“Okay, she says nope, she’s not ever going to look at you without wanting to take your head off so you should go. You leaving?” Laz asked.
“When I got here earlier this week, the answer was no. Now, I’m not so sure.”
“What’s changed that quickly?” Laz asked.
“Doesn’t much matter. I’m still hanging on for now.”
“So, why’d you do a dumb ass thing like renouncing her if you didn’t want to lose her?” Lucas asked.
Remi huffed in irritation, then sat up straight and looked at the three of them. “I didn’t renounce her.”
“She says you did,” Laz said.
“Alright. Let’s get this done once and for all. I’ll lay it all out for you so there’s nothing but clarity, there. I was wrong. I had a girlfriend and I loved her. I was going to claim her. She wasn’t my mate, but that was okay with me. I was tired of waiting for my mate and always noticed this girl, thought highly of her, so I asked her out. Things are going great. She loves me and I love her. Cristie showed up. Happy to see her, best friends since we were little kids. Wanted to introduce her to my girlfriend. Our eyes met, we’re mates. Sent me into shock. Couldn’t lookaway from her, and my girlfriend was at my side watching me unable to look away from Cristie. What do I do? Do I continue to nurture the woman I’ve committed to, or do I say, it’s been good up until now, thanks for the memories, but I’m going to be settling down with somebody else now?”
“Oh. That sucks,” Lucas said.
“Really good argument for not coupling up with anybody unless it’s actually your mate,” Laz said.
“I’m sorry, that must have been rough,” Roman said.
Remi smiled at Roman. He was obviously a good male, and kind. “Short summary to wrap it up for you. Like I said, my girlfriend noticed — hell, everybody noticed. I denied it. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I genuinely cared for her. Cristie told me she was going home and I had until whatever date to come talk to her otherwise she was leaving. My girlfriend broke up with me, as she should have. Cristie left. I drank. I drank a lot. Cristie came to pull me out of my self-pity, then left me to figure it out on my own. I got myself together and did some healing. Now I’m here begging for a chance. Never — not one single instance in time, did I say the words I renounce you. I just didn’t go talk to her before her deadline. And after Bailey broke up with me, I didn’t go after her again, either. I lost myself. I lost my self worth. I was drowning.”
“You can’t let females fuck you up like that. Only commit to the real one. The others are nice to pass the time, but don’t give them more than that. You end up like… well, like you,” Laz said.
“Thanks,” Remi said sarcastically.
Lazarus grinned and gave him a single nod.
“I get it. You felt like you needed to give them both loyalty, and it was impossible, so you didn’t do anything so you wouldn’t actually hurt either, but by doing nothing you did hurt them both,” Roman said.
“Yeah, I did,” Remi said.
“You know what your problem is?” Lucas asked.
“How much time you got?” Remi asked seriously.
Laz, Lucas, and Roman all laughed.
“Your problem is you have too much integrity. You heard that saying, honest to a fault? That’s how you got integrity. So much so that it’s to a fault. You’d hang yourself out to dry before causing anyone else any kind of pain, even if it was the right thing in the grand scheme of things to do. It tore you up to have to choose one over the other. Even though you knew the girlfriend wasn’t your mate, she still deserved to be treated well. You still had trouble doing anything that would cause her pain. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t,” Lucas said.
“Technically. But the truth of the matter is simple. I didn’t choose either. But Cristie thinks I chose Bailey because I didn’t choose her. But I didn’t really choose Bailey either. Cristie says I should have chosen her after figuring out we’re mates. And she’s right, which is why she’s hurt and angry. But things aren’t always black and white for me. Bailey was an innocent, she didn’t even know what I was. She didn’t understand about mates and fate. I paid the price for pursuing a committed relationship with her despite knowing she wasn’t mine, and knowing that was what hurt her. And ultimately it’s what hurt Cristie, too. Like I said, this is all the monster I created.”
“How did you turn your back on the mate bond once it clicked into place? There’s no way I could have walked away from Anahla. Even before I’d laid eyes on her I knew I had to have her. I was obsessed.”
“Me, too. When I couldn’t get to Talie, I was nearly insane, until I got Darcie. Taking care of Darcie is all that saved me long enough to be able to save Talie,” Roman said.
“Who’s Darcie?” Remi asked.
“Our daughter,” Roman said.
“Got it,” Remi said. “I don’t know how I did it. I just know that I internalized everything. I withdrew from everything and everybody. It was not good, I was on the road to self destruction.”
“Because he’s stronger than most,” Laz said. “That kind of thing can only be done with strength. You were punishing yourself.”
Remi nodded slowly, acknowledging that they were right. “Honestly, even now I feel like all I’m doing is stumbling around here in the dark. She gets more and more pissed off. I get less and less tolerant. I’m thinking maybe I should just go. We’re only making it worse.”
“Why are you less and less tolerant?” Lucas asked.
