I force a smile and take hold of her veined hand. “No, but like Pauline, I’m here to take care of you.”
“That’s nice.” Nonna beams, completely unaware that her having no memory of me is a grief that keeps carving me open, again and again.
Pauline clears her throat, stepping back, holding Nonna’s food tray in hand. “She had a nutritious breakfast today. Oatmeal and fruit, and she even asked for an extra slice of toast.”
I nod, grateful for the normalcy. “That’s great.” I tap Nonna’s hand affectionately. “I’m heading to work, but I’ll see you later, okay?”
Nonna smiles. “Bye… bye, pretty lady.” I squeeze her fingers once more before letting go. As I reach the door, her voice drifts after me, light and warm. “She’s a lovely girl. Reminds me of my granddaughter.” My breath catches. Somewhere, a part of her still knows me, just not enough to recognize me standing in front of her. “I wonder why she doesn’t come to see me anymore?” I glance back. Her hazel eyes glaze over, filling with tears. “Did I do something wrong? I can’t remember.”
The sound of her soft sobs hits me square in the chest. Pauline’s hand finds her shoulder, murmuring comfort, but I can’t move. My throat burns as I press a fist to my lips. She didn’t forget me because she wanted to. Her mind just… let go. I turn before the tears reach my own eyes. If I stop, I’ll shatter.
In the hallway, I press my back against the wall and draw a long, shaky breath. I swipe at the corner of my eyes, careful not to ruin the makeup I worked so hard to perfect. Grief gets no room in the day ahead. I square my shoulders, inhale, and step into the kitchen.
Tasha is already waiting, sipping from a to-go cup, dressed to kill in an ocean-blue pantsuit that hugs her tall, lean frame. Her dreadlocks hang down to the middle of her back. “Ready?” She asks, handing me my breakfast.
I nod, grabbing the cup and bagel filled with cream cheese and sweet guava jam. “You’re the best, Tasha. If I swung that way, I’d marry you.”
She snorts. “Please, we both love dick too much. Well, I do. You have had none in a long, long, lo...ng time.”
“You’re such a bitch,” I mutter between sips.
“And yet, you love me.”
“Unfortunately.” I say as I tip my coffe cup at her. Tasha grins, unapologetic, as we step outside.
The drive is mostly quiet, the morning news muttering from the radio while I devour my bagel. But as soon as I take my last bite, Tasha strikes. “So... you gonna be okay seeing Hayden at work?” The question makes my stomach twist. I nearly choke, washing the lump down with coffee. Tasha pulls over. “That’s it. You’re telling me what happened.”
I shake my head. “Nothing happened.”
“Aria, you were off all weekend. You came home looking like hell.” At her words, another fit of coughing hits me. “Aria, did that clown do something to you?”I inhale sharply.Lie. Make her believe it.
“I found out he was married.” I manage between coughs. “He’s a major douche, Tash.”
Tasha’s eyes darken. “Like Jeremy?” I nod, looking away. Please... please let her not push for more. She exhales sharply. “How’d you find out?”
“He was on the phone. Didn’t know I was there. So, I grabbed my stuff and left. I just feel like a fool, Tasha. Why do I keep picking these assholes?” It’s somewhat true, but I still feel like shit for Jeremy coming up since Tasha was the one who introduced us. But I needed her to drop it.
Tasha grips the wheel like she’s ready to do murder. “I swear to God, Aria, I will...”
“No, Tash. I need this job, and you’re a licensed attorney.”
She tugs at the gear stick. “That cheating motherfucker... needs-”
“No, Tash,” I cut her off. “I’m a big girl, and I can handle the fallout of my choices. You can’t keep fixing the shit I get into because of my bad decisions.” My voice cracks with frustration, but I rein in, hoping like all hell that I mask the guilt that’s gnawing at my conscience. The weight of the secret I’m keeping from Tasha, my sister in every way that matters, is excruciating, and every lie I’ve told her only makes the burden heavier. I look at her, pleading.
“Fine, Ari. But I know you’re not telling me everything.” She pulls away from the curb and into traffic. The small-town hums around us, but it feels miles away.
I force a smile. “Thanks, Tash, and not to worry; if things get to a point where I need you and Trevor, I’ll let you know.” I lied some more, pounding another nail into my coffin of guilt.
I’ll hold you to that, Ari.”
“Great. Now that everything is settled, please focus on driving. You have a two-hour drive back to Boston.” Our conversation shifts to what I think is an inappropriate hair color for an attorney to wear in the courtroom.
“I think turquoise hair is a bad move for a courtroom.”
That got her going. “You’re wrong.” By the time she drops me off, she’s ranting about self-expression in the workplace, and I pretend that my stomach isn’t churning with the weight of my lies.
The J&G Accounting sign gleams in the morning sun, the same shade of piercing blue-green that haunts my nightmares. I hesitate at the doors, Cyan’s knife flashing in my mind, Hayden’s screams. I freeze.
