I take a step away, fists clenching, fingernails digging into my palms—just enough pain to keep me present.
“I was trying to protect you,” he says.
“I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can.”
“I don'tneedprotecting.”
“That isn't the point.”
He looks as though he's going to say more, but at that moment we're interrupted by a knock. Reave tenses at the sound but doesn't answer it, his eyes never leaving mine.
The person on the other side of the door is insistent.
When the knocking turns to a more frantic pounding, Reave curses under his breath and finally calls out that he'll be there momentarily.
Shifting his attention back to me, he says, “I have things that have to be taken care of. But we'll talk more soon.”
“I don't want to talk.”
“Then I'll just let you throw more punches at me, if that will make you feel better.”
“…It might.”
“It's settled, in that case. Consider it a date.”
I know he's trying to coax a smile out of me, but I can't bring myself to give it to him.
He closes the space between us, reaching to brush a hand across my cheek, his touch lingering, heavy with uncertainty even as he says, “We'll figure this out. I swear it.”
I don't know how we possibly could. But I also can't find the will to argue, so I give a small nod and let him go, standing aside in a daze as he finishes getting ready to leave.
He kisses me goodbye, pausing with his hand on the doorknob just long enough to glance back and say, “Eat something. Rest. I'll be back as soon as I can.”
I manage another nod.
The room feels empty and wrong once he's gone.
I quickly decide I can't stay in it. It's too confusing to be surrounded by his scent, his books left open on the table, hisreading glasses still folded beside the breakfast tray. Too hard to look at the bed we slept so peacefully in, to be reminded of how I woke up so warm and so happy and so?—
In love.
I can't think of a worse time or situation in which to realize this, but I can't deny it anymore.
I came here to ruin him, and I fell in love with him instead.
I knew it the moment I woke up and saw him sitting in the sunlight this morning. That feeling of peace sinking into every part of my being…that was my final surrender. Some part of me knew it had happened long before this morning, I think, but I simply wasn't ready to admit how much I'd changed, or how much I'd gotten wrong about him. Some part of me was afraid, too, knowing the complications that would arise if we gave into the growing feelings between us.
But even in my most horrible visions of our future, I never could have predicted the complication of the letter I now hold in my hand.
I grab some clothes from the stash I've started to build in one of Reave's wardrobes, dress quickly, and leave the room in a rush, trying to outrun my thoughts.
I don't want to be alone with those thoughts when they do catch me, so I make my way toward Briar's room, holding my head high and avoiding eye contact with everyone I pass, determined not to let them see how close I am to shattering.
Briar isn't in her room. I check the library, our favorite sunny parlor, and several other places, all to no avail. Forcing myself to keep my composure, I make my way outside to the stretch of yard where I've been practicing magic, hoping to find her there, spoiling Sesca with more treats. I'd even be relieved to see Kestrel at this point.
The yard is empty.
