder than I am at myself.”
Rowan looked down at Juniper’s parted lips as Juniper shifted her pelvis forward. Her silent offering. Rowan tightened her grip as her eyes shifted to where Juniper’s belly was pressed into her hips.
She imagined dropping to her knees and channeling her fury with herself into making Juniper come over and over again until her knees grew weak. She would catch her. She would be her safe place again. She could show herjusthow sorry she was.Justhow much she’d thought about it all these years.
Rowan caught herself. “It’s my turn for the bathroom.” She exhaled a shaky breath and removed her fingers from the decadent curves in which they’d found purchase. Juniper closed her lips with a tremble. Rowan angled her body away from Juniper as she brushed past her. “Excuse me.”
Not even thirty minutes later, Rowan was not surprised when Jess decided to leave the bar without making sure Juniper got home safely.
“You look like you’re from her Tribe,” she said as she slapped the back of Rowan’s shoulder.
Rowan raised an eyebrow at her and squared her shoulders, with awhat the fuck does that meanon the tip of her tongue. Thirty-three years of those little micro-aggressions signifying people’s antiquated ideas of Indigenous identity weighed on her like several lifetimes in that moment.
Backtracking quickly, Jess added, “I just mean I saw her talking to you earlier.”
“Yes, we’re old friends. Why?”
“Can you take her home? I don’t feel like driving all the wayout there and back.”
Even Juniper’s safety wasn’t enough to make this fuckboy act right.
Rowan shook her head and decided it wasn’t a good idea to get into a bar fight. “Yeah, I got her.”
She may be “educated,” but she had also grown up scrapping like all kids had in her community. That urge to fight never truly left – even for a reformed shy kid who’d picked off a bully or two.
She watched Jess pull out her phone and answer it before turning back and walking out. Rowan looked over to Juniper who had her head in her hands at the table they’d all sat at earlier, and she decided for everyone’s sake it was time to go home too.
Juniper’s face fell when Rowan told her Jess had left, and she was taking her home instead. Juniper tried to make up excuses as to why her behavior made any sense. Rowan knew Juniper was trying to cover for Jess out of her own embarrassment.
She helped Juniper stumble into her room thirty minutes later. She was thankful to find out Anita was visiting other family that weekend. This was not the way she wanted to introduce the fact she was back home to Juniper’s mother, after breaking her daughter’s heart 15 years ago.
Hey Auntie, I’m back, and your daughter is taking it so poorly that she got shit-faced drunk and called up her piece of shit (hopefully) ex-girlfriend. But I took her home instead because I actually am a good person. Is that enough for you to forgive me?
