“Honestly, I’m just trying to find a way to get through each day as it comes. I don’t have much of a plan past that,” I admit.
“You should tell Penn. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so hard on you.”
“Absolutely not. And you’re not going to tell him either. The only thing worse than his anger would be his pity, though why he’s so angry is beyond me.”
“His anger should be pretty self-explanatory.” Alec gives me an apologetic look. “You left him, LV. Broke his damn heart.”
“I lefthim. What about the fact that helet me leave? He didn’t once ask me to stay. He didn’t once ask to come with me.”
“Why would he? You broke up with him.”
“No, I didn’t!” My voice shoots up an octave. “I told him I wanted to go to New York. That I had to try and make it, or I’d never forgive myself. I wanted him to be a part of it, but it was clear he had no interest in that.”
“So why didn’t you just ask him to go with you?”
“Because he made it pretty clear he didn’t want to.”
“Did he say he didn’t want to?”
“No, but he didn’t say he did.”
“You two are both too stubborn for your own good, you know that?” Alec shakes his head. “You didn’t ask him to go, he didn’t ask you to stay... Neither one of you said what you truly wanted. If you ask me, you’re both at fault.”
I consider his words, knowing he’s not wrong. I knew after I left that I made a mistake by not asking him to come with me, but by that point, he had accepted that our relationship was over and put up no fight in the matter. Pride wouldn’t allow me to be the one to buckle.
“Well, it doesn’t much matter now, does it?”
“It matters more than you know.”
“How so?”
“Just trust me on that.” He runs a hand through his short brown hair. “I know Penn has been a dick to you since you got back, but I promise, if you just talk to him, clear the air, things would be a hell of a lot less tense around here.”
“You say that like he’ssooooeasy to talk to.”
“Fair.” He hits me with that crooked smile of his for a second time.
“You won’t say anything to him?” I feel the need to confirm.
Alec was someone I could always talk to and to my knowledge, he never betrayed my trust. I guess that’s why, even after all this time, I find myself pouring out my entire story to him simply because he asked.
“Not my place. But if I were you, I would. Penn may act like he’s got it all figured out, but I promise you, on the inside, he’s barely holding it together.”
“He seems fine to me. More than fine, if what I walked in on the other night is any indication.”
“Cat’s a Band-Aid. She’s not healing anything; she’s just masking the wound. Penn hasn’t been the same since you left and then after Dad... Finding him like that.”
“What do you mean finding him like that?”
“Penn is the one who found our dad. It was already too late. He was gone by the time Penn stumbled upon him.”
“Oh, Alec. I’m so sorry.” I swallow past the sudden lump that has wedged itself into my throat.
“Don’t be sorry. If there’s one thing that’s certain about living, it’s that eventually you will die.”
“That’s a morbid way to look at it.”
“My dad was a holy man, London, you know that. And while I may not share in the faith the way he did, I take comfort in knowing that he’s at peace with his creator. If there is a Heaven, I’m sure it’s a hell of a lot nicer up there than it is down here.”
