“They are. And you know what else?”
“What?”
“You already knew some of them. You already know your grown-ups. You already know your exits. You’re already pretty darn smart about being safe. You just needed someone to tell you that you’re doing a good job.”
Juni looked at him for a long moment. Then she set Mr. Kibble down and climbed into Colin’s lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face against his shoulder.
Colin went very still. His hands hovered for a second, uncertain. Then he put his arms around her and held on. When Juni finally pulled back, she looked Colin right in the eyes. “You’re one of my grown-ups.”
Colin’s voice came out rough. “Yeah, Junebug. I am.”
Juni climbed off his lap and picked up the teapot. “More tea?”
“Sure.”
She poured. Colin took a sip, pinkie out. Juni giggled.
The tea party resumed.
Maren looked at Colin holding that ridiculous teacup, Juni chattering beside him about which Play-Doh treat was a cookie and which was a peddy-four.
Colin, you’re not good with kids. You’re phenomenal. Why do you deny it?
Maybehejust needed someone to tellhimthat he was doing a good job.
Challenge accepted.
THIRTEEN
That night,Colin was cleaning up the kitchen while Maren got Juni ready for bed. He kept going back over the day. Not the memories so much as the feelings.
Juni climbing into his lap that afternoon had felt like the most natural thing in the world. Her arms around his neck, her face pressed against his shoulder.
That should have been my life for the last four years.
He gripped the edge of the counter.
If Lindsey hadn’t?—
Stop.
Colin forced his hands to unclench. He picked up the dish towel and wiped down the counter that was already clean.
This was why he didn’t do assignments with kids. All they did was pick at the scarred-over wounds his heart carried until it fell apart all over again. He’d avoided his sister and her family for three years because seeing her son—his nephew—felt like staring at the future that had been ripped away from him.
Down the hall, he could hear Maren running Juni’s bath. Juni’s voice, bright and chattering, asking if Pretzel knew how to swim. Maren’s laugh, warm and patient, saying she wasn’t sure but they could ask Uncle Kyle tomorrow.
The anger sat in Colin’s chest like a stone. Not Maren and Juni, who’d been lied to as much as he had been. No, he was angry at what had been stolen from him.
And now here he was, obeying tea party rules from a preschooler and pretending his heart wasn’t breaking every time she called him one of her grown-ups.
Colin folded the dish towel with deliberate precision as he practiced four-square breathing, and set it on the counter.
Colin and Mac had flipped a coin for the spare bedroom and Mac won. He’d offered to take the couch anyway since Colin had been on it the night before, but Colin refused. So Mac was in his room. The safehouse was secure. Maren had Juni handled. Colin closed his eyes and braced himself against the counter.
I should do another perimeter check. Clear my head. Get my professional distance back before?—
He felt a tug on his sleeve.
