“Christina Aguilera.” She smiled dimly but didn’t elaborate.
“This might surprise you, but that album where she did that whole pin-up girl thing was on major rotation on my iPod during my second Afghanistan deployment.”
Wren’s smile softened. “It doesn’t really surprise me at all. Thank you.”
Beckett nodded at her and started smoothing back down where the label on her beer bottle had peeled up.
Putting back on her sunshiney demeanor, Wren turned to Juniper and Rowan and slapped her hands against her thighs. “You guys go to New York on Monday, right?”
“We do. Maybe it’s time we start winding down?” Juniper looked at Rowan.
Rowan agreed and stood.
After the others went inside to say their final goodbyes, Rowan spent a few minutes cleaning up her backyard with Beckett’s assistance. The two of them made quick work of collapsing the chairs and storing them in the small storage shed to the side of the yard. Rowan noticed Juniper had come back outside to toast another marshmallow.
“Just one more!” Juniper called out to her.
“Whatever you want,” Rowan replied and meant in more ways than one, as she watched Juniper lean over top of where the fire had been roaring earlier that night, to reach the last remaining flames. She was captivated by the way Juniper moved her body, the way her breasts pressed up against the top of her dress while learning over, the way her brown skin glowed in the moonlight–
She felt a nudging elbow make swift contact with her ribs.
“Are you two, you know,” Beckett suggested, glancing toward Juniper, as she closed the storage shed.
“Are we, what?”
Beckett lifted an eyebrow. “Why don’tyoufill in the blank on that one?”
Rowan laughed softly and paused before answering so she could turn back and take in the full view of Juniper making her way back into the house.
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly, as the reality of the way they hadn’t defined what had been going on sunk in.
“What could you possibly not know about with her?” Beckett asked sarcastically.
“It’s complicated. We have… a past. I fucked up pretty bad when we were teenagers.”
“Long history, then.”
“Fifteen years long. I had my reasons for doing what I did. Still doesn’t make it hurt less for her that I did it.”
“Huh,” Beckett responded, thoughtfully this time, before adding, “Do you think it would work out differently this time?”
“I do. I absolutely do. I think she does. I’m just not totally sure.”
“Have you talked about it?”
“We’ve talked about so much. We’ve shared so much. For some reason, we haven’t gotten to that final part where we officially say ‘this is it.’ Maybe I’m afraid everything we’ve worked on won’t be enough to erase the past.”
She wasn’t afraid of herself being the one who’d run away anymore. She was realizing she was afraid that Juniper could say this wasn’t enough. That maybe she’d try it for a while, but ultimately Rowan had hurt her too badly for her to ever fully put her heart and soul into this new thing. Rowan knew she’d be absolutely within her right to feel those things.
Even though Rowan despised having these doubtful thoughts, especially right before they were taking a huge trip together for the first time, the honesty to share these thingswith Beckett felt refreshing, invigorating even. She had never had someone she could confide in like this, another queer person from her community. She found the courage to keep going.
“I’m in love with her. I told her that. She told me the same.”
“Damn,” Beckett acknowledged with a deep sigh, “I don’t mess with love personally, but if I did, and I had someone who looked at me the way she looks at you, there would be no question.”
Rowan turned to look at Beckett and gave her a skeptical look. “You don’t mess with love, huh? You just like hitting on Wren?”
“You don’t have to believe in love to find a woman attractive.”
