But gods, now that I know what it's like to see the whole world again...
I wash my face in cold water until all evidence of blood and tears is gone, then force myself to change into clean clothes and lie down.
When I wake,hours later, my body still doesn't feel as destroyed as it should, given the number of arrows I took. The bruises are there, dark and tender, but the deep ache I expected is muted.
Another gift from the bond, I suppose.
I hate that I'm grateful for it.
But I carry that gratitude, and the memory of what we accomplished together, with me as I leave my room and head for the library. I need to think. To plan. To understand what I'm becoming—what I’m afraid I’ve always been—and what it all means.
The elderly librarian brings me more books on dragon lore without my asking, her wrinkled hands setting them gently on my table. She says nothing, but there's something almost sympathetic in her expression; like she knows I have little hope of finding real answers to all the things I don’t understand.
I'm used to functioning on very little hope, thankfully.
I bury myself in the texts, parsing through centuries of history and theory, sorting myth from fact.
Some of it I already know: how the four kingdoms were allegedly founded by a different dragon, each created by one of the four most powerful deities. How they each represented a different element of the world, and the creatures were formed in such a way as to create balance when they all worked together. Those four dragons each eventually bound themselves to a human, and then those chosen humans became the first rulers of the Kaldran Empire.
Even in Halvgate, we learned this as children—the historyof a world that we're still technically a part of, even if it's beaten us down and tried to bury us in the margins.
I've never learned any real details about those first rulers, though. I've never really cared to, honestly; most of my education was focused on survival and practical skills. Any other kind of knowledge was a luxury.
But now I'm here. I'm surrounded by more books than I've ever seen, an entire world of information at my fingertips. It would be foolishnotto learn more.
I’m intrigued to discover the names of the first rulers, along with snippets of their histories…and fascinated by the realization that they were all queens. All women, who all ruled for an incredibly long time—much longer than the lifespan of a normal human—if the dates I'm reading are accurate.
Heldra. Zara. Morrigan. Isolde.
I write the names down on a slip of parchment, and then add the names of their bonded dragons beside them; the latter are more familiar, because this is where the names of the four kingdoms were derived from.
Heldra—Bolvael.
Zara—Dralsk.
Morrigan—Solvare.
Isolde—Ormyth.
I want to dig deeper into it all immediately, but as soon as I write the last name down, the library is invaded by Princess Kestrel and a small entourage of noble ladies. They're loud and obnoxious, their laughter echoing off the high ceilings. And even though the princess was relatively cordial last night, I'm not in the mood to try my luck with her in front of an audience.
I slip away before any of them see me, clutching a newpile of books to my chest, wondering about the kind of power the first four queens must have wielded through their bonds.
The power to shape an entire empire, to command magic and armies, to live for centuries…
I have the same feeling I did last night, suddenly: That something big is circling around me. That some upheaval is rumbling beneath my every step, just waiting to break through. There’s no running from it any longer. And somehow, I have to keep my footing through all of it.
The king was absent again before I holed myself up in the library, and he's still missing when I leave it. Off dealing with some new crisis in the city, maybe. More unrest. More rebels circling closer.
Is it really because of me?
It's still hard to believe I could be important enough to be a target. But I still haven't forgotten Gareth's words from the other day.
There is a reason the king needs you.
He apparently needs me badly enough that he's choosing to weather these attacks rather than sending me away, risking his entire city in the process—a decision that reeks of cold calculation and desperation. Which, combined with the latest proof that my dragon bond is not something to be taken lightly, means I have more power in this arrangement than I originally thought.
I don't know how to use that power yet, but it undoubtedly changes the game—because it means I can bargain from a position of strength.
