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“He looked horrible,” said Leaky. “He looked monstrous.”
“Yes. And I was furious and I wanted to rip it off of him but Vadeshex told us that we couldn’t do it without killing him. It was part of him now, and if it died, Loaf would die. And the other way around, too. So I led Loaf around like a blind deaf-mute for a while, except that he wasn’t blind, he didn’t bump into anything. And already his reflexes were unbelievably quick. And I kept hoping he was still inside there. Loaf. That he hadn’t been completely taken over by this thing.”
“And you’re here to assure me that even though he’s uglier than before, it’s really Loaf.”
“It is! But I know you won’t believe me and you’ll scream at me that I don’t know him well enough to know whether it’s really him but listen to me: Of course you know him better than everybody, but this isn’t going to work if you make him prove who he is. He’s either coming home to his wife or not. And his wife—and these are his exact words—‘My wife will not make me spend the rest of my life proving that I’m really me.’ Do you understand? I’m his witness. You’ll have him telling you, and you have me telling you, and if that’s not good enough, he isn’t going to stay. Do you understand that?”
“Understanding isn’t agreeing.”
“You know him!” said Umbo fervently. “He’s made up his mind that if you doubt him, he’s gone. He says he’ll understand if you reject him, if you can’t live with him the way he is now. The only thing he wants is to come back to you and live with you the way he did before. Except that he’s stronger and quicker and smarter and prettier—he says he’s prettier but that’s—”
“That’s his sense of humor,” said Leaky.
/> “Yes,” said Umbo.
“Go and get him,” said Leaky.
“You mean it?”
“I can’t believe you had to go to all this trouble. Of course I want him back, however I can get him. If you dragged him back in a sack without arms or legs, I’d take him. What do you think marriage is, boy?”
“Judging by my parents, it’s not like the two of you. But do you promise—”
“I don’t have to make you any promises at all,” said Leaky. “You’re the messenger. I want my husband back, and I believe you that the man you’re going to bring me is my husband, or as close to him as I’m going to get, and that’s close enough for me. Or if it turns out not to be, then Loaf and I will work it out without some fuzz-faced boy getting between us. Am I clear? Your job is done. This time you succeeded. I want him back. Bring him to me.”
Umbo didn’t answer.
She glanced over and saw that he hadn’t gone. “What are you waiting for?”
“Do you think I’m here on my own?” asked Umbo. “I’m here following his instructions.”
“And now you’ll go back following mine,” said Leaky. “Is it me Loaf wants to come home to? Then he doesn’t dictate terms to me, and he knows it. Tell him to get his sponge-covered face back here so I can decide for myself whether to scream and run away or give him a big sloppy wet kiss on his spongy new mouth.”
“It’s not spongy anymore,” said Umbo. “It’s pretty much almost normal except not, in a creepy way.”
“You’re not helping now,” said Leaky. “I think I’ve done a very good job of shutting up and listening. Now it’s your turn to shut up and go bring me my husband.”
“I’ll tell him that’s what you said,” said Umbo. “I hope it’s good enough.”
“It will be,” said Leaky. “If I said anything different, he wouldn’t believe I meant it.”
Umbo smiled wanly. “You’re probably right. Only . . . I don’t think it’ll be good for you to see him with other people around.”
“Everybody’s out of the roadhouse, if that’s what you’re worried about. But why can’t you bring him back right here?”
“Because to do that I’d have to get him here in the future, and I’d have a hard time sneaking him in.”
“You snuck in?”
“I came in by water and where I am, it’s nighttime and you’re busy in the kitchen so you can’t hear me.”
“You got a soaking?”
“I’ve swum this river before,” said Umbo. “When I come back with Loaf, it’ll be by the road, and I’ll have his face hidden so he doesn’t shock the local people.”
“And when will this magical event happen?”
“I’m not totally precise. But later today, probably.”
